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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is really bad form?

229 replies

Window1 · 18/08/2021 15:20

My friend has gone abroad for a long weekend with a group of other friends.

The hosting accommodation had offered them a few extra days at a reduced cost due to last minute availability.

My friend is the only one that cannot afford to do this both in time and money.

All the others are talking about how they are all up for staying on, seemingly only concerned with themselves and not any regard for my friend and the fact that her transport is with them so would have to make entirely new and additional cost arrangements to get home alone.

That's bad form isn't it? I would have expected an all for one type situation where either they all stay, or they all go.

OP posts:
JanisJ · 18/08/2021 15:25

Are they driving back to England? Presumably she has plane tickets?

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/08/2021 15:26

It is bad form. Can she raise it with them?

Original poster
Window1 · 18/08/2021 15:27

Driving in two cars.

OP posts:
Original poster
Window1 · 18/08/2021 15:28

She does not drive.

OP posts:
milian · 18/08/2021 15:28

If it was in the UK I would say they are not being unreasonable, but given its abroad then yes they are being unfair.

NotYourCupOfTea · 18/08/2021 15:29

Hmm well I guess on the flip side why should they miss out because of your friend you?
If transport is all together she can ask them to take and drop her off surely)

Original poster
Window1 · 18/08/2021 15:31

@NotYourCupOfTea

Hmm well I guess on the flip side why should they miss out because of your friend you? If transport is all together she can ask them to take and drop her off surely)
It's at least a three hour drive the other side and the transport back does not accept foot passengers.
OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 18/08/2021 15:32

I’m confused. They are already there but it’s Wednesday… how is that a long weekend and not just a holiday…

Misses the point

DelphineMarineaux · 18/08/2021 15:33

@Window1

My friend has gone abroad for a long weekend with a group of other friends.

The hosting accommodation had offered them a few extra days at a reduced cost due to last minute availability.

My friend is the only one that cannot afford to do this both in time and money.

All the others are talking about how they are all up for staying on, seemingly only concerned with themselves and not any regard for my friend and the fact that her transport is with them so would have to make entirely new and additional cost arrangements to get home alone.

That's bad form isn't it? I would have expected an all for one type situation where either they all stay, or they all go.

It is bad form, yes, but I also don't understand why people travel with no extra money on them in case of emergencies or unexpected situations. If you can just barely afford to travel and rely a lot on others to make your travel plans happen, I wouldn't say you can actually afford to travel.

But yes, bad form to arrange something with your friends and then drastically changing those plans without everyone having been sorted out.

SalmonEile · 18/08/2021 15:34

Has your friend raised this with the group?
Do they know she can’t afford to stay and can’t get back?
What are they proposing she do ?

judgejudyrocks · 18/08/2021 15:34

Nah, she's an adult, she can catch a train presumably? You can't expect everyone else to turn this offer down just because she doesn't drive!

AlmostSummer21 · 18/08/2021 15:34

How many in the group?

Is it a case of her not wanting to stay longer, or having to get back for work/kids?

JanisJ · 18/08/2021 15:34

Can she not fly back? Is there no other way of getting home?

I assume you mean that they went on a ferry?

flowery · 18/08/2021 15:35

Assuming she has told them she is unable to stay, how are they proposing she gets home?

Original poster
Window1 · 18/08/2021 15:35

@JanisJ

Can she not fly back? Is there no other way of getting home?

I assume you mean that they went on a ferry?

Could fly but again, extra cost, travel to airport and being ditched my mates.
OP posts:
SilverTimpani · 18/08/2021 15:35

It is bad form. It’s not like she would just be flying home on her own - she is entirely dependent on them to get back, and presumably it will cost her a lot to make alternative arrangements?

Her friends should stick to the agreed plan and not leave her in the lurch, it’s not decent to do otherwise.

Original poster
Window1 · 18/08/2021 15:36

@AlmostSummer21

How many in the group?

Is it a case of her not wanting to stay longer, or having to get back for work/kids?

Funds and work commitments
OP posts:
DysmalRadius · 18/08/2021 15:36

Has your friend actually said that she cannot stay? Or is she hoping someone will ask her directly?

I can see both sides - she is asking an entire group to miss out on an extra few days' break, but they seem not to have considered her in their plans.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/08/2021 15:36

Was she kicking in extra for petrol if she doesn't drive? Or something else?

JanisJ · 18/08/2021 15:37

I think if I was her I wouldn't want to be the reason that my friends couldn't stay on, I'd be looking to find another way home voluntarily.

Original poster
Window1 · 18/08/2021 15:37

@DysmalRadius

Has your friend actually said that she cannot stay? Or is she hoping someone will ask her directly?

I can see both sides - she is asking an entire group to miss out on an extra few days' break, but they seem not to have considered her in their plans.

They know that she cannot stay.
OP posts:
RaspberryThief · 18/08/2021 15:38

I think your friend will need to be honest that she can't afford it/has commitments she has to get back for. They're just discussing, and probably have no idea she can't stay if she doesn't make it clear. Maybe they can either absorb her share of the cost if she can figure out a way to stay on, or help her plan alternative transport home if she can't take the time off.

Thesearmsofmine · 18/08/2021 15:38

Has she been upfront and.clear in saying that she cannot afford to stay?

RaspberryThief · 18/08/2021 15:39

X post. What do they suggest she should do transport wise then?

ChainJane · 18/08/2021 15:39

She shouldn't have travelled abroad without some spare cash. You never know what might happen that causes you to need a bit of extra money.

It's unfortunate for her but it would be more unfair if all the other people got screwed over to make it more convenient for one.

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