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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is really bad form?

229 replies

Window1 · 18/08/2021 15:20

My friend has gone abroad for a long weekend with a group of other friends.

The hosting accommodation had offered them a few extra days at a reduced cost due to last minute availability.

My friend is the only one that cannot afford to do this both in time and money.

All the others are talking about how they are all up for staying on, seemingly only concerned with themselves and not any regard for my friend and the fact that her transport is with them so would have to make entirely new and additional cost arrangements to get home alone.

That's bad form isn't it? I would have expected an all for one type situation where either they all stay, or they all go.

OP posts:
minipie · 19/08/2021 22:43

Agree it’s not a good idea to go abroad in a mate’s car without enough money to get yourself back home if the lift falls through.

Also agree it’s bad form for the group not to chip in for this girl to get home another way, if they want to stay on.

Howshouldibehave · 19/08/2021 22:45

long weekend generally means tagging a Friday or Monday onto a weekend break.
The OP would have been better to describe it as a short week holiday so has not to confuse people

Yep-or just a holiday/few days away/mini-break.

It feels petty, but why go out of your way to use a description that is inaccurate when there are plenty of better ones!

Original poster
Window1 · 19/08/2021 22:47

@Howshouldibehave

*long weekend generally means tagging a Friday or Monday onto a weekend break. The OP would have been better to describe it as a short week holiday so has not to confuse people*

Yep-or just a holiday/few days away/mini-break.

It feels petty, but why go out of your way to use a description that is inaccurate when there are plenty of better ones!

It feels petty because it is petty.
Generally holidays are a long weekend or week. It wasn't a week so it was described as a long weekend. The point was they were supposed to be going for a short while and possibly would be staying on for longer than originally intended.
OP posts:
HalzTangz · 19/08/2021 22:47

Excuses.
Trains run to airports and from airports.
There were ways your friend could have returned

HalzTangz · 19/08/2021 22:48

@Window1

However, it's incredibly immature and irresponsible to agree to a holiday you can barely afford and head off in a car, assuming the driver will be able to get you back on time.

Now it's immature and irresponsible to arrange a car share. Wow. Just wow.

Ok let's switch the scenario. What if the driver got sick and was hospitalised. How would your friend get home?
TatianaBis · 19/08/2021 22:53

Accommodation offered, others talking about it. That's very clear to me that no final had been made.

But you invited judgement on a the non-finalised scenario nonetheless:

That's bad form isn't it? I would have expected an all for one type situation where either they all stay, or they all go.

In fact they agreed a compromise of half stay half leave, which isn’t bad form at all.

Original poster
Window1 · 19/08/2021 23:07

@TatianaBis

Accommodation offered, others talking about it. That's very clear to me that no final had been made.

But you invited judgement on a the non-finalised scenario nonetheless:

That's bad form isn't it? I would have expected an all for one type situation where either they all stay, or they all go.

In fact they agreed a compromise of half stay half leave, which isn’t bad form at all.

Agreed, the matter was resolved as I have now confirmed for the third time.
OP posts:
DreamTheMoors · 19/08/2021 23:10

@FortunesFave

And as for 'shouldn't travel without emergency funds' not everyone HAS that luxury! do you suggest they don't travel?
@FortunesFave

They’ve beaten that dead horse down to whiskers & horseshoes.
I’ve never in my life seen such such judgmental & self-righteous old biddies - they’re worse than my Nana’s unmarried sisters & their bridge club friends.
Great God Almighty you’d think that poor girl was an axe murderer.

DreamTheMoors · 19/08/2021 23:16

@Window1
I’m happy your friend will be coming home the same way she left - with the hope that all your friendships remain intact.
There were some very unnecessary & ugly comments here - I’m sorry. Civility and decency seem to have gone by the wayside on Mumsnet for awhile now, and we’re all the worse for it.
You take care of yourself. Daffodil

DreamTheMoors · 19/08/2021 23:20

@TatianaBis

😂
Oh, child…
whynotwhatknot · 19/08/2021 23:48

So people arrange a holiday all booked paid for and youre supposed to just re arrange work flights etc because the others want to stay on?

comedycentral · 19/08/2021 23:49

I wouldn't drop my friends like this in a million years. No way.

FortunesFave · 20/08/2021 00:26

@TatianaBis

Yes, but that's London. If you go to a cottage in the countryside in shared cars, you can't ask one of the people to just make their own way home. And no, I don't think she has to pay for her travel either. The agreement was to car share there and back.

The countryside doesn’t have buses and trains? Confused

If you need to go and they want to stay they give you a lift to the nearest transport.

Lol. Don't you get out and about much? No. Not all parts of 'the countryside' have buses and trains.
Ohbeeryme · 20/08/2021 03:45

Glad it’s resolved. Depending on where in the country your friend lives it could cost hundreds to get back. I wouldn’t assume everyone to be rolling in cash if they’re car sharing abroad. The arrangement would be beneficial to all. It is very shitty to ditch a friend because they can’t afford an unforeseen event, especially when you are the transport!

TatianaBis · 20/08/2021 09:31

Lol. Don't you get out and about much? No. Not all parts of 'the countryside' have buses and trains.

Yes that is correct. I have never been to the countryside, ever. I don’t have a house in the country. Thus I’m unaware that, as per the post you responded to, people can be given lifts to the nearest transport be that bus or train.

whynotwhatknot · 20/08/2021 11:01

But why should they be inconvienienced when the others are changing plans @tatianabis

QueenBee70 · 20/08/2021 13:58

@SilverTimpani

It is bad form. It’s not like she would just be flying home on her own - she is entirely dependent on them to get back, and presumably it will cost her a lot to make alternative arrangements?

Her friends should stick to the agreed plan and not leave her in the lurch, it’s not decent to do otherwise.

I totally agree. It’s really bad form . If they aren’t all able to stay then they shouldn’t leave any one of their party in the lurch financially or in terms of travel arrangements. If they do I’d suggest she needs to review what sort of people her so called friends are on return .
Backwaterjunction · 20/08/2021 14:40

There obviously going with the majority, she should go with the flow, a phone call to rearrange commitments or tell work things have changed blame covid, and people can always borrow money as you said it is a a discount

Bookloverjay · 20/08/2021 17:24

Some of the comments on here Shock
Some people don't want to learn to drive or can't for medical reasons.
OP glad it's been resolved

RightOnTheEdge · 20/08/2021 17:54

I'm amazed at how many posters on here think it would be OK to treat a friend like that.
I would never arrange to car share with any of my friends and then dump them like that when everything had been planned and tickets paid for. I wouldn't dream of letting them down like that.
I actually really like and appreciate my friends though.

I'm glad it got sorted out OP. She must be relieved to be on her way back.

Gwenhwyfar · 20/08/2021 22:50

"a phone call to rearrange commitments or tell work things have changed blame covid"

Really? Work can easily google to find out whether Covid means you can't leave the country or ask for the positive result to justify the time off.

Gwenhwyfar · 20/08/2021 22:53

@HalzTangz

Excuses. Trains run to airports and from airports. There were ways your friend could have returned
Not all airports have trains going to them. And in any case the trains usually go from big towns and cities and a person could be on holiday anywhere.
knit1purl1 · 21/08/2021 01:15

I really hope some of the people on this thread know each other irl. It would certainly be an insight into your friends' attitudes to hear them say "Nah this behaviour is absolutely fine"!

memberofthewedding · 21/08/2021 01:45

This is like a situation where I went to an out of town club with a group of work people and was dependent upon them for transport. Part way through the night I began to feel sick and had a headache. I wanted to come home but I could hardly expect my companions to abandon their night out for my sake. I went to queue to phone a taxi and by being enterprising asking around found someone (ahead in the queue) going in broadly my direction so we shared costs of a cab. Win win for all concerned.

Unexpected expenses are what credit cards are for.

nutellachops · 21/08/2021 16:10

Bad form indeed, why are they even considering it if they cannot all stay i mean you don't go in 2 cars & then say make your own way home we are staying.self individuals