All those saying not to be as firm with the girlfriend - have you missed that this isn't the first time she has overstepped and ignored the parents?
Many also seem to be ignoring the fact that op NEEDED to be told because of the aftercare involved to prevent infection, a 9 year old can't be relied on to do that sufficiently.
Re my mention of anaphylaxis - that actually comes from personal experience as it's what actually did happen to my sister when she had her ears pierced. Turned out she was allergic to whatever they had used to clean the gun. Mum and I were with her it was an emergency ambulance job. She is also allergic to penicillin and some other meds and this was pertinent to her treatment at the scene too. So it's not an exaggeration or impossible at all. I've seen it happen
@savannahnights I disagree. The fact the father wasn't told and the mother wasn't told and the child trying to hide them DOES suggest to me the girlfriend was trying to keep it a secret.
That goes against all safeguarding knowledge and is immature and irresponsible behaviour.
The parents needed to know in order to ensure correct and safe aftercare and so that they knew of a possible source of infection had the dd become ill.
Again the site of the infection doesn't necessarily give the strongest reaction.
I'm an ex nurse and while I mainly worked in elderly care I trained at a time when piercings other than ears were starting to become fashionable BUT where the youngsters having them often didn't tell their parents they'd had them. They'd be admitted to a&e with serious symptoms of very nasty infections (the industry was very poorly regulated at this point - I think people forget that back then, early 90's there were even people being infected with hepatitis and similar due to poor hygiene) and knowing the source/cause of an infection can make it much easier and quicker to identify what type of infection it is and treat it effectively and quickly.
I saw one young lady who'd been ignoring the signs of the infection her belly ring had caused and her mother had brought her in thinking she was pregnant! Because the child noticeably had stomach pains and a swollen abdomen but she had been refusing to see a dr. Eventually she became so ill she couldn't physically resist any more and her mother brought her in.
Kids do stupid shit like that. It's up to the adults around them, especially those in parental roles not only to not allow them as far as possible to do stupid, daft shit but not to bloody well encourage them AND encourage them to keep important secrets from their parents.
The consequences honestly don't bear thinking about and can have life long health ramifications.
Personally I'd ban piercing under 18's altogether it's totally unnecessary. Nobody would die as a result! Clip ons etc would become more popular possibly but it's perfectly possible to go through your childhood/teens without putting unnecessary holes/wounds in your body!
It certainly should be in the rest of the Uk as it is here in Scotland as has been mentioned that parental consent is required in person with proof.
But as others have said too, it's not just WHAT the specific act was it's the overstepping of a clear legal and societal boundary here too.
There are many wonderful nurturing and fun step parents who wouldn't dream of behaving this way.
This isn't the first time this woman has done so and that is why in my first post I said op needs to step up a notch in communicating with the girlfriend as she clearly either isn't listening to the dad or the dad is lying about speaking to her about her boundaries with his dd.
A letter from a solicitor needn't be harsh but it can be firm and official and could well be exactly the right step to get the girlfriend to just back off, and stop making major decisions for a child that isn't hers.