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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to let 12 yo DD go out wearing these shorts?

378 replies

christyt114 · 15/08/2021 11:33

DH says I am.

DD (12) (but looks about 14) has these shorts which I got for her to exercise in but she says they're comfortable and likes them so wears them out and about.

Yesterday she wore them with a short top when she walked to meet her friend. They got a Costa then walked back to ours.

DH said she was "asking for trouble" because she was wearing the shorts and wants me to tell her she can't wear them out and about.

He reckons a paedophile will look at her and think "her parents don't care about her" and will abduct her.

(She made it home safely by the way).

Who's BU?

AIBU to let 12 yo DD go out wearing these shorts?
OP posts:
tootiredtobother · 15/08/2021 12:18

agree with all above who say they look like underwear.
its a sad fact that dressing so skimpily will attreact attention. has she been cat called when out and about, no mater what she was wearing ?
have you had a talk with her about how to handle such comments, would you encourage her to answer back and not be shamed or cowed by any verbal abuse she receives ?

would your husband have a considered talk with her about what men think when they see girls in revealing/ tight clothing (or indeed anything)
as a mother of a now 26 year old who has received unwanted attention from about the same age (in school uniform) we as parents have to help them cope and stand up to the patriarchy in all its forms

karasviper · 15/08/2021 12:19

@Oswin

What you wear has absolutely no connection to being sexually assaulted. My dd is 12. She wears this type of thing. It's very in fashion at the moment. She has also been sexually harassed by a grown man already. She was in her fucking school uniform at the time.
Yeah same my 13 yo has been harassed by older teens and grown men in her school uniform and wearing a fucking hoodie.

Incidentally she along with all her peers also just spent the last school year walking to/from school in a skort not much bigger than those shorts twice a week in all weathers as they had to arrive in and wear PE kit all day due to changing rooms not allowed because of covid/bubble system. I guess she’d have been asking for trouble if harassed warring the skort too would she?

OP you husband’s comment is disgusting.

Wheretobuy · 15/08/2021 12:19

@mistermagpie

The 'asking for trouble' comment is terrible but you know that by now.

However, I wouldnt be happy about my 12 year old wearing these 'out and about' at the gym or for exercise, fine, they are functional in the same way as a leotard or swimming costume would be. But I wouldn't want my 12 year old wearing either of those in Costa either. That's just how I feel about it.

I have lived in some really warm climates. Gym clothes there are loose fitting and ‘airy’. Very comfortable, nearly no smells, etc. Now, I only wear tight-fitting stuff for swimming.
RubyGoat · 15/08/2021 12:21

They look like sports wear. Wouldn't her bare legs & bum feel uncomfortable on the hard plastic seat?

Women in burqas are raped. Young children are raped. Some men are vile animals & many are perfectly decent. The clothes a woman is wearing shouldn't make a difference but sometimes they do. More often than not, to the minds of the people who would excuse the rapist.

Bertiebassetsbabe · 15/08/2021 12:24

I don’t like your dh comments, but no, I wouldn’t let my DD out wearing these.

spongedod · 15/08/2021 12:26

It is not a perfectly ordinary pair of shorts for going to the supermarket or a bank appointment. Same I wouldn’t wear my pyjamas to those, something that basically looks like underwear isn’t to be worn in all situations. My opinion.

They are not underwear though and no matter how many times people say they are or they look like it (none of my girls have ever owned underwear like this) it doesn't change the fact they are basic gym shorts.

I probably wouldn't wear them to to nano either but OP DD is 12 so she is hardly goi g for w mortgage application.

Supermarket? Out for coffee? Totally fine. They are shorts. Just shorts.

Anybody that thinks shorts are inappropriate clothing for a child has some serious issues to be looking into.

spongedod · 15/08/2021 12:27

Would not wear them to the BANK

C8H10N4O2 · 15/08/2021 12:27

DH said she was "asking for trouble" because she was wearing the shorts and wants me to tell her she can't wear them out and about

Why does he want you to tell her?

He is the one with the problem. Does he generally think women should shroud themselves or are to blame for attacks by men?

DumbestBlonde · 15/08/2021 12:29

I would not want my daughter (when sh was that age) to wear them unless for (or to/from) exercise..... Unfortunaately, there ARE perverts around, who do see women as targets - and the clothing choices MIGHT be a part of that.

But also, it's a bit like he stage make-up being worn daily - I just wonder how to upgrade for an evening out or special occasion? It's nice to change clothing/make-up depending on what you're doing.

Bellend101 · 15/08/2021 12:31

I think your H saying a young girl wearing shorts is "asking for trouble" is more than a little worrying.

JayDot500 · 15/08/2021 12:31

You lot confuse me. Walking around my town, many young girls wear those shorts where the butt cheeks drapes out. I am uncomfortable seeing that, and yet I want to support young girls feeling confident and positive about their bodies. Where are we going with this? I am interested to see where this 'where what you like' attitude will go.

spongedod · 15/08/2021 12:31

@DumbestBlonde

Unfortunaately, there ARE perverts around, who do see women as targets - and the clothing choices MIGHT be a part of that.

At least your user name is apt Hmm

EileenGC · 15/08/2021 12:31

@spongedod

It is not a perfectly ordinary pair of shorts for going to the supermarket or a bank appointment. Same I wouldn’t wear my pyjamas to those, something that basically looks like underwear isn’t to be worn in all situations. My opinion.

They are not underwear though and no matter how many times people say they are or they look like it (none of my girls have ever owned underwear like this) it doesn't change the fact they are basic gym shorts.

I probably wouldn't wear them to to nano either but OP DD is 12 so she is hardly goi g for w mortgage application.

Supermarket? Out for coffee? Totally fine. They are shorts. Just shorts.

Anybody that thinks shorts are inappropriate clothing for a child has some serious issues to be looking into.

Would you also allow your 12yo boy to go out in the exact same short, tight-fitting shorts?
CutePanda · 15/08/2021 12:32

I’d only wear them in the gym. Those type of shorts are for showing off your bum, unless you’re a competitive runner.

I think it’s inappropriate for a child to wear hot pants and a crop top out in public. Your DD has probably seen grown women wear them on Instagram and TikTok and is using the “they’re comfy” comment as an excuse to wear them everywhere.

EmergencyHydrangea · 15/08/2021 12:33

I'd leave my husband for that, that's disgusting. The kind of man who thinks women and girls ask for trouble is the kind of man who thinks its OK to give them "trouble"

MorganHunt · 15/08/2021 12:34

I live in Denmark at the mo. In 2019 one of the royal children (girl) was 12 and appeared in this:
I remember thinking: I would never let my daughter wear these at 12, but they did. I know the outfit is longer and it's a sports event but still sooo revealing...

My take on this is simple: I prefer not to see too much of anyone's body, male or female, but apparently times have changed. Your daughter, though, should not be made responsible for whatever creeps think of her. They should not control the world. And though leering is uncomfortable for young girls, I believe it is worse when a father makes his daughter responsible for whatever goes through a pervert's mind.

AIBU to let 12 yo DD go out wearing these shorts?
Plumtree391 · 15/08/2021 12:35

I think they look nice and they are obviously comfortable. It was warm here yesterday today too.

Your husband has got it wrong.

spongedod · 15/08/2021 12:35

Would you also allow your 12yo boy to go out in the exact same short, tight-fitting shorts?

Deflection. We are discussing OP 12 year old DD.

Lily78123 · 15/08/2021 12:35

I wouldn’t let my almost teen daughter wear anything like that, sorry OP.

Gilmorehill · 15/08/2021 12:35

Those shorts are practically a uniform for teenagers round here.

Dozer · 15/08/2021 12:36

Sports and ‘fashion’ shorts and t shirts marketed to boys are almost never so tiny/tight.

Ofnorman · 15/08/2021 12:37

The sad reality is the the daughter will get heckled and harassed at some point. But she'll get harassed no matter whether she's wearing short shorts, or hoodie and jeans. Girls and women will always be sexually harassed until society changes the narrative that women are the custodians of men's behaviour, and not the actual men.

JustFrustrated · 15/08/2021 12:37

@morganhunt

Did you post the wrong photo? Cause that's just shorts and t-shirts on the boys , and running lettings and t-shirts on the girls?

If that is the correct photo, the issue lies with you and I hope you're not passing such weird feelings about normal clothing on to your children....

NattyDiamondDoll · 15/08/2021 12:39

Your husband worded it awkwardly and old fashioned but I understand where he is coming from. She isn't asking for "trouble" but she may possibly get unwanted attention from older boys or men, which may make her feel uncomfortable. Society shouldn't be this way but it is and until it changes I don't want my own daughter to become a victim. Its a horrible fact which I see with my own eyes... A skimpy outfit draws attention from fully grown men who should know better. The kind of attention that a young teenage girl would feel intimidated by.
If more parents would bring their sons up to respect women maybe this wouldn't be an issue.

careerchangeperhaps · 15/08/2021 12:39

I wouldn't let my 12 year old wear them in this situation, no. They're not appropriate wear for going into town. Running - yes. Gym class - yes. Costa - no (just like I wouldn't let her wear a bikini into town but would be happy for her to do so on the beach / at the poo). Nothing to do with men though.

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