To think this is really bad form?

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My friend has gone abroad for a long weekend with a group of other friends.

The hosting accommodation had offered them a few extra days at a reduced cost due to last minute availability.

My friend is the only one that cannot afford to do this both in time and money.

All the others are talking about how they are all up for staying on, seemingly only concerned with themselves and not any regard for my friend and the fact that her transport is with them so would have to make entirely new and additional cost arrangements to get home alone.

That's bad form isn't it? I would have expected an all for one type situation where either they all stay, or they all go.

If it was my group I would suggest we would chip in for a ticket and drive the friend to the airport. If I was the friend I would of course be bit down about not being able to stay, but as long as I am not fully ditched I wouldn't expect people to go just because of me. If I was just told to get on with it and sort myself out by myself, I would not be happy...

@RaspberryThief

X post. What do they suggest she should do transport wise then?

They haven't suggested any alternative.

If your friend was getting a lift from the others in the group has she agreed payment for this? It was she counting on free transport? If so, maybe the drivers are annoyed at no payment for their time/effort/expenses

They know that she cannot stay

But you havent answered if she has told them, this looks like them just assuming they know. She needs to be honest and upfront.

Tbh Id not want to be the friend who made everyone else miss out so id make alternative plans to get home. I know you say she cant afford to, but she must have something extra for emergencies?

I think it's really off.
Even if one other was also returning it would be slightly better.
Assuming she's already chucked in the car kitty she should make sure to get her share back.

Has she told them she can't afford to stay and that she can't afford to travel home?

It's bad form but she's just going to have to borrow the money to do one or the other.

At a minimum, they need to drive her to the airport and reimburse any return journey petrol/ferry costs she may have paid in advance.

I do think it’s bad form. They had all made joint plans and your friend isn’t the one changing them. In that situation, I’d be disappointed to not stay longer, but I’d honour the agreement.

It’s Wednesday today; when was the long weekend supposed to end?

Can they not drive her to an airport?

No that's out of order. They cannot expect her to just find extra funds to get herself home. If they perhaps would like to find out the cost and chip in to pay for her, that might be acceptable. You ca'tn just change the plans like that on someone it's not fair at all.

@ChainJane

She shouldn't have travelled abroad without some spare cash. You never know what might happen that causes you to need a bit of extra money.

It's unfortunate for her but it would be more unfair if all the other people got screwed over to make it more convenient for one.

I don't agree with this at all!

She had the time and money to see out the original plan - how should she suddenly have access to extra money for a longer stay (+ more spends, presumably - eating out etc) and also more days off work?

My work would not be happy at all about me unilaterally extending my time off! I'd also have budgeted for the time away NOT for extra days, no matter how cheap.

OP - it is bad form. But your friend needs to speak up

Hmm. Has she said "no, I can't afford it - nor can I take the extra holiday" or just....I don't want to.

I mean they shouldn't miss out because of one person, but they should help her get back. Has she paid a contribution to her travel?

Its a tricky one - as if she was the only driver, then they'd have to make arrangements to return later themselves, as non-drivers. Or if she wanted to stay and they didn't, then the general feeling would be she'd have to make her own way back.

So as the not-responsbile for transport person, I suppose it does fall down on her to make other arrangements if her non-choice is different from everyone else.

It's bad form to leave her in lurch unexpectedly, but it sounds like a last minute opportunity they've been presented at the same time, rather than suddenly announcing they're extending their stay out of the blue.

They should make sure she gets back safely and help fund if it's massively more than what her share of transport was.

Ideally they'd arrange transport to the airport and pay for her to get home.

How much extra is it to stay?

I mean it’s not great but if all the group wants to stay it’s unfair they can’t just for one person. As a side, who goes on holiday with no spare money…you never know what could happen!

*I don't agree with this at all!

She had the time and money to see out the original plan - how should she suddenly have access to extra money for a longer stay (+ more spends, presumably - eating out etc) and also more days off work?*

I think what the pp was getting at is not that she should have had extra funds to potentially extend her stay, but what if she had an accident and needed medical care (some countries operate a private system where youve to pay and claim it back), what if she had lost her bag one night or had it stolen? These are the contingencies you should budget for when away so you would expect her to have a bit of extra cash. To go away when you can only really afford what you can expect to spend is a bit silly IMO.

It’s not just about the cash it’s about work commitments. As a teacher I wouldn’t be able to suddenly stay longer than planned if I had school to go back to.

Has she told them she has no way of getting back and needs their help? Or just silently sat there fuming?

I actually dont think it is bad form. I think it'd be bad form if they'd all been made to give up the opportunity because of one person. She'll have to use public transport and get herself home - like a capable adult.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

I actually dont think it is bad form. I think it'd be bad form if they'd all been made to give up the opportunity because of one person. She'll have to use public transport and get herself home - like a capable adult.

I agree. If I couldn't stay I'd absolutely be looking to find my way home.

@LivinLaVidaLoki

*I don't agree with this at all!

She had the time and money to see out the original plan - how should she suddenly have access to extra money for a longer stay (+ more spends, presumably - eating out etc) and also more days off work?*

I think what the pp was getting at is not that she should have had extra funds to potentially extend her stay, but what if she had an accident and needed medical care (some countries operate a private system where youve to pay and claim it back), what if she had lost her bag one night or had it stolen? These are the contingencies you should budget for when away so you would expect her to have a bit of extra cash. To go away when you can only really afford what you can expect to spend is a bit silly IMO.

Well, sure, and maybe she has that fund. But no one wants to spend their emergency fund on getting ditched by their friends. When she says she can’t afford it, maybe she means that it would mean dipping into funds that are not for holidays but for things going wrong.

YANBU! They'd no longer be friends if they left me in the lurch this way. You don't just change plans so drastically when it means one of your friends is put to extra expense and trouble. That's why we make plans, so we know what to expect and budget for.

The least they should do is rally round and help her find an alternative way home, and maybe pitch in to help cover the extra costs of getting home, since it was their decision that incurred the increased cost.

Where is she? surely there is a way of getting home without them.

Has she asked what she is supposed to do about getting home if they all stay and she can't? If they don't really give a shit about her situation I'd just get home any way I could and not be seeing any of them again. It's a shame she can't change her plans at the drop of a hat but very selfish of them not to consider her at all.

I’ve got a friend who is really down on her luck right now. Especially with money. She tries so hard

If I was there. I’d pay. No need to repay me. It’s a day. So can’t be much.

I think it’s horrific that they’ve done this to her.

And I’d tell them so in a shot!