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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How to decline a wedding invite

254 replies

BabyGohil · 16/08/2021 01:46

I need help
Been invited to a wedding which is 3 hours away from me, I have a little baby who will be 4 months by then….my husband and baby have not been invited….Im breast feeding and I don’t think I could leave him so far away for that long (I’ve only left him for About and hour or so with grand parents previously).
Thoughts on how to approach this?
I feel like a bad friend but then have anxiety about going and potentially distressing my child as it’s so far away.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 16/08/2021 10:27

@TatianaBis

That was to *@Sparklingbrook not you @Lawnfever*

Never been sent a wedding invite with text or email. But then I’ve never been sent one with gold butterflies or verse either.

Yes I assumed that

The snorty cringing was a delight.

LawnFever · 16/08/2021 10:28

@TatianaBis

That was to *@Sparklingbrook not you @Lawnfever*

Never been sent a wedding invite with text or email. But then I’ve never been sent one with gold butterflies or verse either.

Pretty much every wedding invite I’ve had in years has had that option, but maybe my friends & family have been more interested in celebrating a wedding than studying Debrett’s

Sparklingbrook · 16/08/2021 10:29

Are you jealous you didn't get a snort though @LawnFever?

TatianaBis · 16/08/2021 10:32

I'm not sure snorting is very good etiquette either.

But you’re not fussed about etiquette, apparently. It’s a free for all with hearts/flowers/doves/baboons.

Sparklingbrook · 16/08/2021 10:34

@TatianaBis

I'm not sure snorting is very good etiquette either.

But you’re not fussed about etiquette, apparently. It’s a free for all with hearts/flowers/doves/baboons.

I have never said anything about hearts/flowers/doves. Baboons though?

Not sure where they fit in?

Are they snorting too?

Notaroadrunner · 16/08/2021 10:39

When I decline a wedding invite I send a wedding reply card - card shops would have them. That way you just add your name to it. You don't need to give an explanation at all. I have never given a reason and never been asked for one when they receive my decline card. Stop overthinking it.

Lalliella · 16/08/2021 10:41

@TatianaBis

I’m cringing for you, but that’s ok as you’re completely oblivious.

We’re all cringing for you @TatianaBis.

Baboons 😂😂

StarDrawers · 16/08/2021 10:43

@TatianaBis

The correct way to decline a formal wedding invitation makes it very easy:

Mrs Tatiana Bis thanks Mr and Mrs Ponkypoo for the kind invitation to the marriage of their daughter, Eleanor, to Mr John Bobkin at St Cuthbert’s Solihull on Saturday 20th October at 3 o’clock and afterwards at the Regent’s Hotel, and regret that they are unable to accept.

There's no need for all this. Why are you thanking the bride's parents in this day and age they are probably paying for it themselves. And they know where their own wedding is.

Just send a card.

PluggingAway · 16/08/2021 10:43

When I got married I received a few "decline". If it was someone close they usually followed up with a text or phonecall giving a reason and wishing me good luck for the big day.

My thoughts were usually something like this - "ah, that's a shame, it would have been lovely to see them. Oh well". Then I moved on with my day. I wasn't offended or angry. People agonise over declining wedding invites far too much!

Notaroadrunner · 16/08/2021 10:43

@TatianaBis

Whoever said anything about a text!

Wedding regret cards are super naff whatever you write on them.

The template formal refusals I posted above are all you need. They obviate the need for any explanation.

How are they naff? They serve the purpose they are intended for. You add your name and the card says the rest, therefore no need for any explanations.

TatianaBis · 16/08/2021 10:44

Poor Sparkling is all confused.

Sparklingbrook · 16/08/2021 10:45

@TatianaBis

Poor Sparkling is all confused.

I am. tell me about where the baboons fit in I need to know!

c24680 · 16/08/2021 10:48

Recently declined one for similar reasons, my baby is 4 months old, I basically said sorry I'm not coming but I'm not ready to be away from him for long amount of time and the risk of catching covid and having a baby at home gives me anxiety! They said thanks for your honesty and it's no problem, we'll catch up after the wedding.

So be honest, you might be surprised with their response!

EL8888 · 16/08/2021 10:48

@PluggingAway exactly, to me it doesn’t seem a massive drama. They invited you, you can’t attend and the RSVP reflects this

Weddings are not all about guests partners or children. Maybe their numbers and / or budget are limited. Maybe they don’t know partner. Maybe they want a child free wedding. It is their day after all and they are probably paying for it. Amused by the won’t go if partner and husband aren’t invited contingent. It’s not all about your partner or children

Yourstupidityexhaustsme · 16/08/2021 10:51

Hi X,

Just got your invite through. Massive congratulations, how exciting!

Hope everything is running smoothly for you.

I wanted to let you know in person, unfortunately I won't be able to make it. DS unfortunately cannot be left for that long. Cannot wait to catch up with you and see the pictures though.

Best of luck, have a fabulous day.

Baby Gohill.

TatianaBis · 16/08/2021 10:53

How are they naff?

This can’t be a serious question.

Sparklingbrook · 16/08/2021 10:58

@TatianaBis

How are they naff?

This can’t be a serious question.

Well the ones you have picked aren't my taste, but other, plainer ones are available, same as all cards really.

StarDrawers · 16/08/2021 11:00

@TatianaBis

How are they naff?

This can’t be a serious question.

It depends which one you choose obviously. Same with birthday cards and the invites in the first place.

Janaih · 16/08/2021 11:00

Just send a nice blank card with flowers or scenery on, saying thanks for the invitation, sorry I will not be able to attend. Hope you have a lovely day etc...

StarDrawers · 16/08/2021 11:01

I'd prefer a card than the long formal regret thanking my parents and reminding me when my own wedding was. I'd think someone was taking the piss if they sent that.

Sparklingbrook · 16/08/2021 11:02

@StarDrawers

I'd prefer a card than the long formal regret thanking my parents and reminding me when my own wedding was. I'd think someone was taking the piss if they sent that.

Me too, keep it simple.

Janaih · 16/08/2021 11:08

Yes no need for full formal wording unless it's a society wedding!

grapewine · 16/08/2021 11:14

@Berthatydfil

To invite you without a plus one knowing you have a young baby screams that they have sent an invite strongly hoping you won’t attend but will send a very nice gift

Absolutely this.

Don't struggle with this, OP. Send a message to say 'thank you for the invitation. Sadly, I will be unable to attend. I hope you have a wonderful day."

Then send a present, if you want.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 16/08/2021 11:14

I followed the links posted above. Have to say the 'Wedding Regret' card really made me chuckle. It looks as though you're sorry you married your spouse!

I agree with not giving lengthy explanations as to why you won't do something. In any case, the reason should be pretty obvious to anyone who thinks about it.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 16/08/2021 11:15

NB. I'd send a card wishing them a lovely life together but no gift.

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