Parents don’t think I should have another baby

[Mummy940908]

My fiancé and I want to try for another baby. We have a 5year old and 2 year old twins. Only issue is my parents seem to think we shouldn’t have any more especially my dad. and they just kick off about it without anyone even mentioning it. I can’t do right for doing wrong when it comes to my parents. If it was my younger sister 16,it’s a different story and the best thing ever. Any advice on how to tell them we are pregnant when the time comes would be appreciated or what you would do in this situation as it’s really not helping my anxiety. I want to add we also DONT rely on them for childcare or financial purposes EITHER. If anything it’s my mum relying on me for babysitting my 2 youngest sisters 8,9.

It isn’t just a parenting forum. That’s not a fair criticism.
The manners thing, fine, but plenty of people without children are here and we have every right to be.

No, it's not PurpleDaisies, but what BeingATwat said on a mostly parenting forum was spectacularly rude.

@PurpleDaisies you're right. I apologise on that front.
That comment just peed me off.

@Jamdown123

I didn't ask you to justify anything. I made a response to your argument as to why people shouldn't be bothered about the impact multiple children have on the environment and how it was nonsensical. I never asked for you to explain why you had multiple children, just stated that it is pointless to suggest that too many children don't have a negative impact on the environment, because it very clearly does.

I believe everyone should be able to have a child. But I believe having multiple children is damaging to the environment. Surely that is not an outrageous opinion to have?

Everyone who wants to experience parenthood should be able to do so, but I think it's a fairer world if people are considerate of how many children people have so resources are more evenly distributed and theres a chance the children have a better future with lesser risk of overpopulation and effects of global warming...wow what a selfish thought to have. Really ?

@SofaSpuds

No, it's not PurpleDaisies, but what BeingATwat said on a mostly parenting forum was spectacularly rude.

Apologies! It was Lynsey who said it.

[quote Mreggsworth]@Jamdown123

I didn't ask you to justify anything. I made a response to your argument as to why people shouldn't be bothered about the impact multiple children have on the environment and how it was nonsensical. I never asked for you to explain why you had multiple children, just stated that it is pointless to suggest that too many children don't have a negative impact on the environment, because it very clearly does.

I believe everyone should be able to have a child. But I believe having multiple children is damaging to the environment. Surely that is not an outrageous opinion to have?

Everyone who wants to experience parenthood should be able to do so, but I think it's a fairer world if people are considerate of how many children people have so resources are more evenly distributed and theres a chance the children have a better future with lesser risk of overpopulation and effects of global warming...wow what a selfish thought to have. Really ? [/quote]
It is not outrageous, it's just contradictory UNLESS you believe the world's population should stay EXACTLY as it is today, which is just unrealistic.

The world does not need lots more Westerners. So if you're in the West why have children?

The idea that everyone who wants to experience parenthood should, is just as flimsy. You can do that without having your own little gas glutton whipper snappers in our smoke filled country.

What we need are solutions. One solution is the restriction of the Western population. That can start with you @Mreggsworth. Don't have any children. After all, they will only have more Western children and so on.

Or we should all live lifestyles where we use drastically less fuel. I'm guessing you won't be doing that because you're powering your electrical device, bothering to respond to me, somehow, and YOU LIVE IN THE WEST!

Have no children, move to Chad. Have one child, move to Chad. Have 19 children, but please MOVE TO CHAD. Do what YOU can before YOU start to prescribe action to others.

If any part of my argument is not making sense please let me know.

BTW I do think having children is a selfish act in most cases. I just don't think a high-fuel consuming person is being less selfish by only having 2 and not having 2 or more. It's how one lives that counts.

Wow this thread is getting a bit mean! Op maybe the youngest two talked to each other in pig language causing them tons of anxiety and stress and making them realise4 is more difficult than they thought? Just because I think that may have happened to my parents ...

Have you asked your dad why he is saying he can't afford YOUR kids? It sounds odd.

So your mum expects you to babysit with a child and a set of 2 year old twins?

Sorry OP. But you sound like you have enough at the moment with twins. What's the rush?

Why would I comment on Chad? Mumsnet is a UK forum therefore mostly people will be referring to western communities.

You are very defensive and aggressive. I really have not said anything overly controversial, just that the world is in general over populated, resources are stretched, the world is warming and more and more places are going to become uninhabitable creating global tensions and increased poverty, a way of reducing the impact of that is to reduce over population.

A lot of your argument isnt making much sense but I'm not replying any more as I cant be bothered

Just to clarify, I did NOT say this:

Me and DH had the intelligence to decide when we married 40 years ago that the planet was already overpopulated and we would not be adding to it.

I quoted it and think it’s a horrendously rude comment.

@BeingATwatItsABingThing

Just to clarify, I did NOT say this:

Me and DH had the intelligence to decide when we married 40 years ago that the planet was already overpopulated and we would not be adding to it.

I quoted it and think it’s a horrendously rude comment.

Apologies Being I did accuse you of saying it, but as soon as I realised my mistake, I did apologise.

It is rude!

@Mreggsworth

Why would I comment on Chad? Mumsnet is a UK forum therefore mostly people will be referring to western communities.

You are very defensive and aggressive. I really have not said anything overly controversial, just that the world is in general over populated, resources are stretched, the world is warming and more and more places are going to become uninhabitable creating global tensions and increased poverty, a way of reducing the impact of that is to reduce over population.

A lot of your argument isnt making much sense but I'm not replying any more as I cant be bothered

And it's sad that your child or two will have to live in that world.

So selfish....

I'm not being aggressive, I'm being firm. I'm poking my nose in telling you what to do with your body and your life, though it's no business of mine, just as you seem to think you can with others.

I had no idea you were only talking about the impact of climate change on the West. I myself do not just think about the UK or the West when I think about global issues. It seems you do.

I hope you will not only stop talking to me about this, but you will stop all of that talking with everyone until your personal position aligns with your argument, at least.

Otherwise may you have as much happiness and joy in parenthood when it comes to you as we have had with our many many children.

@SofaSpuds

I saw your apology. Thank you.

@Jamdown123

Ok. Still doesn't make sense but cool 👍🏻

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil
Interesting

[quote Mreggsworth]@Jamdown123

Ok. Still doesn't make sense but cool 👍🏻[/quote]
Just seen this tag.

I'm certain we are both reasonable people. I can see your points very clearly, and I respect them.

Given your points, I don't hold your personal perspective in much regard:

You say there are too many people in the world. You are one of them. Ok, so you will not end your life, no one is seriously expecting you to do that. But when you begin to make pronouncements on other people's life choices this brings yours squarely into view. You live in the West and you use more fuel than you need to. I know this because you've bothered to spend time and energy responding to me. and it's hard to live a carbon-low life in the West. You could live elsewhere and live a different life if you are so concerned about the planet, but you don't.

Then you also say OP has too many children already - two is enough. but taken to it's logical conclusion, your argument points to none. I've already said I respect people who look around, see environmental carnage, and don't want to add to that in any way. On the other hand, you say you want to have at least one. That does add to damage. That adds one. You might say 'but I'm not even replacing myself', but the replacing oneself argument is a strange one because it only holds if you intend to give up the ghost as soo as you give birth. Otherwise your family goes from 2 to 3 or 1 to 2, and will be that way until you die, hopefully say 50 years or more after the birth of you child. That's a LOT of environmental damage in your books. You have said more than 2 is too many. That's even more than one! So I don't understand that argument either.

Nwow, what I think is how you live your life is what matters, not really how many children you have. You can be environmentally responsible with one, two or more children, or completely outrageously reckless with none, one, two or more. I for one use no plastic nappies. My children have all used the exact same cloth nappies that I got at least second hand from a mate. Or their bums bums are naked. Compare that to someone with one children who changes the plastic every two hours. That's just one tiny thing I do.

I also think we would do well to not start prescribing ways of living to others at any point, and certainly not until we have exhausted all that we can do ourselves.

Really hope I'm making sense now.