Parents don’t think I should have another baby

[Mummy940908]

My fiancé and I want to try for another baby. We have a 5year old and 2 year old twins. Only issue is my parents seem to think we shouldn’t have any more especially my dad. and they just kick off about it without anyone even mentioning it. I can’t do right for doing wrong when it comes to my parents. If it was my younger sister 16,it’s a different story and the best thing ever. Any advice on how to tell them we are pregnant when the time comes would be appreciated or what you would do in this situation as it’s really not helping my anxiety. I want to add we also DONT rely on them for childcare or financial purposes EITHER. If anything it’s my mum relying on me for babysitting my 2 youngest sisters 8,9.

@Nothapppy

It's your decision, obviously, but you should take your current and any future children into account. Ever heard of global warming? Do you really want to bring yet another child into a world becoming increasingly chaotic? It will almost certainly have a difficult life.

By that reckoning no one should have any children at all so not really helpful.

From a personal point of view and leaving your parents out of it, you should listen to your heart and go ahead and have as many children as you want.

However, from a global standpoint, given all the wildfires, flooding and environmental chaos that's abounding around us, shouldn't we be considering population reduction? Nothing as polluting as one more extra human being...

Sorry for being that annoying person to bring up climate change and net zero 2050 but the IPCC report looks extremely bleak.

Not only by having another baby are you contributing to more CO2 in the atmosphere but you are also putting one more person on the planet with an uncertain future that needs feeding. Without fertilizer we wouldn't have enough food to feed the current population.

Not sure what the next 10 years holds for all of us, let alone the next 50. Everything seems OK now - but the IPCC is pretty sure that things are going to get worse.

In summary, personally yes to more kids, globally and ideologically, no. I won't be having any more.

@lynsey91

Well your parents probably wonder why the hell you want 4 children.

Do you not think there are enough people in the world already? You already have 3 which is quite a lot.

If you were my daughter I would think you were completely mad and selfish

I can't help wondering why the op wants another child when she has three very young children already.

She may not know herself. Or perhaps prefers even numbers to odds.

Whatever, it's up to her and her partner.

Dishwashersaurous
"He could be coming from a place of love and concern for you all. Three children including twins is a lot for anyone to deal with and ensure that their and the child's needs are met.

Maybe he genuinely thinks that you would be stretching yourself too thin"

My thoughts as well....You are his baby too...

Don't tell them then. I got married without telling mine.

It is really none of their business.
You are 27, have your own house, don't rely on them for anything...from what you have said in your posts, I'm not sure why they have such a strong opinion on it.

Good so many people cut out to be world leaders on MN 🤣🤣

OP it's none of their business at all. They only thing I think you should factor in WRT their opinion is that they may be reluctant to do childcare if you have another. So if you do have another maybe think about making alternative plans

3 kids is far too many already. No need for another.

It's none of their business if you have another child. Just tell them you would prefer not to discuss personal matters which don't concern them if they bring it up.

My parents say this all the time, and did between my 2nd and 3rd child. like everyone always, they ill get used to no. 4 if you have one. always the way, especially as the are not responsible for the child.

Do what you want do. You can't be 27/28 and not doing something you really want that won't harm anyone 'because dad says so'. At some point that has got to stop, non?!

OP, if this is real then please come back and answer previously asked questions. For example, do you really think your parents would be thrilled if your 16 year old sister had a child, and why? What sort of financial position are you and your fiancé in? (Children are very expensive and get more expensive as they get older, especially if they have special needs). Most importantly, why - when you have three young children already - do you want another?

Personally I agree with your parents that you having another child would be a terrible idea, although as you are a grown woman and they don't support you it's actually none of their business.

But, you are engaged so therefore planning to marry. Why not do that first? It would give you and your children a lot more security. (I only say this because as you are engaged, presumably you are both on board with the idea of getting married).

I also agree with previous posters about that fact that it's selfish not to consider the environmental impacts of a large family. You already have three children. There is absolutely no reason to have more. (Plus, as you well know, it wouldn't necessarily be just one more.)

Given that you are so young (is your fiancé a similar age?), if you stop having children now, you will still be young once they are grown and will have lots of time left to enjoy your older years. Assuming your children have no additional needs, by the time you are 50 your kids will all be out on their own and independent. What a lovely position to be in!

I can understand your annoyance with your parents, but please think carefully about whether another child/ren is a good idea and whatever you do don't have one just to prove to them that it's none of their business!

@NinaBallerinaShoes

Loving this thread. It’s the gift huns.

I’m here for the backstory.

My friend dislikes the fact that more grandchildren, or pets, friends, sils/dils and their families mean her children have less time to devote to her. She doesn't like anything to detract from her or interfere in her plans.

She likes me to visit on one particular evening a week. I often have my daughter at home that night and don't leave her home alone for long and not at night. She gets upset I won't visit. I offer an afternoon visit but she won't have it because she wants me to visit in the evening. She isn't doing anything else but watching tv.

Drip drip drip

9 out of ten times I don’t say anything dad will randomly come out with u better not have another baby I can’t afford it

Well that's so illogical it's easily dealt with OP.
When he next decides to raise this random & irrelevant point, challenge him.
"Not sure what you're on about dad - the first 3 didn't cost you a bean, & neither will the 4th, so what are you wittering about?"

He says this shit because you let him get away with it. It's nonsense - so tell him so, & he will realise that you are not going to tolerate it.

I'm here for the huns.
OP, if what you are saying is true, then it's none of your parents business. 4 children at such a young age seems excessive.
Does your partner work?

Hold on.

Your parents have you, your 16 year old sister, and two under 10?

So don't they have 4 kids at least?!

Haaaaaa!

I think something is being omitted.

There is inevitably a HUGE backstory here.
Parents don't tell you to not have another child because it's costing them more in birthdays, an event that takes place once a year.. and maybe Christmas as well.
There is something you aren't telling us, and until you do - this thread is moot.

@GiantHaystacks2021

I think 3 kids is enough personally. What will you get from a 4th kid that you can't get from the existing 3?

I agree 3 kids is enough really Why do you want another one?

If everyone had 4 kids just imagine that!

2 or 3 is just a nice number @Mummy940908

My your parents are worried how you'll cope not just financially but practically

None of their business.
I do think having lots of children in this day and age is environmentally irresponsible though.
Obviously you can't help the fact that you had twins but do you really want a fourth child?

OTOH my parents didn't want me to have a second child. I did, and they got over it.

Another child is going to take attention and money away from the ones you have already. It's no one's business, but your existing children might not thank you later.

That's leaving the climate emergency out of it.

You either ignore and crack on or speak to them sensibly and ask why. If you were my DD I’d be concerned about you coping financially and practicality as a single mother if DP dies/leaves. I personally wouldn’t have had more children than I could support on my own if need be. They see how you are with DP and your children. Could they be worried you’d be stretched too thin - are you always moaning, no time for yourself or stressed. Only you know op.