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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents don’t think I should have another baby

292 replies

Mummy940908 · 19/08/2021 12:07

My fiancé and I want to try for another baby. We have a 5year old and 2 year old twins. Only issue is my parents seem to think we shouldn’t have any more especially my dad. and they just kick off about it without anyone even mentioning it. I can’t do right for doing wrong when it comes to my parents. If it was my younger sister 16,it’s a different story and the best thing ever. Any advice on how to tell them we are pregnant when the time comes would be appreciated or what you would do in this situation as it’s really not helping my anxiety. I want to add we also DONT rely on them for childcare or financial purposes EITHER. If anything it’s my mum relying on me for babysitting my 2 youngest sisters 8,9.

OP posts:
christyt114 · 19/08/2021 15:44

@GiantHaystacks2021

I think 3 kids is enough personally. What will you get from a 4th kid that you can't get from the existing 3?
^ This.

3 kids is enough. The planet can't cope with so many people.

Didydani · 19/08/2021 15:45

It's really none of their business how many children you decide to have or not to have. I'd stop engaging in conversation with them about it if they bring it up. Just say it's not up for discussion/ I don't want to talk to yoy about it/mind you're own business.

SudokuZebra · 19/08/2021 15:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SunshineCake · 19/08/2021 15:50

My MIL told me not to have any more as she said I couldn't cope with the two I already had. We wanted another so we had another but her comment really hurt. Hate her for it tbh.

Hugoslavia · 19/08/2021 15:50

You already have your hands full. Unless you can fully afford them yourself with your partner, i.e. are not claiming benefits or live in council housing you certainly shouldn't have any more. In any event the world is bursting at the seams and population growth is unsustainable. People need to act more responsibly otherwise their own children will suffer. Is your fiance the father of your other children? If not, have you been with him long and did you want another baby before or want to because you have got together with him?

SoupDragon · 19/08/2021 15:51

the queen has four children and no one is calling her environmentally irresponsible

😂😂 She had hers well before it was seen to be a problem

MondayYogurt · 19/08/2021 15:55

Fiancé? Is the the wedding set?
Maybe they're thinking about that cost.

Nothapppy · 19/08/2021 15:56

@SudokuZebra

Erm *@christyt114* do you eat meat ? Fly commercially ? Use single use plastics ? Drive ? Funny how on Mumsnet it is only ever having more tha two children that is called out.
Believe it or not, it's possible to have an opinion on global warming even if you're not living in a grass hut. Having a child in a developed country is the worst thing you can do. And the OP already has 3, fgs. It's not "just" about contributing to global warming, anyway. It's about bringing a child into the world in the full knowledge that the world will be a very very hard place to live in for much of his/her life. Why is it wrong to think about the child?
Cocomarine · 19/08/2021 15:57

So all that’s actually happened here is that your dad has latched on to a dull joke about not being able to afford birthday presents for more grandchildren now you’ve had 3?

That’s it.

If you can’t handle that, are you sure you can handle more kids? Maybe spend the time a 4th child would take up focusing on you, and working on your anxiety.

RampantIvy · 19/08/2021 16:00

@SunShinesBrightly

Can you afford to have another baby? Do you have space in your house for 4 children? What about when they are older? Can you see yourself financially supporting 4 teenagers?
OP can I suggest that you read some of the higher education threads for a reality check.
Plumtree391 · 19/08/2021 16:00

@SunshineCake

My MIL told me not to have any more as she said I couldn't cope with the two I already had. We wanted another so we had another but her comment really hurt. Hate her for it tbh.
There is such a thing as forgiveness, you know.

What she said was tactless but maybe it looked as though you could barely cope with two.

There comes a time to get over off the cuff remarks, hatred is horrible!

GintyMcGinty · 19/08/2021 16:03

I never discussed my procreation plans with my parents. Its none of their business. Its between you and your partner. No one else.

SunshineCake · 19/08/2021 16:03

Oh go away @Plumtree391.

Plumtree391 · 19/08/2021 16:06

Do you know why you would like a fourth child?

RubyGoat · 19/08/2021 16:16

It’s none of their business. 4 children isn’t an outrageously large family. They had 4 themselves but don’t want you to - quite hypocritical TBH. And what precisely do they believe they won’t be able to afford if you have any more DC, given that they don’t support you financially?

Feather12 · 19/08/2021 16:16

@MojoMoon

If you do get pregnant, just tell then you are and then tell them it's none of their business and rude to comment on other people's lives

That said, you do sound quite young and immature...so maybe don't rush into a fourth or more children

How does she sound immature? And even if she did, having 3 children already means that horse has well and truly bolted, so why would a fourth child make any difference whatsoever?
HalzTangz · 19/08/2021 16:18

@stayathomer

If they have 4 children then 4 was obviously their tipping point. I had the same anytime I said we'd like 4, they said 4 is very difficult when they're so young and financially it's a shock. And it is, I wouldn't say it's a big deal and I'd say they'd probably say the same to your sister.

It's your decision, obviously, but you should take your current and any future children into account. Ever heard of global warming? Do you really want to bring yet another child into a world becoming increasingly chaotic? It will almost certainly have a difficult life.
I don't know how to respond to this. And that's not in a jokey way. We should all be aware of course, but I don't think it's time to give up yet (meant honestly in a nice way)

It's time for people to make changes now, having lots of children therefore increasing the population is a big factor with climate change
ImAddictedToMyPhone · 19/08/2021 16:24

There must be another reason why your parents are telling you not to have another baby. Maybe they're worried? Are you financially comfortable? Do you own your own home? Hows your mental health? All these things have to be considered. To be honest, 27 years old and 3 kids already- that's a lot. You're still young, so why not wait a few years.

LostThings · 19/08/2021 16:31

I come from a family that would never discuss this kind of thing with their parents. Neither me or my siblings spoke to our parents before getting pregnant, we just cracked on with it! I have one child, but my sister has 4. My parents love all their grandchildren. Personally I would just go for it, but obviously you need to do what's best for you.

HalzTangz · 19/08/2021 16:34

@Dillydollydingdong

You aren't being U to want another baby. If that's what you want. Jamie Oliver's wife is trying for her sixth. BUT aren't there enough people in the world already?
Only difference being Jamie is minted lol
Disintegration1985 · 19/08/2021 16:35

Christ, there's a LOT of people up on their high horses here. I don't think OP asked for opinions on having 4 children, just how to deal with their parents.

I wouldn't say anything at this point. Or I'd be tempted to just reply 'charming, I'm sure any future children we have will be pleased to know how wanted they are'. Hopefully when/if you do fall pregnant, they'll be nice enough to be pleased for you.

Hemingwaycat · 19/08/2021 16:36

It’s none of their business and I’m unsure why you’re even involving them in this decision.

Babdoc · 19/08/2021 16:36

SudokuZebra, having an extra child causes an average 58 tonnes of CO2 equivalent carbon footprint per year, for every year of the child’s life.
That’s far worse than flying for one foreign holiday annually, or eating locally farmed meat, or any of your other examples.
The extra child will grow up to need a whole extra house, transport, electrical goods, furniture, heating, entertainment, fuel, etc etc.
It is beyond selfish and irresponsible, with the planet facing global climate change and severe over population, to have more than two children.

HalzTangz · 19/08/2021 16:42

[quote SudokuZebra]@lynsey91, why on earth is it completely mad and selfish to have four children ?![/quote]
Climate change or do you not watch or read the news. Over population (caused by people having too many kids) is a big factor of the state the world is in

Sloth66 · 19/08/2021 16:48

I wouldn’t suggest anyone have 4 children given the very worrying news recently. Hopefully it will become more socially unacceptable to be irresponsible and have a big family.