Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is really bad form?

229 replies

Window1 · 18/08/2021 15:20

My friend has gone abroad for a long weekend with a group of other friends.

The hosting accommodation had offered them a few extra days at a reduced cost due to last minute availability.

My friend is the only one that cannot afford to do this both in time and money.

All the others are talking about how they are all up for staying on, seemingly only concerned with themselves and not any regard for my friend and the fact that her transport is with them so would have to make entirely new and additional cost arrangements to get home alone.

That's bad form isn't it? I would have expected an all for one type situation where either they all stay, or they all go.

OP posts:
NoWordForFluffy · 18/08/2021 23:04

@Window1

One car is coming back and one car will be staying on.
Do you mean it's now resolved?
Original poster
Window1 · 18/08/2021 23:11

Yes matter resolved as one car has decided to travel back.

OP posts:
SpiralHecate · 18/08/2021 23:12

YANBU

These sound like crummy friends. I wouldn't ditch a friend abroad just because they couldn't afford a spontaneous change of plan. The very least they could do is make sure she gets home all right.

SpiralHecate · 18/08/2021 23:14

Good, glad it got sorted.

I've been in similar situations, it can get bloody awkward if it's not handled right.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 18/08/2021 23:20

It sounds like stuff was being discussed rather than decided when this thread started...

MiddleClassProblem · 19/08/2021 00:07

I still don’t understand how it’s a long weekend rather than any other type of holiday when in a Wednesday and they are already there…

Original poster
Window1 · 19/08/2021 00:11

@MiddleClassProblem

I still don’t understand how it’s a long weekend rather than any other type of holiday when in a Wednesday and they are already there…
It wasn't a full week so I just called it a long weekend.
OP posts:
Brefugee · 19/08/2021 06:55

What’s the issue then?

i would guess that since there are about 7 hours between the OP and that update, they have come to an agreement which doesn't shaft the friend who needs to get back to work?

notoldjustpastyoung · 19/08/2021 17:42

Perhaps she should weigh up the difference between paying for the extra days and that of making new arrangements to get home, trains are quite expensive. She might be surprised of how little difference there is.

Hellsbells35 · 19/08/2021 17:44

I would have thought best if ppl want to stay, they chip in to pay the extra to help her get home solo.

LimeRedBanana · 19/08/2021 17:53

@Window1

Yes matter resolved as one car has decided to travel back.
So there are a group of people coming back to transport your friend, even though they’d have rather stayed on?
Gwenhwyfar · 19/08/2021 17:58

@judgejudyrocks

Nah, she's an adult, she can catch a train presumably? You can't expect everyone else to turn this offer down just because she doesn't drive!
Well not everywhere has a train! Or even a bus! If there is a public transport option, is it affordable given that the friend was supposed to be sharing a car? I don't blame the others for wanting to stay, but they should help the friend with the cost of getting back by herself.
Yogalola · 19/08/2021 17:59

Your friend needs to speak up for herself. Can’t believe the group are not considering everyone in their extended plans, sounds very unfair if they’ve agreed x number of days and then want to extend not everyone has a sympathetic boss or the finances.

Mumontour85 · 19/08/2021 18:01

So, she's either spending the extra money getting a flight home, or misses a few days at work and spends the money on a few extra holiday days?

We've only got part of the story - you haven't actually said whether your friend has told the group her position and options and what their opinions on the situation are, so it is difficult to judge properly. If I were in the group I'd try and convince the friend to pull a sickie at work and stay, I'd even offer to pay towards the extra few days. If she really couldn't stay, I'd be helping find an alternative route home. I'm not sure that it's fair of your friend to make everyone else go home...
If they don't give a shit then I'd walk out the house, find a way home and never speak to then again. Who needs enemies with friends like that!

grapewine · 19/08/2021 18:06

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

I actually dont think it is bad form. I think it'd be bad form if they'd all been made to give up the opportunity because of one person. She'll have to use public transport and get herself home - like a capable adult.
Absolutely.
grapewine · 19/08/2021 18:08

So there are a group of people coming back to transport your friend, even though they’d have rather stayed on?

If that's the case, I'd be pissed off in their place.

Original poster
Window1 · 19/08/2021 18:17

This has been resolved. One car returning home. A few were desperate to stay, mind made up immediately and they will stay. A few got a bit carried away with the thought of staying longer but once properly considered, decided whilst it would have been nice, it would be better for them to return as planned.

OP posts:
Roxy69 · 19/08/2021 18:19

Well I think it's unreasonable that she can scupper their plans for an extended stay. Sorry, but she should have thought about emergencies in advance and had a bit more cash put aside. Life can be tough but at least she has had some time away

Howshouldibehave · 19/08/2021 18:19

@Window1

This has been resolved. One car returning home. A few were desperate to stay, mind made up immediately and they will stay. A few got a bit carried away with the thought of staying longer but once properly considered, decided whilst it would have been nice, it would be better for them to return as planned.
I’m still confused by how this was a long weekend? Surely if the extension hadn’t happened, it would have meant they were coming home Monday?!
Original poster
Window1 · 19/08/2021 18:20

I’m still confused by how this was a long weekend? Surely if the extension hadn’t happened, it would have meant they were coming home Monday?!

It wasn't a full week so I just called it a long weekend.

OP posts:
LimeRedBanana · 19/08/2021 18:20

‘Long weekend’ just means not a full week, it’s not really worth fixating on, it’s not the point of the discussion.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/08/2021 18:22

@LimeRedBanana

‘Long weekend’ just means not a full week, it’s not really worth fixating on, it’s not the point of the discussion.
no, it's a weekend with some day tacked on eg Thursday to Tuesday. Monday to Thursday is not a full week, but would not be a long weekend. I know it's not the point, but I wanted to contribute!
Gwenhwyfar · 19/08/2021 18:24

@grapewine

So there are a group of people coming back to transport your friend, even though they’d have rather stayed on?

If that's the case, I'd be pissed off in their place.

It was the original agreement though, wasn't it? I don't think they can be pissed off really.
Bellringer · 19/08/2021 18:25

Storm in a teacup, not even your teacup

Original poster
Window1 · 19/08/2021 18:25

I realise I probably should have said something like .... away from Sunday to Thursday, maybe even specific dates and transport times with distance to nearest transport included Wink

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread