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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents don’t think I should have another baby

292 replies

Mummy940908 · 19/08/2021 12:07

My fiancé and I want to try for another baby. We have a 5year old and 2 year old twins. Only issue is my parents seem to think we shouldn’t have any more especially my dad. and they just kick off about it without anyone even mentioning it. I can’t do right for doing wrong when it comes to my parents. If it was my younger sister 16,it’s a different story and the best thing ever. Any advice on how to tell them we are pregnant when the time comes would be appreciated or what you would do in this situation as it’s really not helping my anxiety. I want to add we also DONT rely on them for childcare or financial purposes EITHER. If anything it’s my mum relying on me for babysitting my 2 youngest sisters 8,9.

OP posts:
pleasekeeptotheright · 19/08/2021 12:14

Twins, hun and xxxx

This thread has it all Wink

rothbury · 19/08/2021 12:15

It sounds like they don't really accept you have grown up and are an independent and self sufficient person.

If you babysit for them, maybe they are just being selfish and thinking you may be less able to do that for them longer term.

I would say to them that if they don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Flowers

HappyTimeTunnelDinosaur · 19/08/2021 12:15

It's not up to them, you two need to make the decision, however 3 children is probably plenty really. Your other children may be better off if you don't for now, also if you are 27 you have plenty of time to pause and work out what you want to do.

bobandhisburgers · 19/08/2021 12:15

With the information you've given, it's really nothing to do with them if you have another baby or not. I feel there is going to be a massive drip feed here though.

What if you have another set of twins?

Original poster
Mummy940908 · 19/08/2021 12:15

@MojoMoon

If you do get pregnant, just tell then you are and then tell them it's none of their business and rude to comment on other people's lives

That said, you do sound quite young and immature...so maybe don't rush into a fourth or more children

May I ask how I sound immature please?
OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 19/08/2021 12:15

Dad just says he can’t afford it even though he doesn’t pay anything for them

That’s weird Hmm

SheABitSpicyToday · 19/08/2021 12:16

Why are you even discussing it with them?

ineedaholidaynow · 19/08/2021 12:16

Is there a reason you aren't married, but engaged, and planning to have a 4th baby?

Nothapppy · 19/08/2021 12:16

It's your decision, obviously, but you should take your current and any future children into account. Ever heard of global warming? Do you really want to bring yet another child into a world becoming increasingly chaotic? It will almost certainly have a difficult life.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/08/2021 12:17

dad will randomly come out with u better not have another baby I can’t afford it

To which you surely reply “that’s okay, the ones we’ve already got don’t cost you anything so neither will another one”. If not why not?

3 children is plenty but if you have to have more than refuse to discuss it with them.

Anordinarymum · 19/08/2021 12:17

What about the 16 year old sister

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 19/08/2021 12:17

it's none of their business and rude to comment on other people's lives

Several posters on here could do with remembering this.

ImprobablePuffin · 19/08/2021 12:18

@ineedaholidaynow

Is there a reason you aren't married, but engaged, and planning to have a 4th baby?
Is there a reason you're being a judgey twunt?
KatherineJaneway · 19/08/2021 12:18

Do you think they disapprove because you had children before getting married?

However as PP said, really none of their business as they have no stake in your decision.

Original poster
Mummy940908 · 19/08/2021 12:18

@GreyhoundG1rl

Your Dad says he can't afford your children? That's odd!
I know my partner and I said the same think he means birthdays but like we’ve said countless times the kids don’t need anything they be happy spending quality time with the people they love
OP posts:
SunbathingDragon · 19/08/2021 12:19

Perhaps they still want you to be able to babysit for them.

I also think there is more to this but ultimately, it’s your decision (and your partner’s) and not theirs.

idontknowwhyibother · 19/08/2021 12:19

So they don't want you have more children because you won't be able to babysit your sisters? Is that right?
I would stop offering to babysit them until they are more supportive.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 19/08/2021 12:20

You need to say "what do you mean you can't afford it? What do you pay for my children?"

You should stop babysitting and focus on your own children if they're going to be difficult.

Original poster
Mummy940908 · 19/08/2021 12:20

@rothbury

It sounds like they don't really accept you have grown up and are an independent and self sufficient person.

If you babysit for them, maybe they are just being selfish and thinking you may be less able to do that for them longer term.

I would say to them that if they don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Flowers

Thank you
OP posts:
Lostinthemail · 19/08/2021 12:20

I’d stop babysitting for them and do whatever I wanted, because it’s none of their business.

ChildrenGrowingUpTooFast · 19/08/2021 12:21

You sounded immature because you are asking for the approval of your parents to have children. It is you and your partner’s decision only. By the way you described the situation, it sounded like you rely on them on either money or childcare.

Anordinarymum · 19/08/2021 12:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

PurpleDaisies · 19/08/2021 12:22

This isn’t anything to do with them. Why are you even discussing it with them?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 19/08/2021 12:23

ImprobablePuffin there's nothing "judgey" about wondering if it's wise to have DCs with someone you're not married to - not for moralistic reasons, but simply because because women can be in a very vulnerable position if they're a SAHMs and are then left on their own

TBF married mums can be left on their own too, but at least they've then got some rights of their own

honeylulu · 19/08/2021 12:24

None of their business if it's having no impact on them! My BIL says cheap like this. He's single and no children by choice but whenever there was need of a new niece or nephew (there are only three in total by the way) he would moan and grown about how he "couldn't cope" with another one. He wasn't expected to look after them in any way and has barely seen them to be honest (no loss!)

Possibly they are most worried about the free babysitting coming to an end. If so they are cheeky AF.

One thing I wondered about. Do they like your fiance? It's he "a good sort" ? I'm just wondering if he's a player type and has had three children with you without actually being married they might be worried that he is stringing you along and one day will up and leave you as a single mother. Then they might HAVE to help you.

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