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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to decline a wedding invite

254 replies

BabyGohil · 16/08/2021 01:46

I need help
Been invited to a wedding which is 3 hours away from me, I have a little baby who will be 4 months by then….my husband and baby have not been invited….Im breast feeding and I don’t think I could leave him so far away for that long (I’ve only left him for About and hour or so with grand parents previously).
Thoughts on how to approach this?
I feel like a bad friend but then have anxiety about going and potentially distressing my child as it’s so far away.

OP posts:
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 16/08/2021 01:50

"Sorry we can't make it"

WaterIsBest · 16/08/2021 01:50

Hay

Congratulations on setting the date,
So exciting
Really sorry, But i wont be able to make it, its a 6 hour round trip and im still breastfeeding and his still only tiny, So couldnt leave him
Maybe we could meet up before or after
Hope you have a wonderful day

WaterIsBest · 16/08/2021 01:52

Other option if you really wanted to go

You book a hotel room near by, Husband and baby stay there, and you pop back, husband comes to you and you feed baby
Ofcourse, not ideal
Depends how much you want to go

ilovesooty · 16/08/2021 01:54

Just thank them for inviting you and decline politely or explain briefly if you feel it's necessary.

choli · 16/08/2021 01:55

Will not be attending. Is that so hard?

Babysienna · 16/08/2021 01:59

That’s great thank you!

Babysienna · 16/08/2021 02:01

Yes I did think of this but it means my hubby taking time off work plus the expense of a nearby hotel and just won’t be enjoyable with the worry of going back and forth

LagunaBubbles · 16/08/2021 02:04

Have you name changed OP? Confused

CornishGem1975 · 16/08/2021 02:26

Tick the box on fhe RSVP card/website or send a message "thanks for the invite, sorry I can't make it". Why does it need to be more complicated than that?

I'm getting married this year and honestly not questioning why anyone declines. It's an invite, not a summons.

Ragwort · 16/08/2021 03:54

'Thank you so much for the invitation, unfortunately I will not be able to attend but hope you have a lovely day'.

You do not have to give any details.

plodalong12 · 16/08/2021 04:00

Just say no. You don’t even have to verbally say it you can just tick the box on the invite. Why all the panic?

LimeRedBanana · 16/08/2021 04:02

If you haven’t even been invited with a + 1, they will not be surprised if/when you decline.

Really nothing to get worked up about.

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 16/08/2021 04:02

I have voted YABU purely because I am bit sure why you had to ask / surely you say you can't go because you have a small baby?!

Whilst you don't need to give a reason, I would do so.

Also what's with the name change fail? It looks like you may have given away your baby first name and surname.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/08/2021 04:07

Thoughts on how to approach this?

Gently, I fail to see how you are struggling with this. You'll have a 4 month old and you simply can't go due to the circumstances, distance, etc. That's it. "Sorry, won't be able to attend." This is not complicated.

UnsuitableHat · 16/08/2021 04:21

I’m sorry not to be able to make it, but I hope you have a wonderful day. And send a card/small gift?

Wineandroses3 · 16/08/2021 04:36

I think they’ve been pretty cheeky inviting u to a wedding an not a plus one so expecting you to go on your own - and they know you have a very young baby too? Just buy a sorry I cannot make it card that you can get from any card shop and send that. If they get in touch with you after just say baby is too young to be left , I wouldn’t loose a moments sleep over it x

PrincessNutella · 16/08/2021 04:57

It's not a big deal, just check no on the invite.

ShippingNews · 16/08/2021 05:03

You're one of many invitees - your letter of regret will not be seen in any bad light. They'll just tick off the "declined" box and move on. Don't stress about it at all.

Nancydrawn · 16/08/2021 05:07

@UnsuitableHat

I’m sorry not to be able to make it, but I hope you have a wonderful day. And send a card/small gift?
Exactly this. Decline graciously, wish them the best, and send a gift.
PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 16/08/2021 05:08

The convention is to thank them for the invitation, and say that you regret that you're unable to accept.

You honestly don't have to make an excuse — if you speak informally to your friend separately you can always say your baby is too little. Send a card so they have it on the day.

SamVimes6 · 16/08/2021 05:10

You were invited. Your newborn and husband were not. You wasn’t wanted anyways. Just tick the ‘sorry I can’t make it’ and wish them well.

Berthatydfil · 16/08/2021 05:25

To invite you without a plus one knowing you have a young baby screams that they have sent an invite strongly hoping you won’t attend but will send a very nice gift

PatchworkElmer · 16/08/2021 05:45

DH and I were invited to a wedding 4 hours away when DS was 6 months old. DS not invited. He wasn’t BF but I felt he was still way too young for us to leave him/ be that far away. So I declined and just said we weren’t able to leave the baby but hoped they had a lovely day.

The bride messaged and asked if we’d come if she invited baby! I said I completely understood that she wanted a child free wedding and there were no hard feelings at all, and we wouldn’t want to attend with baby when we knew that him being there wasn’t what the couple wanted. Hopefully I did the right thing. We sent them a card and gift voucher.

Penners99 · 16/08/2021 05:47

“Good god, no thanks”

Wiredforsound · 16/08/2021 06:04

“Thank you for the invitation to your wedding. I am unable to attend but hope you have a wonderful day.” As someone else upthread said, if they didn’t invite your +1 it’s unlikely they’re expecting you to accept anyway.