Page 11 | Parents don’t think I should have another baby

Mummy940908 · 2021-08-19T11:07:39+00:00

My fiancé and I want to try for another baby. We have a 5year old and 2 year old twins. Only issue is my parents seem to think we shouldn’t have any more especially my dad. and they just kick off about it without anyone even mentioning it. I can’t do right for doing wrong when it comes to my parents. If it was my younger sister 16,it’s a different story and the best thing ever. Any advice on how to tell them we are pregnant when the time comes would be appreciated or what you would do in this situation as it’s really not helping my anxiety. I want to add we also DONT rely on them for childcare or financial purposes EITHER. If anything it’s my mum relying on me for babysitting my 2 youngest sisters 8,9.

Yourstupidityexhaustsme · 19/08/2021 22:55

@2bazookas

it’s really not helping my anxiety.

Maybe your mental health is the reason they think you've got enough on your plate already.?</div></div>

Offensive.

They’ve clearly stated their (🤨) financial situation puts them off a fourth grandchild. People with anxiety make perfectly good parents.

Mreggsworth · 19/08/2021 23:05

@Jamdown123

Can you not see the massive flaw in the argument "well if you exist and are exuding CO2 then why can't I bring multiple more CO2 exuding humans to the world" ?

So just because we exist, its hypocritical to have an opinion that having multiple children is bad for the environment? So only those who decide to kill themselves can express concern that the world is overpopulated

And if everyone just kept having multiple children just on the rare chance that theyll be the solution when theyll more likely be part of the problem the world would be even more screwed.

If you want 3,4,5,6 children etc, go ahead and do it because it makes you happy, but just dont in anyway try to justify the decision as being anything but damaging to the earth and future generations.

Jamdown123 · 19/08/2021 23:42

[quote Mreggsworth]@Jamdown123

Can you not see the massive flaw in the argument "well if you exist and are exuding CO2 then why can't I bring multiple more CO2 exuding humans to the world" ?

So just because we exist, its hypocritical to have an opinion that having multiple children is bad for the environment? So only those who decide to kill themselves can express concern that the world is overpopulated

And if everyone just kept having multiple children just on the rare chance that theyll be the solution when theyll more likely be part of the problem the world would be even more screwed.

If you want 3,4,5,6 children etc, go ahead and do it because it makes you happy, but just dont in anyway try to justify the decision as being anything but damaging to the earth and future generations.[/quote]
Can you not see the massive flaw in the argument "well if you exist and are exuding CO2 then why can't I bring multiple more CO2 exuding humans to the world" ?

I can't see the flaw in the argument, no. If you're here why can't our children be here?

So just because we exist, its hypocritical to have an opinion that having multiple children is bad for the environment? So only those who decide to kill themselves can express concern that the world is overpopulated hmm

Now THAT does seem logical.

I think people can live responsibly, and they should. But I don't presume to know how they will live or prejudge them, as you clearly do.

I have had more than two children and I care so little for your narrow-minded opinions that I wouldn't try to justify my decisions to you. You clearly have little compassionate ability, or the ability to put yourself into another person's shoes, or to imagine a life different to yours with different motivations, needs and desires.

It's pitiful that you even write about human beings as no more than damaging to the earth. How dare you talk about anyone like that? Really? Crass and morose.

Booboosweet · 19/08/2021 23:53

Sounds like you have enough on your plate and your parents are giving sensible advice.

DemBonesDemBones · 20/08/2021 00:22

All these 'you have enough on your plate' comments are rage inducing. YOU might 'have enough on your plate' with 3 children, but there are many people that don't find it that difficult. Some of us gasp enjoy our children. Some find parenting easier than others. Indeed, the op looks after her younger siblings as well as her own children. I'd say she's doing an excellent job, actually.

GreyhoundG1rl · 20/08/2021 01:04

I'd say she's doing an excellent job, actually.
You have no idea what sort of job she (or anybody else) is doing based on a few lines on an Internet forum.

UserStillatLarge · 20/08/2021 08:32

@GreyhoundG1rl

I'd say she's doing an excellent job, actually. You have no idea what sort of job she (or anybody else) is doing based on a few lines on an Internet forum.

Agree. It really annoys me when posters say "you're doing an excellent job" when actually we know nothing at all about how good or otherwise the OP's parenting is.

lynsey91 · 20/08/2021 08:56

@LilQueenie

To those saying 4 kids is too many and its bleeding the world dry may I remind you that we have lost 4.4 million in the last year and a half.

What can you get from a 4th kid that you can't get from 3? Well another human being who deserves as much love as the rest. You might even get an adult in 18 years who creates a live saving drug or some other useful idea to help humanity or YOUR kids.

OP It kind of reads that your parents are concerned that you might not be able to manage so many young kids and that leaves them without a babysitter for your siblings.

We may have lost 4.4 million but the world is still far too overcrowded. Why do people pretend it isn't?

No one NEEDS 4 children, they don't even need 3. The more children you have the less time and attention you can give each one. It's pretty obvious really.

Some people try and justify having so many children by saying "they may grow up to cure cancer/solve all the climate change problems blah blah blah". The chances are pretty remote. They may grow up and decide they don't want to work or just have lots of children themselves

Jamdown123 · 20/08/2021 09:04

They may grow up and decide they don't want to work or just have lots of children themselves

Which means they are less valuable human beings?

This thread is a true stinker.

I really hope all of those posters who have said x number of babies is too much for the earth to sustain, do not have ANY children at all. That would make sense to me. End your line here.

I'm not going to read this thread again, it's horrendous. I wonder how I can stop the notifications coming through....

NewlyGranny · 20/08/2021 09:10

My experience of having and raising twins was that it made me super organised! You just have to be. I remember having the massive end to end double pushchair out of the boot, tackled up and both babies strapped in while my friend with one baby was still faffing about.

It's nobody's business but yours how many children you have. For every couple who want three or more there are people deciding against parenthood altogether. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Mreggsworth · 20/08/2021 09:23

@Jamdown123

I have compassion for those on the planet already and for future generations. When I have a child I want that child to live a long fulfilling life, away from threat and terror and I want that child to be able to have a child who has the same. The more people who decide to have multiple children, the more that slips away. I think it's far more compassionate to worry about the children already on the planet and the future of the human race than it is to worry if you should be having multiple children.

And you dont need to justify anything. I dont care how many children you have, me alongside many others believe that its not ideal for people to have more than 2, but have any point have I asked for you to explain why you or anyone has had more than 2?

Someone posted in response to the OP that they should consider the environment impact before having more kids. That was met by very illogical arguments such as "bet those who say that go abroad on holiday" or "well people already exist so you might aswell have as many children as you like" - I was simply pointing out those arguments are empty and meaningless.

No one is asking you (well I'm not) to justify having multiple kids, if they make you happy, that works best for your family and life style then great, really. But some have without being asked got defensive and tried to justify having multiple children and minimising the environmental issue. There is literally no way of justifying your decision as being anything but negative for the environment, if you have multiple children and are happy with your decision, just don't bother commenting on the environmental issues associated with multiple children.

Erwhatno · 20/08/2021 10:22

Well quite

Lavender24 · 20/08/2021 10:36

@Booboosweet

Sounds like you have enough on your plate and your parents are giving sensible advice.

Yes, this.

Legoisawesome · 20/08/2021 10:39

Talk to the mum, explain about your child additional needs and ask if they are ok with that or would they prefer you come along incase anything happens. My experience is some people are fine with it and others feel out of their depth and without asking you won’t know. Both of my children are neurodiverse.

Legoisawesome · 20/08/2021 10:40

Oh weird I have no idea how this has posted on the wrong thread 😂 skills

DemBonesDemBones · 20/08/2021 10:48

@GreyhoundG1rl yet you've decided all sorts of negative things based on the same information. This is a really horrible thread, with a couple of really judgemental and nasty contributors. I'm going to hide it now.
Good luck op!

SudokuZebra · 20/08/2021 11:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Namechange1million · 20/08/2021 12:06

With you, a 16 year old sister and two younger siblings... It's a bit hipocritical of them saying have no more when they themselves have 4 kids!

lynsey91 · 20/08/2021 12:11

@Jamdown123

They may grow up and decide they don't want to work or just have lots of children themselves

Which means they are less valuable human beings?

This thread is a true stinker.

I really hope all of those posters who have said x number of babies is too much for the earth to sustain, do not have ANY children at all. That would make sense to me. End your line here.

I'm not going to read this thread again, it's horrendous. I wonder how I can stop the notifications coming through....

Whether they are valuable or not is not relevant. We DO NOT NEED to keep increasing the population.

To answer your question, no I do not have children. Me and DH had the intelligence to decide when we married 40 years ago that the planet was already overpopulated and we would not be adding to it.

If people honestly cared about their childrens' future they would not have more than 2. Even then they are likely to have a pretty tough life with climate change, rising sea levels, food shortages etc etc. How anyone can think having children is not selfish I really don't know

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 20/08/2021 12:25

Me and DH had the intelligence to decide when we married 40 years ago that the planet was already overpopulated and we would not be adding to it.

Wow!

SoupDragon · 20/08/2021 16:04

Me and DH had the intelligence to decide when we married 40 years ago that the planet was already overpopulated and we would not be adding to it.

Intelligence?

It's "DH and I..." by the way.

Jamdown123 · 20/08/2021 16:27

[quote Mreggsworth]@Jamdown123

I have compassion for those on the planet already and for future generations. When I have a child I want that child to live a long fulfilling life, away from threat and terror and I want that child to be able to have a child who has the same. The more people who decide to have multiple children, the more that slips away. I think it's far more compassionate to worry about the children already on the planet and the future of the human race than it is to worry if you should be having multiple children.

And you dont need to justify anything. I dont care how many children you have, me alongside many others believe that its not ideal for people to have more than 2, but have any point have I asked for you to explain why you or anyone has had more than 2?

Someone posted in response to the OP that they should consider the environment impact before having more kids. That was met by very illogical arguments such as "bet those who say that go abroad on holiday" or "well people already exist so you might aswell have as many children as you like" - I was simply pointing out those arguments are empty and meaningless.

No one is asking you (well I'm not) to justify having multiple kids, if they make you happy, that works best for your family and life style then great, really. But some have without being asked got defensive and tried to justify having multiple children and minimising the environmental issue. There is literally no way of justifying your decision as being anything but negative for the environment, if you have multiple children and are happy with your decision, just don't bother commenting on the environmental issues associated with multiple children.[/quote]
You told me I couldn't justify having multiple children. I told you that I wouldn't try to do so. (sigh...)

You feel strongly about the impact of so many people in the world, so why would you have ANY children at all?

The world does NOT need 50% of your genes to continue on. That is just as selfish a stance. Your genes continue in some proportion elsewhere. I implore you to not add to The Problem. Stay child-free my friend.

Great.

Jamdown123 · 20/08/2021 16:31

@lynsey91

Which population exactly?

You have zero idea which population I am from. I might agree that the world does not need loads more people being born in the West. But does every population on earth need to pull back on children? Nope, certainly not. I firmly believe that people from my background have a while to go to catch up given we have been cut down and cut back for so long.

ourworldindata.org/co2-emissions

I'm really hoping you guys live in Chad. If not I cannot understand why any of you would consider having any children, you're all gas guzzling C02 exuding surplus beings, if your argument is taken to logical conclusions...

Jamdown123 · 20/08/2021 16:33

@BeingATwatItsABingThing

Me and DH had the intelligence to decide when we married 40 years ago that the planet was already overpopulated and we would not be adding to it.

Wow!

I respect that stance completely.

However, I still do not think that gives one the right to tell someone else whether they should or should not have any number of children.

girlmom21 · 20/08/2021 16:36

Me and DH had the intelligence to decide when we married 40 years ago that the planet was already overpopulated and we would not be adding to it.

Shame you've got no tact or manners, and are wasting your child free time on a parenting forum 👏🏻