Parents don’t think I should have another baby

[Mummy940908]

My fiancé and I want to try for another baby. We have a 5year old and 2 year old twins. Only issue is my parents seem to think we shouldn’t have any more especially my dad. and they just kick off about it without anyone even mentioning it. I can’t do right for doing wrong when it comes to my parents. If it was my younger sister 16,it’s a different story and the best thing ever. Any advice on how to tell them we are pregnant when the time comes would be appreciated or what you would do in this situation as it’s really not helping my anxiety. I want to add we also DONT rely on them for childcare or financial purposes EITHER. If anything it’s my mum relying on me for babysitting my 2 youngest sisters 8,9.

Can you comfortably afford one more? Can you currently manage three both physically and mentally?

They are the questions you need to ask yourself.

I think you need to consider lots of things. Do you both earn enough to support possibly 5 children of you have twins again? Is the house big enough? If you have a car does it have enough room for 7.

@Watermelon40 they eat quite a lot too!

@GreyhoundG1rl she's been nothing but pleasant and I read nothing to suggest she's immature. If what you mean is she doesn't sound middle class just come out and say it. Own your snobbery.

I think 3 is plenty. We are bleeding the finite resources of our planet dry. Please think about that.

[quote DemBonesDemBones]@GreyhoundG1rl she's been nothing but pleasant and I read nothing to suggest she's immature. If what you mean is she doesn't sound middle class just come out and say it. Own your snobbery.[/quote]
I meant nothing of the sort, actually. Please stop demanding I say things alongside insisting I've said things I haven't. It's tedious.
I'll post what I please. As will you.

Do you really need 4 kids..??

I think it's excessive and not the best for the future of your current kids

People need to stop having so many kids.

Frankly, I just don't get it. Other threads about the great fear and worry about climate change, yet people who already have 3 children want more.

I realize it is not really my business, but are we not being told the #1 way to reduce your carbon footprint is to have fewer children. Apparently we shouldn't have pets either.

If the OP said she was switching to using single-use plastic for dishes, there would be an outcry. Or heaven forbid using a tumble dryer.

Is it just me or are we all being too selective in the things we are willing to do?

It’s up to you and your fiancé. Ignore your parents comments and anyone else who’s posting “do you need more children”. Continue having as many children as you feel you can support!

Some people aren’t lucky enough to choose how many children to have so if it’s only people’s opinions stopping you, ignore it!!

Some parents have trouble that their adult child has sex (even if they have kids of their own). I wouldn’t tell them until I was pregnant, their reaction has been so disappointing for you so I’d keep everything private from now

Rather than having no the number of children you can support, how about having the number of children the planet can actually support? Given the well publicised record temperatures, fires and floods, I don’t think that’s 4.

Why is this man your "fiance" when you have three kids? How about getting married before making more babies?

@PrincessNutella

Why is this man your "fiance" when you have three kids? How about getting married before making more babies?

Maybe they’re in no rush to get married? What relevance does their marital status/lack-there-of have?!

@PrincessNutella

Why is this man your "fiance" when you have three kids? How about getting married before making more babies?

You appear to have missed the point of thread entirely.

None of their business. Are they always so controlling?
Your life, your choice.

@SudokuZebra

Erm, the queen has four children and no one is calling her environmentally irresponsible 🙄

People on Mumsnet are completely weird about having children op. They insist that any child is a disaster.

Having ten kids which all get taken into care at birth ? Irresponsible. A fourth child in a happy family unit ? Not irresponsible at all.

And I'd be very, very interested to know if the posters who are criticising the environmental aspect are vegetarian, not flying, using public transport and sourcing locally. I somehow doubt it 🙄

@SudokuZebra - the queen had her children 60/70 years ago! I seriously doubt anyone back then would be thinking about climate change when having kids 🙄

Is the fiance the father of the other kids?

To those saying 4 kids is too many and its bleeding the world dry may I remind you that we have lost 4.4 million in the last year and a half.

What can you get from a 4th kid that you can't get from 3? Well another human being who deserves as much love as the rest. You might even get an adult in 18 years who creates a live saving drug or some other useful idea to help humanity or YOUR kids.

OP It kind of reads that your parents are concerned that you might not be able to manage so many young kids and that leaves them without a babysitter for your siblings.

@Babdoc

SudokuZebra, having an extra child causes an average 58 tonnes of CO2 equivalent carbon footprint per year, for every year of the child’s life. That’s far worse than flying for one foreign holiday annually, or eating locally farmed meat, or any of your other examples. The extra child will grow up to need a whole extra house, transport, electrical goods, furniture, heating, entertainment, fuel, etc etc. It is beyond selfish and irresponsible, with the planet facing global climate change and severe over population, to have more than two children.

Yet you are here? Aren't you a CO2 exuding human being too? Have you any plans to do anything about cutting down your CO2 to zero?

imagine calling the child an 'extra' child. Maybe the BABY WILL GROW UP TO BE PART OF THE SOLUTION.

When the time comes I just wouldn’t tell them at all, let them realise your pregnant in due course. If they ask why you didn’t tell them just say well I knew you wouldn’t be happy for me so I saved myself the upset. End of, your an adult don’t let your parents control what you do and don’t let them make you feel bad either.

It's not immature to be in a long term relationship and decide to have a fourth child

TBF we don't know if it's a long term relationship - or whether the fiance's the father of the other DCs - or if anyone works - or whether they manage okay with the existing DCs - or what the DF's doubts are really based on

So really it's all very much based on principles rather than being able to offer specific advice

it’s really not helping my anxiety.

Maybe your mental health is the reason they think you've got enough on your plate already.?