Parents don’t think I should have another baby

[Mummy940908]

My fiancé and I want to try for another baby. We have a 5year old and 2 year old twins. Only issue is my parents seem to think we shouldn’t have any more especially my dad. and they just kick off about it without anyone even mentioning it. I can’t do right for doing wrong when it comes to my parents. If it was my younger sister 16,it’s a different story and the best thing ever. Any advice on how to tell them we are pregnant when the time comes would be appreciated or what you would do in this situation as it’s really not helping my anxiety. I want to add we also DONT rely on them for childcare or financial purposes EITHER. If anything it’s my mum relying on me for babysitting my 2 youngest sisters 8,9.

My ILs said the same about not being able to afford it when I had my 5th (also after twins) We'd never ever asked them for any money, they'd never given us any, they bought the kids birthday and Christmas presents and that was it. So I'm not sure how they couldn't afford it. And I'm sure if my husbands sibling had had a second instead of us having another they wouldn't have said anything.

Therefore as they didn't provide for us we ignored them completely.

And so should you.

It’s not their body, or their life, or their responsibility.

None of their business how many children you choose to have to be honest. Why would your even let this bother you?

Jamie Oliver's wife is trying for her sixth

I’m sure they’ll al be be very comfortable in their massive house with their staff and millions in the bank 🏦
Most people would find it hard going!

The only way to deal with things, is to tell parents to keep their views to themselves . If you get pregnant again, they will soon notice, and they should be happy for you, if this is what you have planned.

Hmm, there must be a reason he's saying that. I've heard it from other people, parents saying don't have anymore kids, its usually because they're not coping with the ones they've got.
Have you ever had a job, does your partner work?
3 kids is enough for anyone TBH.

3 dc including 2 year old twins and you want another! Are you mad? Why not go all out and get a puppy too!

Seriously though, obviously it is your decision (and your dp) and nothing to do with your parents.

Having said that, the jump from 3 to 4 dc includes added problems like needing a bigger car etc, not to mention the fact that it could be twins again!

And also would you be able to afford childcare for that many dc at the same time? And holiday clubs when their older if you have to work? (Our dcs are costing us a fortune in holiday clubs at the moment and we only have 3!).

#they’re older

I wonder if the more kids you have, the less inheritance your golden child sister's will get.

He could be coming from a place of love and concern for you all. Three children including twins is a lot for anyone to deal with and ensure that their and the child's needs are met.

Maybe he genuinely thinks that you would be stretching yourself too thin

@Dillydollydingdong

You aren't being U to want another baby. If that's what you want. Jamie Oliver's wife is trying for her sixth. BUT aren't there enough people in the world already?

Does she have no other interests in life other than having/raising children?

Might they be putting money into savings for each of the grandkids or something like that? Or feel obliged to give money for birthdays that they can't really afford because that's what they did for the other kids? Personally with the lack of housing in the UK and over population of the world I wouldn't be having four kids, but why not ask them why they don't think you should have a fourth and talk more about the birthday situation if that is the issue.

Well your parents probably wonder why the hell you want 4 children.

Do you not think there are enough people in the world already? You already have 3 which is quite a lot.

If you were my daughter I would think you were completely mad and selfish

Too many people here already. Quit at three, you're luckier than most.

U do u Hun
Maybe yr next Bubz will be twins too!

Hmm, there must be a reason he's saying that. I've heard it from other people, parents saying don't have anymore kids, its usually because they're not coping with the ones they've got.

It might be but in my case it sure as fuck wasn't.

It was GP age not ours and their friends not being GP yet, what age gap they had/ number of children they had therefore we should do same/ other people being pg at same time and taking limelight from them - All GC tuning up in similar time frame - not just down to us - fears about being asked for money and help despite there being no prior form of this or of it ever likley to happen. Little to nothing to do with our actual situation.

So, not only it is none of their business, but they are actually reliant on you doing them favours? I think you need to realize where the power balance lies, and then make them realize it too.

@GreyhoundG1rl

Your Dad says he can't afford your children? That's odd!

Not really odd.

Grandparents still buy for their grandchildren(birthday, Christmas, Easter, day trips out etc) maybe he feels he genuinely can't afford to treat a fourth grandchild in the same way he treats the current 3 grandchildren.

The OP may not live, use them for babysitting or borrow money from them, but that doesn't mea grandparents don't give money (in way of gifts etc) to the OP and her children

If they rely on you for babysitting your younger siblings, that explains their position. If you have another baby, the current arrangement will stop and they'll be inconvenienced. They're being nasty.

If you don't rely on them it's none of their business.

GreyhoundG1rl
"Your Dad says he can't afford your children? That's odd!"

Maybe he means You can't afford them.

Can you?

Whilst uncomfortable to mention, it is worth considering given how expensive Teens are these days.

They will grow older and require more funding.

Just something for you to think about before you proceed.

Your decision.

You say you have young siblings. Could it be their discomfort at being seen as too old to have young children and they’re projecting it on you? I’m also 27, and pregnant with my second baby. My dads youngest child has just turned 1 and I can tell he feels really weird and uncomfortable about being a dad to a baby and also having grandchildren at the same time.
It’s tough shit though, it’s not our fault they decided to have kids in older age.
If you want another baby go for it but don’t feel the need to discuss it with them.