Regret having children?

[PumpkinKlNG]

Is it ever ok to admit you regret having children? (Not to them of course) people say you never regret having a child but aibu to think that isn’t true?

I don’t regret it but I’ve found it extremely hard!

I also thought that the baby/toddler years were hard but having a teen with all the turmoil, who has had a vast amount of time off school for different reasons, I’m stressed to buggary!

So while I don’t regret I do often yearn for the carefree, child free days with only myself to worry about!

I have 3. 33, 17 and 16. I will never forget the utter exhaustion, drudgery and tedium of life with young children. They do grow up. It does get better. I have never ever wished I could turn the clock back and not have them. In fact I'm so glad I did.

This is an old thread I know but it’s interesting. MN really does provide a forum for people to express what they might not always be able to IRL.

I'm childless and wish I wasn't BUT I have seen sooo many of these threads that it's incredibly common to regret having kids and usually 50% people on these type of threads say yes they've felt like they regret having them at one point or another and 50% say that no, it's the best thing that ever happened to them. I bet most people alternate between 'I regret it' and 'they're my world' if they're honest!

Oh Zombie thread!

I don't regret it. But I'm glad I've only had one. I did not enjoy the baby and toddler years and don't want to do that again. DS is nearly 9 and he's great company now. I much prefer older children than babies and toddlers.

I don't regret having kids but I do regret not doing more before having them.
I miss the spontaneity of chucking some clean knickers in my handbag on a Friday morning and seeing where the weekend took me, now its a like herding stray cats just to get them in the car! Love them to bits though!

I miss the spontaneity of chucking some clean knickers in my handbag on a Friday morning

See this was never something that tempted me!

I don’t have children and for many many years hoped I would. I was even TTC which is what led me to MN originally … but when I read threads like these I guess I see another side. Even though most of my friends moan a lot about parenting, I still had this rose-tinted view of it … I’m starting to accept I won’t have them (I can’t) and I can put my energy elsewhere (like resurrecting zombie threads on MN )

Also, I’m always a little confused by ‘I love my children but I regret having them.’ I don’t doubt at all that that is how people feel and I believe it … I just can’t get my head around it. Maybe I thought the love would outweigh the regret? I don’t know … I guess it’s complicated

@the80sweregreat

People do not tell the truth about how hard it is. Simple as that.

I dont agree with this, I think there's plenty out there to say how hard it can be. I'm a pessimist and have found it easier and more rewarding than I expected because I'd read so much bad stuff.

@Porcupineintherough

I agree. If anything, it’s the other way around. Sometimes I feel like saying‘are there any positives to parenthood?’ to my friends.

@OfstedOffred well each to their own 😀

Sometimes it turned in to a good weekend and sometimes I was home by 7.30pm!

When we moved into our house I was chatting to our new neighbour over the fence. I think she was a bit drunk so was therefore very candid. She asked me if I had kids or if we wanted them. I said no, we didn't want children. She then said she wished she hadn't had hers but just did it because it was expected.

She ended up running off and leaving her husband a few months later so I don't think she was very happy anyway.

[quote Nouveaunew]@Porcupineintherough

I agree. If anything, it’s the other way around. Sometimes I feel like saying‘are there any positives to parenthood?’ to my friends.[/quote]
Whether you get told the positives or the negatives depends on where you’re coming from - it’s so bizarre and I’ve no idea why. So, I am childfree and before people know (they just know I don’t have kids) I get HORROR stories and ‘you’ll see when you have them’ then I say I don’t want them and I get ‘what? Why not?! You have to have kids it’s the best thing you’ll ever do’ etc.

Also, I’ll give one example but there are many similar, I used to work with a woman who was planning to have children, she was told she will regret it, pregnancy is awful, birth is like a horror film, no money, no time, relationship becomes a mess and more. The exact same people used tell me, who doesn’t want kids, it gives meaning to your life, you’ll be nothing without kids, you’ll never be truly happy, they’re the best thing I ever did etc.

Why? Why do the people who want kids get the horror stories and the ones who don’t get the fairytale?

I love my DC to bits. They were all planned. But, if I knew then what I now know ie the type of person I am now (my wants in life are different to what they were pre children) then I wouldn't have had them. Feel terrible saying that.

I regret who i had children with and am not sure how to ram that point home to my children without them thinking i regret 50% of their very being. I do think who a woman has children with is the single most important decision that affects her and the kids outcomes

@OfstedOffred

I miss the spontaneity of chucking some clean knickers in my handbag on a Friday morning

See this was never something that tempted me!

Omg yes ! This is me

I miss spontaneity, going to posh/adult only hotels, having to go to places which largely suit the DC, having to say no to invites if no baby sitter, not being able to go out loads (I could go out most nights but I don't as I don't want the DC to think of me as a part time mum or mum who was hardly there)

I do think who a woman has children with is the single most important decision that affects her and the kids outcomes

@Nothappyatwork
I agree that who you have kids with is an enormous decision but all anyone can do is make decisions based on how they felt at the time. Things do change and people do change too.

I wonder too if people who regret having children look only on the positives of being childfree … the same way I used to only look at the positives of having children when I wanted them badly… there are some negatives to being childfree and it can feel pretty isolating when the vast majority of your friends have them