How to decline a wedding invite

[BabyGohil]

I need help
Been invited to a wedding which is 3 hours away from me, I have a little baby who will be 4 months by then….my husband and baby have not been invited….Im breast feeding and I don’t think I could leave him so far away for that long (I’ve only left him for About and hour or so with grand parents previously).
Thoughts on how to approach this?
I feel like a bad friend but then have anxiety about going and potentially distressing my child as it’s so far away.

You can buy ‘regret’ cards to send. You only need to add your name to it. Just leave a little message at the bottom ‘will be thinking about on your special day and wishing you well’ type thing…

Zero expectation you should attend in your circumstances. Just a polite "sorry I can't join you, best wishes" is fine.

As a pp said, I really wonder if they were perhaps expecting a decline with a nice gift

I would not go to a wedding without a +1 invitation anyway. Just decline .

@Berthatydfil

To invite you without a plus one knowing you have a young baby screams that they have sent an invite strongly hoping you won’t attend but will send a very nice gift

Precisely

It’s so rude to do this, just invite your friend and not their partner/spouse. Fair enough if it’s a boyfriend/girlfriend of a couple of months standing, but not an actual relationship.

Sadly, fewer people are aware of or bothered by social etiquette these days, and you get so many more situations like this cropping up.

They are the ones who have not followed proper etiquette here OP, you honestly owe them nothing.

@Berthatydfil

To invite you without a plus one knowing you have a young baby screams that they have sent an invite strongly hoping you won’t attend but will send a very nice gift

This too

Please don't worry, an invitation can be declined without any detailed explanation, you just send apologies that you can not attend. You are not being a bad friend and it is entirely understandable tyou would not want to leave your young baby.

If people are struggling with numbers but want their actual friends there why can’t they invite guests without a plus one . I recently went to a wedding where there was a whole table of the bride’s friends without partners. I think the suggestion of your DH and baby staying nearby is good but if you don’t want to go just politely decline and send a card and gift .

Don’t worry about it, I am sure they are not expecting you to attend but have invited you out of politeness. Just confirm that you are unable to attend & wish them all the best for their special day.

You should not feel bad about not going. Just decline politely and do it now so you have given as much notice as possible.

It's pretty tacky to invite people without long term partners and I agree with PP that I doubt they are expecting you to come anyway

Politely decline and don’t give it a second thought! I would say something like, ‘Sorry I’m unable to attend. Hope you have a wonderful day!’. No need for explanations or discussion.

Just tick the box that says unable to attend.

Three hours away, a breastfed baby and you're the only one in the family who's been invited...I mean it gently, OP, but the couple are fully expecting you to decline.

Pick the simplest way of responding with the 'unable to attend' reply- include a picture in the email reply- and forget about it.

She invited a new mum who has to travel from long distance away to attend and neither invited your baby nor partner, she- is- expecting- you-to-decline or she doesn't care.

@BunnytheFriendlyDragon

I have voted YABU purely because I am bit sure why you had to ask / surely you say you can't go because you have a small baby?!

Whilst you don't need to give a reason, I would do so.

Also what's with the name change fail? It looks like you may have given away your baby first name and surname.

Me too, I'm now voting YABU on any way posts.

How do I decline a wedding invite?
You rsvp "won't be attending" if you want to say why do it, otherwise don't

Many years ago when we decided to have children, we took the decision that unless they were invited to anything, we wouldn’t go. Friends have had parties where there were children there, but ours weren’t invited, so we declined.

Odd and rude not to invite your husband too.

A simple ‘with regret’ card without long explanations will suffice.

Just let them know yu are not going. Why do you think they want an explanation? Do it really fast, so they can invite someone else

I agree with PPs. Just a with regret card with absolutely no explanation, it's not necessary to go into details as to why.

The traditional formal response is to reply using the language of the invite so:

BabyGohil thanks X and Y for the invitation to the wedding of Z and A at 3pm on 31 July in Incredibly Quaint Church and afterwards in Terribly Grand Country Hotel, Nowhereshire and regretfully declines.

Unless you are a current work colleague and a whole lot of your colleagues have also been invited then it's very bad form to invite only you and not your DH or nursing child. You can include an informal note saying 'sorry, breastfed 4 month old, can't attend'. It's normal for about 1/3 of wedding invites to be refused so I'm sure your friend won't be offended. Maybe suggest a meet up before or after the wedding. I suspect it's tradition to buy a gift but a half hearted invite like that I wouldn't bother.

Who actually only invites one part of a couple anyway? Just say, sorry, I'm BF I won't be able to make it.

You've hiring to feel bad about. Not inviting kids and husband this couple were clearly not that bothered about your attendance.

Just say sorry can't make it to

You don’t have to explain yourself, just tick the ‘sorry can’t attend’ box on the RSVP card and pop it back in the post, job done

Who's wedding is it?

Quite frankly anyone who would invite a new mother without her baby is not someone who particularly cares about you or wants you at their wedding.