AIBU to let 12 yo DD go out wearing these shorts?

[christyt114]

DH says I am.

DD (12) (but looks about 14) has these shorts which I got for her to exercise in but she says they're comfortable and likes them so wears them out and about.

Yesterday she wore them with a short top when she walked to meet her friend. They got a Costa then walked back to ours.

DH said she was "asking for trouble" because she was wearing the shorts and wants me to tell her she can't wear them out and about.

He reckons a paedophile will look at her and think "her parents don't care about her" and will abduct her.

(She made it home safely by the way).

Who's BU?

[quote FreeSpirits]@PurpleDaisies I didn't say it was her responsibility.. I said her dad was taking responsibility for keeping his child safe.

I wouldnt want my son to walk around town in his boxers either ..[/quote]
Ok. What brief would you give to the dad?

I don’t agree that she’s “asking for trouble” by an outfit choice that is a silly comment.
I wouldn’t want my DD wearing them if she’s not exercising though because they are very skin tight, short and look like underwear (especially with a crop top!) It just feels inappropriate but maybe that’s my issue!

@Wheretobuy

They are not shorts. They are bloody underwear.

No. They are shorts.

They look like boxers to me, so no.

FWIW I don't think what she wears has any bearing on whether she'll be "attacked" but it does change the kind of attention she'll get.

Maybe it shouldn't or maybe that's why young girls and women do it?

I don't like your dhs comments and don't agree with them, but no i wouldn't let my 12 year old wear them, they look like underwear to me.

I wouldn't because they are exercise shorts. I also wouldn't let my child wear pyjamas out in the day.

I wouldn't let my 13 year old go out in them.

Women and girls absolutely should be able to wear whatever they want but the fact of the matter is that she would attract unwanted attention from men. It isn't her problem, it's theirs. But she's to young to be able to deal with what will essentially be sexual harassment.

His comments are very inappropriate.

However, that looks like underwear and also inappropriate for a day out, in my opinion. We do not need to actively encourage hypersexualisation of women. You wouldn’t ever say a 12yo (or 32yo) boy looked fine when dressed in something like that.

@PurpleDaisies
They are not shorts! They are pants and the same rule applies to boys’ dressing too. I wouldn’t want my son walking around in these. No way.

What do the posters who say their DDs are only allowed to wear shorts like that for exercise tell their DDs?

what reason do you give for your child not to be allowed to wear a perfectly ordinary pair of shorts?

[quote Wheretobuy]@PurpleDaisies
They are not shorts! They are pants and the same rule applies to boys’ dressing too. I wouldn’t want my son walking around in these. No way.[/quote]
Here.

m.jdsports.co.uk/product/black-nike-training-pro-3-shorts/16070416/?cm_mmc=googleshop--google--shopping-_-pla&istCompanyId=9c5cf6f7-3142-4f9f-be57-2fce9c67adfd&istFeedId=014e8b49-620d-4e56-9e87-79529c403af2&istItemId=iaxtqttql&istBid=tzxt&gclid=CjwKCAjw9uKIBhA8EiwAYPUS3A-4UmLnMNjrk72HQOVGW0QI4qofXo3AQIS3Qf8sjHBHgOHI2CHefBoCF5kQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

They are shorts.

@Wheretobuy

these are not pants.

@spongedod

What do the posters who say their DDs are only allowed to wear shorts like that for exercise tell their DDs?

what reason do you give for your child not to be allowed to wear a perfectly ordinary pair of shorts?

It is not a perfectly ordinary pair of shorts for going to the supermarket or a bank appointment. Same I wouldn’t wear my pyjamas to those, something that basically looks like underwear isn’t to be worn in all situations. My opinion.

Your DH’s comments were inappropriate for her age though. He seems to be the kind of father who doesn’t really take interest in talking to their child much. If he had an established communication style with her, it wouldn’t come down to this.

She could walk down the road stark bollock naked and still not be asking for anything.

Your 'd'h sounds like a bit of a twat

@daisymill

She could walk down the road stark bollock naked and still not be asking for anything.

Your 'd'h sounds like a bit of a twat

If a man did that we’d be calling him a perv and phoning the police. I hate these kind of double standards.

I do agree that the dad’s comments were inappropriate though.

They are a little short for going out for coffee. They would be fine if she was going to the gym, for a run etc. To me it's like a bikini, you wouldn't wear it to the movies, yet it's fine to wear at the beach. It's not appropriate clothing.

It maybe just an early introduction to the unabashed stares that will come from men, men old enough to be her grandfather but at some point no matter what she is wearing she will be subject to feeling uncomfortable.

It is shit, we have all experienced it as women I am sure and there have been lots of threads on here about Mums walking with their young teen daughters or preteens who have had men stare for long periods of time or made comments about the way they look. If they are brave enough to do it with a mother present, they will definitely do it when she is on her own or with her friends. That is what she needs to learn to deal with.

I think in the first instance, telling them she is 12 might be enough.

@MissCruellaDeVil

They are a little short for going out for coffee. They would be fine if she was going to the gym, for a run etc. To me it's like a bikini, you wouldn't wear it to the movies, yet it's fine to wear at the beach. It's not appropriate clothing.

I’ve seen plenty of women wearing this sort of thing in my local Costa which is next to a gym. I wear sports kit to the supermarket, a bank or wherever if I’m going before or after a workout. I’ve never been refused entry.

I'm not sure how swapping those shorts for a pair of (say) similar length denim shorts would put off paedophiles or predatory men.

If they are exercise wear, then is it ok for her to wear them if she's out for a jog or a cycle ride? Why is this different to going to Costa?

The 'asking for trouble' comment is terrible but you know that by now.

However, I wouldnt be happy about my 12 year old wearing these 'out and about' at the gym or for exercise, fine, they are functional in the same way as a leotard or swimming costume would be. But I wouldn't want my 12 year old wearing either of those in Costa either. That's just how I feel about it.

[quote spongedod]@Wheretobuy

these are not pants.[/quote]
I know they are not pants. I’m want they are an inch or two short of pants in all ways possible, pun intended.
Following good dressing habits is a part of growing up. The other day I saw a teen in really loose clothing and she looked very stylish and classy still.
Less is definitely not more in this case and loose clothes are more comfortable most of the times. It’s irritating to imagine how these ‘shorts’ will quite literally be sitting inside my vagina.

That's such a stupid thing to say 'asking for trouble!' it's sport shorts. Depends on where you live, how safe it is etc. But I've had literally small traumas from my mum stopping me from wearing what i want as a kid - because i might 'attract perverts'... now i cover up all the time..