How to decline a wedding invite

[BabyGohil]

I need help
Been invited to a wedding which is 3 hours away from me, I have a little baby who will be 4 months by then….my husband and baby have not been invited….Im breast feeding and I don’t think I could leave him so far away for that long (I’ve only left him for About and hour or so with grand parents previously).
Thoughts on how to approach this?
I feel like a bad friend but then have anxiety about going and potentially distressing my child as it’s so far away.

I wouldn't say anything about having a young baby /breast feeding. Would you genuinely want to attend if your DP and baby was invited?

If you mention the baby and then they turn round and say 'of course you can bring DP and baby .... then you might find yourself morally obliged to accept.

I heard a conversation yesterday where someone was trying to invite someone to something (not a wedding) the invitee clearly didn't want to go & was making polite excuses but the other person kept trying to make different arrangements so that the invite would be accepted- ie; 'let's try another date', 'I'll pick you up so you can drive' etc etc. It was rather cringeworthy- if you really don't want to go, just give a polite but firm 'no thank you' with no excuses.

Go into a shop selling cards.
Buy one like this one - cardgallery.co.uk/collections/wedding-cards-aut/products/wedding-card-regret-floral-corners-gold-font?variant=39378228543650
Sign it.
Write their address on the envelope.
Stick a stamp on the envelope.
Pop it into the post box and forget about it.

They're no doubt expecting you to decline, & probably hoping you'll send a gift out of guilt.

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

"Sorry we can't make it"

Jut say this and, if you need to add to it, mention the breast feeding and not wanting to leave the baby.

how do you know the person?

Just politely decline. You don't have to give a reason. I often fall into the trap of over-explaining my reasons I can't do things and then I noticed that often others don't, and I don't think badly of them.

'Thanks so much for the lovely invitation. Unfortunately I won't be able to join you. I wish you the happiest of days'

I would send a card and poss a gift if you are close.

Congrats on your baby. The tie of BFing is hard at that age but I think to decline now you're doing the right thing for your family to cause the minimum of disruption.

Politely decline, they won't mind. And enjoy your baby cuddles rather than a stressful long journey. Maybe toast them on the day with your feet up x x

It's incredibly rude of them not to invite your DH. Even if they did, and it was a child free wedding you wouldn't be able to go - no reason about you can't go needs to be given. Just thank them for the invitation, say you regret you are unable to attend and that you hope they have a lovely day.

It's incredibly rude of them not to invite your DH

I think it depends. I have been to loads of weddings on my own of work colleagues because they don't know DH and there's a group of us from work so we go together.
DH wouldn't have wanted to go even if invited.

Just decline the invitation. Detailing reasons just, makes it sound like you’re making up fake excuses because you don’t want to go. If you really must put a reason, put something more neutral like you’re not free that weekend or you’re away or have visitors, etc.

They’re clearly not interested in your attendance, only your gift.

A polite ‘I’m sorry I can’t attend your wedding but thank you for inviting me’ should be adequate.

@Berthatydfil

To invite you without a plus one knowing you have a young baby screams that they have sent an invite strongly hoping you won’t attend but will send a very nice gift

^^ this. I think it’s rude to invite someone without their partner. They must know this makes it less likely you’ll come. Just a cynical attempt to get more presents imo. I would just send them a card.

Just send one of these. No extra words needed.

www.amazon.co.uk/Abacus-Wedding-Regret-Card-Butterflies/dp/B07R6MQ9Y8/ref=sr_1_5?hvlocphy=9045255&hvnetw=g&keywords=regret+card+wedding&hvadid=530670530599&qid=1629101111&dchild=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwmeiIBhA6EiwA-uaeFXaKNww9KBtcQGf3ohlsQv9QZ2CxME-iibfiwXa0GrniIM_XSLRWohoCVR0QAvD_BwE&hydadcr=22609_1723275&hvdev=c&hvqmt=e&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=kwd-1364361905930&adgrpid=121036393581&hvrand=2510804306570611144&sr=8-5

www.funkypigeon.com/card/rustic-romance-wedding-regret/127052/10?gclid=CjwKCAjwmeiIBhA6EiwA-uaeFfmGRB40Yqyd7SMSu7egoLBUjQegSP6HzyQ3Qds3sUlJHTPQpwIWnRoCYmAQAvD_BwE

In my book it’s not really an invitation if the conditions on it mean that you couldn’t attend even if you wanted to, inviting a breastfeeding mother or mother of a newborn without accommodating the baby to an event several hours away is a non-invitation, so I’d have no hesitation in simply RSVPing can’t attend without any explanation.

@CornishGem1975

Tick the box on fhe RSVP card/website or send a message "thanks for the invite, sorry I can't make it". Why does it need to be more complicated than that?

I'm getting married this year and honestly not questioning why anyone declines. It's an invite, not a summons.

Keep it simple like this post suggests. Going into long explanations isn't needed unless they come back and ask.

I’d decline tbh and if they cause a fuss they aren’t friends.

I’d happily attend a wedding on my own if friends were there and it was local. If I’m travelling 3 hours to one I’d expect to be able to make it a short break with my husband.

The correct way to decline a formal wedding invitation makes it very easy:

Mrs Tatiana Bis thanks Mr and Mrs Ponkypoo for the kind invitation to the marriage of their daughter, Eleanor, to Mr John Bobkin at St Cuthbert’s Solihull on Saturday 20th October at 3 o’clock and afterwards at the Regent’s Hotel, and regret that they are unable to accept.

I can understand the indecision a little but actually, some people don't 'get it' especially when it comes to their wedding. I've been made to feel like a really shitty friend because I've declined a hen weekend that would cost me two weeks' SMP when I will have an 8 ish week old as well. Needless to say I'm not invited to the wedding and I'm slowly distancing myself from that group of 'friends' as I'm not prepared to tolerate that shit.

I know its not the same as the OP but if her social circle is similarly thoughtless that might be why she is in a bit of a quandary. I couldn't give a toss what they think but again not everybody is as confident in their own decisions particularly as FTM.

If you name change after posting a thread your posts aren’t highlighted to readers, so the thread reads weirdly and confusingly.

^ Should say Mr and Mrs Clive Ponkypoo

Acceptable tl;dr version is -

Mrs Tatiana Bis regrets she is unable to accept the kind invitation of Mr and Mrs Clive Ponkypoo for Saturday, 20th of October at 3 o’clock.

Send a "Regret" card as PPs have said!

Do people not know about these anymore?

Errrr....you say " I won't be attending, Hope you have a great day".

Frankly I don't understand where the problem is. Your husband and baby have not been invited, baby is 4 months old and you are breastfeeding. It's just common sense.

Don’t send a regret card they’re incredibly naff.

I can't understand the issue personally, I was invited to a wedding this autumn, I'll be almost 8 months pregnant, so I just told them that I highly doubt I'd be up for a wedding at that stage but I hoped they had a nice day. That's it. They have asked me a few times more was I sure but I've just been firm and said I was sure .

@TatianaBis

Don’t send a regret card they’re incredibly naff.

Why? They serve a purpose, acceptance cards and with regret cards. Especially useful if you don't want to go into detail.