Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 15 16

Original poster

AIBU to let 12 yo DD go out wearing these shorts?

378 replies

christyt114 · 15/08/2021 11:33

DH says I am.

DD (12) (but looks about 14) has these shorts which I got for her to exercise in but she says they're comfortable and likes them so wears them out and about.

Yesterday she wore them with a short top when she walked to meet her friend. They got a Costa then walked back to ours.

DH said she was "asking for trouble" because she was wearing the shorts and wants me to tell her she can't wear them out and about.

He reckons a paedophile will look at her and think "her parents don't care about her" and will abduct her.

(She made it home safely by the way).

Who's BU?

AIBU to let 12 yo DD go out wearing these shorts?

OP posts:

SuperSketchy · 15/08/2021 12:40

@sleepyhead

She should wear what she likes but they look like pants.

Why should she care that some middle aged random on the internet thinks she'd look ridiculous though. Crack on.

(I used to go out in what my dad called "a pelmet" back in the early 90s. I didn't care.)

This^

I think that outfit sounds ghastly. Nobody "asks for trouble" by wearing certain outfits and girls and women should be able to wear what they like without fear of some disgusting person abusing them. But, I know when I was a young'un and wore revealing things, I got more unwanted attention, in one form or another, than usual, so I tended to cover up. Still do actually.

Branleuse · 15/08/2021 12:40

Of course theyre comfy. Its like walking around in your pants. I wouldnt let my 12 year old wear these unless for exercise class or around the house. I dont think its a good look for going to town in unless it was under a skirt. I think denim or non lycra shorts would be better even if short.

The 'asking for trouble' is not exactly a nice progressive statement, but it will be what a lot of non progessive men will be thinking, and at 12, she wont have the experience to fend off unwanted attention, yet its the age where they start getting bombarded with it.

What we wear and the image we project to the world is a language that starts talking before we open our mouths, and that is not just about signalling sexual maturity etc but about all sorts of things, so no point pretending all outfits are neutral.
I wouldnt ban the shorts, but i think id talk to her about it.
I think its not as black and white as either A. Asking for trouble and slutty, or B. Clothes are all neutral

NattyDiamondDoll · 15/08/2021 12:41

I don't mean you make yourself a victim wearing skimpy clothes but rather that you may receive unwanted attention.

SmallPrawnEnergy · 15/08/2021 12:42

It’s irritating to imagine how these ‘shorts’ will quite literally be sitting inside my vagina.
If any of your clothing is literally sitting inside your vagina you either don’t know how to put clothing in if you’re shoving it inside yourself, you don’t know what the Vagina actually is or you are using literally hyperbolically. Either way you’re wrong.

Also, even if your clothing is riding up into your vulva that doesn’t mean it happens to everyone that wears that item of clothing.

There are plenty ways to say you don’t like the clothing but ridiculous statements like this aren’t it.

Cryalot2 · 15/08/2021 12:42

No one is asking for anything. But sadly there are creeps who prey on young people and those wearing skimpy clothes .
They seem like exercise shorts at best, though could be underwear. Wear only for an exercise class but not in costa or in public.

CutePanda · 15/08/2021 12:43

@spongedod Supermarket? Out for coffee? Totally fine. They are shorts. Just shorts.

They’re tighter and shorter than normal shorts. These are “booty shorts,” the type women wear to draw attention to their bum. They’re like very tight fitting boxer shorts (knickers). I only wear these when I’m exercising!

If OP’s DD wants comfort, then she could wear cycling shorts which are tight fitting but longer, with a normal tshirt (instead of a crop top). It sounds like OP sent her daughter out in underwear.

AlexaShutUp · 15/08/2021 12:43

No child is "asking for trouble" by wearing a particular outfit. It's disgusting that people still think like this, and you need to set your DH straight on that.

I wouldn't be terribly happy about a 12yo walking around in those clothes, but I accept that that's because I have internalised some of the misogyny that judges women and girls by what they wear. Rationally, I don't see why those shorts should be a problem. She is just a child and should be able to wear what the fuck she likes as long as she is comfortable. I hate that we have all been conditioned to judge this kind of thing.

sofuckit · 15/08/2021 12:43

Let's break this down...

It's the fashion sports industry that encourage our young girls to wear these. They are not encouraging young boys to wear tight shorts out. Why???

We are encouraging our young girls to show off their bodies and we know that it attracts the wrong kind of attention.

Funny that we don't have these chats about boys clothes...

I used to love going love going out in tight short skirts because of the attention I received.

Blanketpolicy · 15/08/2021 12:44

Wouldn't think twice if they were worn with a longer top like in the picture. But the shorts and a crop top together for a fashion look rather than for sport is not a good look, regardless of age.

AlexaShutUp · 15/08/2021 12:44

And I hate the fact that there are pervy men who eye up young girls, but the problem is with those men and not the girls themselves.

irresistibleoverwhelm · 15/08/2021 12:45

@ImFree2doasiwant

This is such a minefield. Women and girls should be able to wear whatever the hell they want without being bloody learned at or people thinking they're "asking for it". FML.

That said, I can understand why, at 12 but looking 14, your H might not want her to wear them. At that age I wasn't capable of dealing with the inevitable attention I might have got. God, its just bloody depressing.

This - I totally agree that women and girls should be able to wear what they want without fear of attention or assault. But those look very adult and are designed to show off the body of an adult woman, if they are worn not as sportswear. A 12 year old wearing them will look older than she is. With a long T-shirt they would be fine, but with a crop top I have to say I would worry about her attracting the kind of attention that is not great for a 12 year old.

stupiduser · 15/08/2021 12:46

Victim blaming at its finest. Your husbands attitude is the issue here not her shorts. My DD's wear them all the time, for sport and for leisure

liveforsummer · 15/08/2021 12:47

@dementedpixie

Obviously not in Scotland then! She would have frozen her tits off wearing that outfit yesterday

I'm in Scotland and my dc were both in shorts and vests yesterday. (In fact dd1 wears shorts all year round). Dd2 was still not wearing any more layers when she came in at 9pm.

They are shorter than your average cycling shorts OP but if my dc wanted to wear them I wouldn't stop them

Looubylou · 15/08/2021 12:47

Sticking up for DH here - I very much doubt he would actually blame your daughter if she was attacked or abducted - but he is aware of the unwanted attention girls and women do get, particularly when dressed as some men might unfortunately convince themselves in a provocative or attention grabbing way. As a loving and protective parent, he is then terrified of worst case scenarios. Very unfair to label him a dickhead. Unless there is more to tell if course. I think I'd allow it with long vest or t shirt. Mam and Dad need to educate her how to deal with and report unwanted attentions, as unfortunately it will happen - even when she is fully covered. God, what a world. Boys can't be assumed safe either.

EileenGC · 15/08/2021 12:47

@sofuckit

Let's break this down...

It's the fashion sports industry that encourage our young girls to wear these. They are not encouraging young boys to wear tight shorts out. Why???

We are encouraging our young girls to show off their bodies and we know that it attracts the wrong kind of attention.

Funny that we don't have these chats about boys clothes...

I used to love going love going out in tight short skirts because of the attention I received.

Exactly. To the PP that said I was trying to deflect, I wasn’t.

We wouldn’t be having this conversation about a boy, because society isn’t even offering boys the option to wear something so hypersexualised. It’s girls that get told by media, fashion industry, etc… that that’s what you wear as a girl.

Kinkybutkind · 15/08/2021 12:48

My daughter (and all her friends) wear exactly these shorts, in fact she wore them with a sweatshirt when we took the dog for a walk yesterday. She is 12 and very tall for her age (looks older) She sometimes pairs them with a cropped T-shirt or even a raceback sports bra and longer vest top. I much prefer them to her denim cutoffs.

She gets far more negative male attention in her school uniform and blazer than she does in her shorts and we reported one particular white van driver to the police as he followed her and a couple of friends home, crawling along beside them making lewd suggestions. She had the presence of mind to note reg number. The problem isn’t the shorts, it isn’t their age, the problem is male attitude towards women and girls. I couldn’t be married to someone who spoke that way about a 12 year old girl - or any woman, sorry!

BlackAlys · 15/08/2021 12:49

@spongedod

See such a fascination with tweens and their clothes on here just now

They are shorts. That's all.

Your husband is a prick. Get her away from that kind of influence. She is 12, she isn't asking for anything. He is playing the idea that women are responsible for the behaviour of men though and that's dangerous.

Agree wholeheartedly with this. His phrasing is fucking appalling and, date I say it, gives an insight into his opinion on girls.

That said, the problem isn't the outfit, but it's the attention from indecent men that she'll get, and a 12 year old doesn't have the emotional devices in place to deal with this unwanted attention.

My DD is the same age and wears these shorts for training but her friends wear them shopping. I've had to gently explain that they are figure hugging and stretchy to give ultimate training power and comfort) (she's an athlete) but the downside of that is that wearing them off-track gains the attention of a certain type of man.

I hated having that conversation but she gets it. Fucking hell. Men, sort your shit out.

MorganHunt · 15/08/2021 12:50

[quote JustFrustrated]@morganhunt

Did you post the wrong photo? Cause that's just shorts and t-shirts on the boys , and running lettings and t-shirts on the girls?

If that is the correct photo, the issue lies with you and I hope you're not passing such weird feelings about normal clothing on to your children....[/quote]
I think those legging are much too revealing and I would never wear them in that colour. Had they been black, I would not have a problem with them. Thank you for the run-through psychoanalysis but I stand by my reaction.

One of my concerns is actually that the mother of these children from the girl was a toddler put her in far too small and tight clothing while the boys were allowed to wear baggy shorts. I would have liked her to be allowed to wear the same clothing as the boys and just be a child, but some women are obsessed with presenting girls as teenagers when they are barely out of the crib. One of them being the former Kate Middleton who also consistently dresses her daughter differently from the boys.

But as girls grow up I know they have a say in what they want to wear and Isabella probably demanded those lavender tights. Still, that colour gets see through when you sweat and no child of mine, boy or girl, will ever wear them.

mog27 · 15/08/2021 12:50

My Dd has these and I teach her it's her body her choice. She's also smart enough to know that what she's wearing bears no impact on how much she's "asking for trouble" because the real problem is the predators that attack women and not what she's wearing.

This is where you need to step in and educate her and your husband that no one asks for it regardless of what they are wearing. Raise a confident young woman not one that feels suppressed by your husband's out of date attitude to life.

spongedod · 15/08/2021 12:50

Exactly. To the PP that said I was trying to deflect, I wasn’t.

You should have explained why you were asking them.

It's not the media and fashion industry alone. There are multiple posters on this thread doing exactly the same thing.

spongedod · 15/08/2021 12:51

The sexualising I mean. It's sick.

FreeSpirits · 15/08/2021 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

putthebinsout · 15/08/2021 12:53

Asking for trouble?! What an uneducated and idiotic comment.

The shorts are fine. Your husband is not.

IncessantNameChanger · 15/08/2021 12:54

Men are the route of the problem not the shorts.

However I have many teens out with their arse cheeks hanging out so theres a limit. I dont really want to see bare arses wobbling up and down the night street so do agree a bit with the pp who says outfits for their intended occasion.

I dont like seeing the lady in Asda last night in her Pjs and slippers who's arse of the Pjs was stained. But maybe I'm a snob 🤣

BumbleMug · 15/08/2021 12:54

@PurpleDaisies

“Asking for trouble”?

Urgh. I hope you corrected your “d”h that no woman is asking to be attacked because of their clothing. An absolutely disgusting attitude.

This!!! “Asking” to be assaulted ???!!!!!! I hope he never tells her that she was asking for anything bad that happens to her.

DD 15 and friends wear similar. Crop tops if very hot. Loose T-shirt’s if cooler.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 15 16

Swipe left for the next trending thread