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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to let 12 yo DD go out wearing these shorts?

378 replies

christyt114 · 15/08/2021 11:33

DH says I am.

DD (12) (but looks about 14) has these shorts which I got for her to exercise in but she says they're comfortable and likes them so wears them out and about.

Yesterday she wore them with a short top when she walked to meet her friend. They got a Costa then walked back to ours.

DH said she was "asking for trouble" because she was wearing the shorts and wants me to tell her she can't wear them out and about.

He reckons a paedophile will look at her and think "her parents don't care about her" and will abduct her.

(She made it home safely by the way).

Who's BU?

AIBU to let 12 yo DD go out wearing these shorts?
OP posts:
Bretoony · 16/08/2021 09:32

Let the girls wear what they want, it’s eMpOwErInG, screamed the women, seemingly unaware that skintight booty shorts and crop tops on young girls and women is exactly what men want to see hmm

The husband should be telling his male peers not to rape rather than victim blaming his daughter.

Hatethisplacetho · 16/08/2021 11:05

@Bretoony

Let the girls wear what they want, it’s eMpOwErInG, screamed the women, seemingly unaware that skintight booty shorts and crop tops on young girls and women is exactly what men want to see hmm

The husband should be telling his male peers not to rape rather than victim blaming his daughter.

In the real world that’s not an option. No ones husband has responsibility over other random men on the street. Back to reality people. My dad was an active feminist, I was still assaulted as a teenager by other men and boys. As PP have said - rape is the responsibility of the rapist. Facts are - if your daughter goes out looking scruffy, snooty people will treat her with disdain. If she goes out in figure hugging clothes, perverts will leer. Maybe they’ll make comments, maybe they’ll make an excuse to brush past her, maybe they’ll take photos. Yes it’s sad that girls have to find out the world isn’t safe. Head in the sand doesn’t change reality though. Yes it still happens in a sack. But all men pay more attention to women wearing less/skintight clothes. Your teenage daughters would probably be safer posting pictures of themselves in crop tops and shorts online, than walking the streets in them. I doubt you’d be yelling “let her wear what she wants” once your 12 yo starts posing on TikTok/insta like a sexed up 20-something influencer though.
Tuscancat · 16/08/2021 11:14

Exactly. They are not appropriate on ANYONE in Costa.
They are exercise shorts, for the gym or similar.
Stop trying to make this about policing what women wear it is not.

PurpleDaisies · 16/08/2021 11:21

@Tuscancat

Exactly. They are not appropriate on ANYONE in Costa. They are exercise shorts, for the gym or similar. Stop trying to make this about policing what women wear it is not.
How are you not policing what women are wearing by saying they shouldn’t be wearing exercise wear in Costa?
Bretoony · 16/08/2021 11:32

No ones husband has responsibility over other random men on the street.

Everyone's husband has responsibility, it's men that are rapists and men's responsibility to stop it.

Stop. Blaming. Women.

Brefugee · 16/08/2021 11:35

If she is wearing that with a crop top she looks like a prostitute

JFC - I bet your high-waisted judgy pants are hoiked right up, aren't they..

The dadithe OP is a knob. If he has a problem with the outfit he should be explaining why. Apparently he thinks men can't control their urges around outfits like that.

Perhaps we should all adopt the burka? Except: 1) they have gone up in price about 1000% just lately and are in short supply and b) women wearing them stoll get raped and murdered

tintodeverano2 · 16/08/2021 11:37

@PinkArt

'Asking for trouble' 👀 Your husband needs educating and fast that whatever a woman or girl wears does not make her remotely responsible for the actions of awful men. If something happened to her would he say she'd been asking for it?!
This.

Women and girls are not "asking for it". Men and boys should be able to control themselves, women are not to blame for their actions only they are.

Tuscancat · 16/08/2021 13:32

@PurpleDaisies I'm not sure how many times I need to repeat this for you, but I'll do it again...
We are not talking about exercise wear we are talking about a specific pair of shorts which look like underwear.

PurpleDaisies · 16/08/2021 14:05

[quote Tuscancat]@PurpleDaisies I'm not sure how many times I need to repeat this for you, but I'll do it again...
We are not talking about exercise wear we are talking about a specific pair of shorts which look like underwear.[/quote]
They are not underwear. They are shorts.
You are policing them wearing that particular pair of exercise shorts.

PurpleDaisies · 16/08/2021 14:09

@Tuscancat How about these shorts? Are these decent enough for you? Same length, no waistband. Impossible to mistake for pants.

AIBU to let 12 yo DD go out wearing these shorts?
Mummaminnie · 16/08/2021 14:14

My DD who is 17 wears these shorts to running club as do most of the girls in her squad. She would wear them out for a run too but wouldn't wear them casually.

Coogee · 16/08/2021 14:18

Exactly. They are not appropriate on ANYONE in Costa.
They are exercise shorts, for the gym or similar.

I get changed before I go to the gym and frequently combine the trip with going to the supermarket or other errands. I wear shorts similar to those and have never given it a second thought.

emuloc · 16/08/2021 14:22

Yabu.

EverdeRose · 16/08/2021 16:59

Your DH is a misogynist victim blaming arse.
If your daughter wanted to Costa in her bra pants she still wouldn't be 'asking for it'.

Did he say those words to her, nor only do you need to educate educate you need to stick up for women's rights in front of your daughter before they all but disappear.

WTF475878237NC · 16/08/2021 19:33

Wearing exercise wear before or after a class seems quite appropriate to me as it's normal to want to change at home but deliberately wearing exercise wear to go for a coffee and home again...my daughter wouldn't be allowed.

TheGumption · 16/08/2021 19:51

"Asking for trouble" doesn't sit well with me. Neither does the implication that she looks like a prostitute Confused
I wouldn't stop my daughter wearing them. They're not for me because I have thunder thighs and I would chafe Grin

LotusFlowers123 · 16/08/2021 19:54

Good God no! Why on earth does anyone find it acceptable to show so much flesh? Eurgh

pinkcircustop · 16/08/2021 19:56

She’s obviously not “asking for trouble” but those shorts are inappropriate for her age.

BooomShakeTheRoom · 16/08/2021 19:56

At 12, no I'd not be happy with these and a crop top. A jumper or long t shirt, fine. But not a crop top.

"Asking for trouble"? No. But attracting the wrong type of attention? Maybe. Unfortunately we live in a sexist society where women and girls ARE at risk of unwanted or inappropriate attention from men. That's just how it is and I don't think id want my child wearing that. And not to a coffee shop. To a friend's house, maybe but as parents it's our responsibility to teach kids what's appropriate for where and going around half naked at that age isn't really great imo unless at a beach etc.

tillytown · 16/08/2021 20:11

Asking for trouble? Wow. What did you do when you found out your husband would immediately blame your daughter if she was ever sexually assaulted or raped?

LilacPurpleNails · 16/08/2021 22:00

@LunaTheCat

Exercise wear is not usually worn for exercise around here! It is fine. Your daughter needs protecting from her Dad! Young women are not responsible for the behaviour of men. Maybe he is having difficulty with her growing up.? You and your husband need to have a discussion.
It’s disgusting that you think a dad is a predator for not wanting his underage dd going out in public in only a pair of skin tight boxers and a bra. Yes, he could’ve worded it better, but most people can see what he meant! There are pervs that will stare at this child in her underwear. It is different for GROWN WOMEN who have the confidence to ignore or confront pervs. You can’t judge children and grown women in the same way.
SofiaMichelle · 16/08/2021 22:25

I agree @LilacPurpleNails

It was a poor choice of words by her dad, but people are wilfully and deliberately making more of "asking for trouble" than they should.

Everyone knows it's a turn of phrase in itself. It's not in any way the same as "it's her own fault if she's assaulted" which is what's being implied by some.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 19/08/2021 19:55

@Coogee

Exactly. They are not appropriate on ANYONE in Costa. They are exercise shorts, for the gym or similar.

I get changed before I go to the gym and frequently combine the trip with going to the supermarket or other errands. I wear shorts similar to those and have never given it a second thought.

I agree.

It's actually amusing that a woman's choice of exercise wear can offend so much. Or is it just Costa where this occurs?

Lycra - Public Enemy Numero Uno Grin

Ericaequites · 19/08/2021 20:08

If you didn’t want her to wear the shorts out and about, put down firm boundaries. They are not appropriate for any purpose but underwear.

DancyNancy · 29/08/2021 23:10

In an ideal world we should be able to drive without seat belts because everyone would drive perfectly and respond to any situation perfectly and no one would ever crash. Seatbelts wouldn't even be a thing.

Unfortunately we don't live in an ideal world and we can keep challenging and campaigning for better driving/road conditions/no drinking....but I'm still going to wear my seat belt because all the campaigning in the world isn't gonna change that crashes happen and people speed and people drink and drive. I'm going to take extra safety precautions for myself because others take dangerous actions