Parents don’t think I should have another baby

[Mummy940908]

My fiancé and I want to try for another baby. We have a 5year old and 2 year old twins. Only issue is my parents seem to think we shouldn’t have any more especially my dad. and they just kick off about it without anyone even mentioning it. I can’t do right for doing wrong when it comes to my parents. If it was my younger sister 16,it’s a different story and the best thing ever. Any advice on how to tell them we are pregnant when the time comes would be appreciated or what you would do in this situation as it’s really not helping my anxiety. I want to add we also DONT rely on them for childcare or financial purposes EITHER. If anything it’s my mum relying on me for babysitting my 2 youngest sisters 8,9.

It's up to you how many dc you have but they are expensive and it can be extremely hard work as they grow up. Teens have hollow legs and housing costs go up if you need a bigger place.
Been there and done it, I had six dc.

Do they provide childcare? Financial support? Own your house? If they do you can’t expect them to be happy to look after another baby.

If they don’t I would genuinely laugh in the face and say what the fuck has it got to do with you? They’ll never mention it again.

You’re enabling them to still comment on it, make it clear it’s nothing to do with them and they’ll get bored.

HUGE congrats on your pregnancy OP!

If all three of the children that you have decide to go to university, have you thought how you will fund that?

I have two children. When I was in labour my mum goes "best not have anymore"

She seen my kids 3 times in 3 years,
She doesn't contribute financially
No childcare
I live 400 miles away

She still repeats it, she has 2 other grandchildren and says it will be expensive at birthdays and Christmas. I told her don't bother with presents or anything?

I think it's just baseless words

Well if you can afford to have them and have a house big enough to house them, have time to give to all of them and don't expect benefits to support that decision then go ahead.

Otherwise, your parents are maybe telling you something you don't want to hear.

Why is it an issue to you what they think?

If they have 4 children then 4 was obviously their tipping point. I had the same anytime I said we'd like 4, they said 4 is very difficult when they're so young and financially it's a shock. And it is, I wouldn't say it's a big deal and I'd say they'd probably say the same to your sister.

It's your decision, obviously, but you should take your current and any future children into account. Ever heard of global warming? Do you really want to bring yet another child into a world becoming increasingly chaotic? It will almost certainly have a difficult life.
I don't know how to respond to this. And that's not in a jokey way. We should all be aware of course, but I don't think it's time to give up yet (meant honestly in a nice way)

It's not your parents business but no doubt the believe three is enough children. My parents and my in laws would have felt the same but at the end of the day, it's up to you and if another baby comes along, they will love him or her. Tell them to butt out! It's an outrage that they feel free to comment.

I doubt very much if they would be delighted should your 16 year old sibling become pregnant!

"Any advice on how to tell them we are pregnant."

There is no 'we', you will be the pregnant one, not your husband.

HUGE congrats on your pregnancy OP!

What pregnancy?

Why the fuck are you giving airtime to the fact that they're commenting on your uterus??

If you genuinely don't depend on them for anything - financially, childcare etc, tell them to mind their own business.

So basically your DF is shooting his mouth off? Next time, why not ask him what bit of his grandchildren he can't afford? You could ask him for an invoice for what he's spent so far this year on the three you have.

Or you could just say, "That's fine, dad - we're not asking for your contribution, financial or otherwise. You can keep your money in your bank and your opinions in your head; we don't need either."

Maybe they are worried you will have another set of twins. It's up to you and your partner whether to have more children.

I wonder if your dad saying he can't afford it is from a child care point of view - he maybe thinks that if you have 2 year old twins plus a new baby you won't be able to give him free babysitting anymore and he'll have to pay for childcare.

Personally I don't think it's wise in situations like this to tell people that you're TTC. You're better just getting on with it if that's what you and your partner want and waiting until you're actually pregnant to tell them. At that point you just say "I'm pregnant" - if they can't be supportive then you leave them to it and focus on your own family

I do also wonder if there's more to this though

4 kids is a lot - financially, in terms of space, in terms of long-term planning. So I would think it would require a lot of thought, number crunching, and planning.

If you haven't done this, maybe that's why they're concerned

If have done the planning, and you're happy you can afford it, have the room etc, then it's none of your parents business.

Aww, hun.

There's quite a gap between you and your younger siblings - maybe it just feels like 27 years of babies & toddlers & they want a break.

Do you have a big enough house? Do you rely on benefits or do you support yourselves?

In any case it's up to you & if you want number 4 then go for it.

Well if they love you I assume it comes from a place of love and care, maybe they struggle and don't want you too.

Ultimately of course its not their business if they don't support you in any way.

However! I'd certainly urge caution but I have two one with sen and I find it hard enough to fully manage and support their needs, fight for one In school to get the support she needs, organise outside help on top of no 1 and working!

You're 27, you've a 16yo sister, and two much younger siblings of 8&9.
I'm not sure your parents are the best to be giving child bearing advice.

Can you afford to have another baby? Do you have space in your house for 4 children?
What about when they are older? Can you see yourself financially supporting 4 teenagers?

Of course they are!! They have four and probably feel the strain emotional, financial etc

@GiantHaystacks2021

I think 3 kids is enough personally. What will you get from a 4th kid that you can't get from the existing 3?

This

T be honest, in the present world climate, I think that at the most people should be having no more than two children (or two successful pregnancies, whichever comes first, to allow for multiple births).

This is an overpopulated world, with finite resources, and we are already at the limits, even in the wealthy west.

Just ignore him? Sounds like a grumpy git sort of remark that’s easily batted off. Why do you care?

He’s probably focusing on the money side of it because he’s got 4 kids himself and knows how bloody expensive it is. He’s projecting his opinions onto you in an unhelpful way. It doesn’t mean you need to care about it.

Get married though. Better financial protection all round if you have children together.

@MNmonster

You might not rely on them, but what do your parents rely on you for? So far, I've read free childcare and help with your mum's business. Do they ask you for money or anything else?

No they don’t ask for money xx

Yeah this is a bit odd...
I have a really close relationship with my parebts and my mum and have discussed me and dh having more children, she's my soundboard and offers up her opinion, it's not a lack of maturity from me, but I understand why othe commentors have voiced that concern with op.

None of their business at all! You do what you feel is best for your family. Don’t discuss it with them till you are pregnant. Good luck!