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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to let 12 yo DD go out wearing these shorts?

378 replies

christyt114 · 15/08/2021 11:33

DH says I am.

DD (12) (but looks about 14) has these shorts which I got for her to exercise in but she says they're comfortable and likes them so wears them out and about.

Yesterday she wore them with a short top when she walked to meet her friend. They got a Costa then walked back to ours.

DH said she was "asking for trouble" because she was wearing the shorts and wants me to tell her she can't wear them out and about.

He reckons a paedophile will look at her and think "her parents don't care about her" and will abduct her.

(She made it home safely by the way).

Who's BU?

AIBU to let 12 yo DD go out wearing these shorts?
OP posts:
SoftSheen · 15/08/2021 16:31

Women/girls should be able to wear whatever they like.

However, in the real world, a 12 year old girl who both looks a few years older, and dresses a few years older, risks getting male attention that she's just not ready for. Not necessarily from unpleasant middle aged men, but from 15-16 year old boys who imagine she's a similar age to them.

You can't really police what a 16 year old wears, but I think you can retain a bit of control with a 12 year old e.g. compromise that these clothes are fine for exercising, but not for going for coffee/walking round town etc.

notacooldad · 15/08/2021 16:31

Of course it’s men’s fault but why do you need to provoke them?
Awwww, the more men just cant help themselves! 'A 12 year old child made me do it!!!!'

Even if that child looks 14 as the op says she is still a child

Ans sports wear does not make you look like a prostitute!
What a load of shite!

Is it talk crap day on mn today?

notacooldad · 15/08/2021 16:32

Typo alert on my post the poor men not more men.

Shallysally · 15/08/2021 16:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ExpressDelivery · 15/08/2021 16:42

When I was 13yo, a friend and I used to wear a short skirt and go and hang about by the main road to see how many toots we could get.

When they tooted, was that our fault, their fault, our parents' fault for letting us go out like that? Did it even matter?

FWIW, times have changed, I don't think we'd get many toots today, although I daresay they'd still look.

choli · 15/08/2021 18:14

@ExpressDelivery

When I was 13yo, a friend and I used to wear a short skirt and go and hang about by the main road to see how many toots we could get.

When they tooted, was that our fault, their fault, our parents' fault for letting us go out like that? Did it even matter?

FWIW, times have changed, I don't think we'd get many toots today, although I daresay they'd still look.

I know, right? Like suddenly girls are not looking for male attention.
fan90 · 15/08/2021 18:35

Nothing to do with "asking for trouble" (dear god), but no way is that appropriate outdoor attire. People here will say it's fine though, ANYTHING's fine for girls to wear in Mumsnetland. If you say your twelve year old wants to go out in her pants cos they're comfy they'll be falling over to say that's fine too.

Boys seem to have no trouble dressing appropriately though. I don't see any teen boys in skin tight shorts that just covers their arse.

StoneofDestiny · 15/08/2021 18:38

@morganhunt

These kids are doing a run - so it's appropriate.

SofiaMichelle · 15/08/2021 18:48

Your DH's choice of words was poor but, Christ, there are people actually saying LTB over that?

The mind boggles!

And no, I wouldn't be happy with my DD wearing those tiny skintight shorts with a short top at that age.

Why the need for such skin tight clothing on children, anyway? What's the purpose of skintight clothing other than to show off the body underneath (unless it's for comfort when actually carrying out exercise)?

And what's with the people in this thread absolutely adamant that women only wear clothing to please themselves, not to show off to others? Absolute bollocks and they know it.

NB: yes, anyone should be able to wear whatever-the-fuck-they-like and no, it's not their fault if they're abused, attacked, whatever else.

liveforsummer · 15/08/2021 18:48

@fan90

Nothing to do with "asking for trouble" (dear god), but no way is that appropriate outdoor attire. People here will say it's fine though, ANYTHING's fine for girls to wear in Mumsnetland. If you say your twelve year old wants to go out in her pants cos they're comfy they'll be falling over to say that's fine too.

Boys seem to have no trouble dressing appropriately though. I don't see any teen boys in skin tight shorts that just covers their arse.

It is not ok in mumsnet land or anywhere else, to go out in pants. It is ok to go out in shorts. Boys anatomy is different to girls so there are slightly different expectations over clothing. Hope that helps!
ittakes2 · 15/08/2021 19:25

I really feel for you. I met someone once or was on some sort of child pedo advice board and she was saying the research was that young girls being sexualised through dress choices was contributing to the problem. Is it right or fair? No way. My daughter went through a growth spurt where her shorts suddenly became very short verging on inappropriate - but I was loathe to damage her confidence so I said nothing. I don't know the answer I am sorry but I think all you can do is monitor it. I read somewhere once that we help guide our children on what to wear normally - it looks like rain take a coat, you'll be walking up hills wearing walking shoes etc etc - there is an arguement to say encouraging them to keep excerise kit for excerise makes sense but I don't have the answer for you sorry.

Lonelylooloo · 15/08/2021 20:04

Oh Jesus no!

I mean I’m only in my 20’s and I’m not exactly a prude but those are barely even shorts. They look like when I used to borrow my boyfriends boxers and wear them to college as a teenager Hmm (under my jeans). Those are not ‘walking to Costa’ appropriate in my opinion

VodkaSlimline · 15/08/2021 20:52

Totally inappropriate unless she is a dancer/cheerleader/gymnast and wearing them to practice - but those girls always throw on a long top and usually pair of tracksuit bottoms over their dancewear if they're going outside.

Scotsmaw · 15/08/2021 20:56

@letmethinkaboutitfornow

Did you mean to be so rude???? >>>>>
My dd neither looks like a prostitute or is looking to provoke men, she trains in these clothes, works out each day, is a straight A student and a nice girl into the bargain. I have no further comment to make on your bizarre post but hope you get the help you need.

Scotsmaw
He is my 16 yo wears similar outfits as do a lot of her friends. Men are the problem here not your dd.
Never understood this.

Is it age appropriate?
Is it occasion appropriate?

If she is wearing that with a crop top she looks like a prostitute and sending that message to everyone. In a gym - it’s perfect! Outdoor? You really need to ask 😔

Of course it’s men’s fault but why do you need to provoke them? 😔

trunumber · 15/08/2021 20:56

I went to pick up chippy earlier and saw 3 young girls wearing these. They're obviously shorts when they're on. Not a problem at all.

stripedbananas · 15/08/2021 20:58

*These exact shorts have actually been banned from PE in a few Secondary Schools for the exact reason your DP has given°

There is naturally varying opinion on this as already metioned in this thread.

My DD 14 and all her friends only mainly wear these shorts under skirts now. But may rarely wear them on their own with a T-shirt on the odd day.

Scotsmaw · 15/08/2021 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

stripedbananas · 15/08/2021 21:02

@Scotsmaw ???

What are you talking about this is my first post on this thread.

Regularsizedrudy · 15/08/2021 21:10

@Whinginadeville

Your husband is right and sounds like he really cares about his daughter. Posters on this thread are deluded if they think a 12 year old can change predatory men's thinking with the power of her attitude alone.
Predatory men don’t give a fuck what you are wearing
rhowton · 15/08/2021 21:17

LET GIRLS WEAR WHAT THEY WANT.

Whywonttheyhelpme · 15/08/2021 21:30

Hmm. I think your DH could have explained his concerns more eloquently.

Your DD isn’t “asking for it”, is highly unlikely to be abducted and should absolutely be able to wear what she wants. However an attractive young girl in those shorts could garner unwanted attention and may not be mature enough to handle the situation comfortably.

DH would be better off educating your daughter on what to do IF she came across these circumstances rather than try and dress her like a nun.

Itstheprinciple · 15/08/2021 21:34

Yes I would and, in fact, my Dd 14 does. And even shorter denim shorts. If other people have a problem, that is their problem.

Scotsmaw · 15/08/2021 21:40

@stripedbananas sorry my post was directed at @letmethinkaboutitfornow she was rude, I didn’t post my second post quick enough and you posted in between, its been deleted now anyway as i apparently broke some guidelines.

Diverseopinions · 15/08/2021 21:44

I think fashions look different on different individuals because of their shape and how the material positions itself. We've had a few posts lately on what is appropriate for female children to wear in terms of skin-tight fashion. The shorts shown in the photograph have been carefully lit so that they just look like a filled in block of black colour in the middle. You can't see how the fashion would look when the person is walking, tying their trainer laces, lying on the grass.

The model in the photo is very slim with an athletic frame. The style might look different on a different figure-type. Only you know how your daughter looks in the outfit - but posters here cannot give an opinion on that.

I don't have a daughter, but if I had, I would at least want to listen to what my DH, if I had one, had to say about fashions and male reactions to them. We are frequently being informed that the reactions of males to sensually stimulating sights is different to that of women. Has this wisdom changed now? Is that discourse old-fashioned now? Are we saying that men are not quickly turned on by attractive healthily-developed females in 'spray-on' look clothing? Or are we saying, we shouldn't consider the impact of our clothing choices on other people?

I'm not a guy, so I don't know. But if I thought enough of my partner to have committed to them in the first place, I'd assume they probably know the gist of what they are talking about, and I'd want to ask them to explain and justify their attitude and to say what adaptions would make the outfit more acceptable, as they see it. I wouldn't want to dismiss a viewpoint I'm not in a position to understand or know about, first-hand.

I've seen some teenage girls of different ages in completely fitted 'spray-on' style stretch jump suits and I've thought, are you genuinely 'comfortable' having people inadvertently glance at you and then feel a bit embarrassed?

Of course, in an ideal world people would wear whatever they want. But in the real world, you think about how much of yourself you want to expose. It isn't only flesh that is the issue in terms of decency, it's how much of your form you are going to reveal. People wear bikinis on the beach, but they pay attention to what style of costume it is, and whether it stays opaque when wet, etc.

therocinante · 15/08/2021 21:51

@rhowton

LET GIRLS WEAR WHAT THEY WANT.
INNIT. Horrifying thread.