Page 12 | Regret having children?

PumpkinKlNG · 2021-08-15T18:15:55+00:00

Is it ever ok to admit you regret having children? (Not to them of course) people say you never regret having a child but aibu to think that isn’t true?

gumball37 · 01/09/2021 14:08

Don't regret it at all. That said... I don't see why people can't say "this isn't for me" pre or post kids and be supported. Parenting can be really fucking hard. Kids can be absolutely awful. Society judges constantly. And you can do your absolute best as a parent and have a child grow up to be a menace to society.

SmallDragonfly · 01/09/2021 14:20

I don't regret it at all. I've had some moments that have been ridiculously hard. But I've enjoyed every second of it. Even adore having them all at home during the summer holidays which I know is weird.
I really feel for those who do have regrets, its not easy if you don't enjoy it. You're not alone. It does get easier as they get older and more independent.

HateJudgmentalPeople · 01/09/2021 14:25

I know a few women that couldn’t cope with one kid and yet they then have more, I will never understand these women, it’s like they are incapable of getting themselves contraception or telling a man and insisting that he wears a condom, stupidity springs to mind.

flashpaper · 01/09/2021 14:40

I regret having my children. I love them, but I absolutely hate being a parent. It's without a doubt the hardest thing I've ever done, completely relentless and without end and, if I could go back, I wouldn't do it at all.
I really feel for you, OP. I think it's much more common than you'd be led to believe and I don't think the shaming is helping anyone. I really don't think counselling is the magic cure that is pushed on here all the time either, and I say that as someone who has had many different types of counselling.

ViciousJackdaw · 01/09/2021 14:54

@Blahblah2muchinfo

Bit of a tangent but I'm confused why there are multiple people commenting who A. Don't have DC or SDC B. Claim to not want any DC/have never wanted any DC

Why are these people on Mumsnet? Am I missing something fundamental?

To answer the original question, I don't regret my DS at all. But I am happy to stop at one DC as I can see how I'd regret having more DC as it seems stressful and expensive.

BINGO!!!

LookAtMoiPloise · 01/09/2021 14:55

@Blahblah2muchinfo

Bit of a tangent but I'm confused why there are multiple people commenting who A. Don't have DC or SDC B. Claim to not want any DC/have never wanted any DC

Why are these people on Mumsnet? Am I missing something fundamental?

To answer the original question, I don't regret my DS at all. But I am happy to stop at one DC as I can see how I'd regret having more DC as it seems stressful and expensive.

Oh my life, surely not this again.

Bore off; stop trying to police who can use this forum.

Blahblah2muchinfo · 01/09/2021 15:11

Still confused by this! I don't use Formula 1 forums as I don't like cars or racing. I don't have a dog (or car) in the race.
Why do people who don't have or want kids use this site? Why not Reddit or something like that?

fuckoffImcounting · 01/09/2021 15:13

Parenting is fucking hard in the early years and no one can understand how hard until they are already in the thick of it and its too late. The bonus is that kids grow older and go through some lovely stages, and also interesting teenage stages. Most of them fly the nest and the lucky amongst us have a lovely relationship with our grownup DC, but by goodness, don't we deserve to.

EishetChayil · 01/09/2021 15:13

@Blahblah2muchinfo

Still confused by this! I don't use Formula 1 forums as I don't like cars or racing. I don't have a dog (or car) in the race. Why do people who don't have or want kids use this site? Why not Reddit or something like that?

Before I had DD, I came here for the feminism boards, as it allows far more freedom of debate and discussion than Reddit.

But there are plenty of other reasons non-parents come here. It's pretty closed minded and offensive to question why, IMHO.

Original poster

PumpkinKlNG · 01/09/2021 15:14

Unfortunately the getting older thing hasn’t worked in my case as my oldest to 10 so we are not talking toddlers/babies.

OP posts:

LookAtMoiPloise · 01/09/2021 15:16

@Blahblah2muchinfo

Still confused by this! I don't use Formula 1 forums as I don't like cars or racing. I don't have a dog (or car) in the race. Why do people who don't have or want kids use this site? Why not Reddit or something like that?

Why are you confused? Just mind your own business.

LookAtMoiPloise · 01/09/2021 15:17

It's pretty closed minded and offensive to question why, IMHO

Yep.

MorriseysGladioli · 01/09/2021 15:17

Choccyhobnob · 01/09/2021 15:17

Oh god I can't stand being a human climbing frame! I flinch when my DS comes near me when he's in an excitable mood as I know I'm about to get hurt.

Blahblah2muchinfo · 01/09/2021 15:19

Ok, I'm off to the F1 forum! They seem a lot jollier over there!

LookAtMoiPloise · 01/09/2021 15:21

@Blahblah2muchinfo

Ok, I'm off to the F1 forum! They seem a lot jollier over there!

Bye boo x

Classica · 01/09/2021 15:24

@Blahblah2muchinfo

Still confused by this! I don't use Formula 1 forums as I don't like cars or racing. I don't have a dog (or car) in the race. Why do people who don't have or want kids use this site? Why not Reddit or something like that?

'still confused'

Do you find yourself saying that a lot in life?

VulvaTeeth · 01/09/2021 15:24

@HateJudgmentalPeople

I know a few women that couldn’t cope with one kid and yet they then have more, I will never understand these women, it’s like they are incapable of getting themselves contraception or telling a man and insisting that he wears a condom, stupidity springs to mind.

Yep. Almost invariably, the people you'd least want to inflict on a child end up with several.

amusedbush · 01/09/2021 15:47

@Blahblah2muchinfo

Bit of a tangent but I'm confused why there are multiple people commenting who A. Don't have DC or SDC B. Claim to not want any DC/have never wanted any DC

Why are these people on Mumsnet? Am I missing something fundamental?

To answer the original question, I don't regret my DS at all. But I am happy to stop at one DC as I can see how I'd regret having more DC as it seems stressful and expensive.

Why am I on MN when I don't want kids?

I came for a hilarious post about a neighbour's wanking shed but I stayed for the parking threads.

IceLace100 · 01/09/2021 15:57

I think part of the problem is the way society treats parents and mothers in particular.

Would women regret having kids if their careers didn't suffer, if childcare was free or heavily subsidised, if they didn't have the pressure of being "perfect mother" 24/7, if they didn't feel bad asking for help, if there was zero judgment at the school gate, if careers were genuinely family friendly, if they weren't judged for being single parents, and if they got genuinely equal input from fathers with childcare?

EmpressWitchDoesntBurn · 01/09/2021 15:59

BINGO!!!

Somebody said it so I didn't have to!

Classica, the Mumsnet feminist boards are one of the biggest, most badass feminist forums in the WORLD. To the extent that there's a whole team of misogynists on Twitter who make it their business to monitor them and complain to MNHQ about posts they don't like. And that's what drew me here.

Although I'm also quite partial to a parking thread.

Classica · 01/09/2021 16:01

I wasn't questioning why anyone was here.

KidneyBeans · 01/09/2021 16:01

@Blahblah2muchinfo

Still confused by this! I don't use Formula 1 forums as I don't like cars or racing. I don't have a dog (or car) in the race. Why do people who don't have or want kids use this site? Why not Reddit or something like that?

Perhaps you should ask why MN has many many forums devoted to non-parental topics if you think it's only for parents.... perhaps there's a flaw in your understanding

mugcupwhatever · 01/09/2021 16:03

@IceLace100 I think you have a really good point there. The society in UK doesnt do much to help families. The fairly recent 30 hr free childcare barely scratches the surface when it comes to helping working parents. It really is time to put pressure on our politicians for a better work/life balance which of course includes family life..

rhowton · 01/09/2021 16:08

I have been brutally honest with my friends about how horrendous it is having (young) children. I have discussed how exhausting it is, how expensive it is, how much you have to give up.... They have all gone on to have kids. My friend recently had a baby and text me "I really thought you were just joking about how bad it is".

I have a supportive DH, I have a huge amount of free time to do hobbies and see friends. We earn great money. Kids are in bed for 6pm. But I still hugely regret my decision to have children.