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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to let 12 yo DD go out wearing these shorts?

378 replies

christyt114 · 15/08/2021 11:33

DH says I am.

DD (12) (but looks about 14) has these shorts which I got for her to exercise in but she says they're comfortable and likes them so wears them out and about.

Yesterday she wore them with a short top when she walked to meet her friend. They got a Costa then walked back to ours.

DH said she was "asking for trouble" because she was wearing the shorts and wants me to tell her she can't wear them out and about.

He reckons a paedophile will look at her and think "her parents don't care about her" and will abduct her.

(She made it home safely by the way).

Who's BU?

AIBU to let 12 yo DD go out wearing these shorts?
OP posts:
LunaTheCat · 15/08/2021 21:56

Exercise wear is not usually worn for exercise around here!
It is fine.
Your daughter needs protecting from her Dad! Young women are not responsible for the behaviour of men. Maybe he is having difficulty with her growing up.? You and your husband need to have a discussion.

Sweettea1 · 15/08/2021 22:37

They are certainly better than some of the shorts some teens wear.
I've seen teen girls wearing shorts with the arse cheeks hanging out Who and why on earth would anyone let their teen daughters go out showing their arse cheeks?

Sweettea1 · 15/08/2021 22:40

@LunaTheCat

Exercise wear is not usually worn for exercise around here! It is fine. Your daughter needs protecting from her Dad! Young women are not responsible for the behaviour of men. Maybe he is having difficulty with her growing up.? You and your husband need to have a discussion.
Protecting from her dad why? He obviously does not what his very young daughter getting unwanted attention! And yes the problem is men but it still happens so off course he is worried.
strivingtosucceed · 15/08/2021 22:44

I'm in my 20s and don't think those are age appropriate at all. I frequently wear these type of shorts myself for training as they're easy to move in but on my way home I always change into joggers.

Women should be able to wear what they want, yes, but right now we all know that wearing certain types of clothing attracts attention from certain types of people or makes her seem older than she is. And it may not even be pervy old men, teen boys (that your daughter is probably way too young for) may see it as a call for attention. At 12 your daughter likely doesn't have the fortitude to know what to say to these peopel, especially the more persistent ones.

One thing I don't understand is why we are so eager to show "youth" by exposing as much of ourselves as we can, but somehow this only relates to women. Someone else rightly said, if a man was wearing your daughter's exact outfit to costa, someone would have called the police on him.

PurpleDaisies · 15/08/2021 22:45

Someone else rightly said, if a man was wearing your daughter's exact outfit to costa, someone would have called the police on him.

What exactly do you think the police would do?

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 15/08/2021 22:50

Let's say that from tomorrow all women everywhere decided to dress in a sack like dress, like in the Handmaids Tale.

It would be incredible as suddenly catcalling, unskirting, assault and rape would stop as we're not dressing to draw unwanted male attention.

Confused
Brown76 · 15/08/2021 22:50

I saw someone exercising in them today (adult) and my first thought was “why are they wearing underpants in the street?” I think it’s the writing around the waistband that makes them look like pants.

avamiah · 15/08/2021 22:51

My daughter is 11 and regularly wears shorts and crop tops and leggings for her dance classes but I’m not that keen on her wearing crop tops out and about.
I have no problem with shorts especially in the hot weather but if she wears a crop top then she has to wear a t shirt over it .

OhDearWhyHasThisHappened · 15/08/2021 22:57

I get that people should have the choice to wear what they want but it makes me cringe when seeing revealing clothes on teenage girls, it just looks so wrong

Mischance · 15/08/2021 23:01

Well - it does look a bit like underwear, so I have to say I would not have chosen for any of my DDs to go out like that when they were 12.

But it is also clear that she is not "asking for trouble".

She is simply dressed inappropriately for the situation.

Blankspace4 · 15/08/2021 23:11

I think those shorts and a crop top are a bit much for Costa. Shorts and a baggy top or crop top and baggy / long pants….but that’s more a style preference than anything else.

I do think it’s sad how we as girls / women don’t feel safe and that we have to make continuous life choices based on male violence

IdblowJonSnow · 15/08/2021 23:54

I wouldn't be happy with my kids wearing those. I wouldn't think anyone was 'asking for it', the reality is that they'll likely get comments/stares though.

aiwblam · 16/08/2021 00:36

Clothes aren’t “asking for trouble” but knowing that trouble is indeed out there, active avoidance is needed IMO. So no I would not allow her to Costa in those.

Wheretobuy · 16/08/2021 00:37

@LunaTheCat

Exercise wear is not usually worn for exercise around here! It is fine. Your daughter needs protecting from her Dad! Young women are not responsible for the behaviour of men. Maybe he is having difficulty with her growing up.? You and your husband need to have a discussion.
Bollocks
avamiah · 16/08/2021 00:42

@IdblowJonSnow

I wouldn't be happy with my kids wearing those. I wouldn't think anyone was 'asking for it', the reality is that they'll likely get comments/stares though.
Yes I totally agree with you.

Unless they are on holiday and going down the beach then put a top on and a pair of longer shorts .

choli · 16/08/2021 01:07

He obviously does not what his very young daughter getting unwanted attention!
Unwanted by him. Probably very much wanted by her.

Balonzette · 16/08/2021 06:09

I wouldn't allow it with a short top Blush Maybe with a long tshirt for sports

MimiSunshine · 16/08/2021 06:28

Ive seen loads of teen girls and young women wearing shorts like these.

It makes me feel so old and out of touch because every time, I slightly react to it in a gut response of ‘she’s wearing boxer shirts in the street’ 🤨

I know they’re not underwear but they’re clearly designed to look like men’s underwear but yet look attractive on women,
Women should be able to wear what the hell they like but I don’t think the dad is unreasonable to feel concerned that his 12 looks like she’s out in just underwear even when she’s not.

Hatethisplacetho · 16/08/2021 06:42

Let the girls wear what they want, it’s eMpOwErInG, screamed the women, seemingly unaware that skintight booty shorts and crop tops on young girls and women is exactly what men want to see Hmm

Having men 3 x your age leering at your arse is not comfortable, ever, stop lying to yourselves, skintight clothes are not more comfortable than baggy ones, men ALWAYS notice scantily clad girls and a 12 year old is not equipped to deal with the sort of attention creepy men inflict on women who catch their eye
I stoped wearing skirts at 12/13 to minimise street harassment because i noticed that wearing short skirts invites a certain type of attention. I grew up in London and was not sheltered at all, travelling on buses full of creeps every day. Maybe it’s different in a small town.
Anyway every woman in the world knows that how she dresses affects the way the world treats her. You do girls a disservice by pretending that their appearance exists in a vacuum of “choice” (which sounds pretty uniform according to this thread)

SeoultoSeoul · 16/08/2021 07:32

God this thread is depressing.
It's a slippery slope policing what women wear.
Do you think the women who live in Afghanistan are safe from male harassment because they wear a burkha?
A far better approach is to let women and girls wear what they like and teach men and boys that it is not OK to leer at them, even better, teach them to challenge their mates for misogyny.

trunumber · 16/08/2021 08:08

We aren't saying let girls wear what they want because it's empowering. We are saying it is men's responsibility to control themselves not a child's responsibility.

Men rape. They do it whether a female is attractive or not. Old or young. A child or an adult. Dressed in shorts or dressed in a burqa.

If we tell a girl that her clothes are "inappropriate" we perpetuate the myth that Women are to blame for those poor men who are entirely unable to control themselves.

If a young boy went out in these shorts how many posters would be worrying about whether he was "asking for it" from women and how he had better cover up because we can't control ourselves? None

Responsibility for appropriate behaviour lies with adult males, NOT with female children.

Coogee · 16/08/2021 08:53

If a young boy went out in these shorts how many posters would be worrying about whether he was "asking for it" from women and how he had better cover up because we can't control ourselves? None

If a young boy went out in those shorts, I expect most people would assume that he had forgotten to put his trousers on.

Redwinestillfine · 16/08/2021 09:00

Absolutely no way I would be letting a young boy out in shorts like that.

MimiSunshine · 16/08/2021 09:03

@Coogee

If a young boy went out in these shorts how many posters would be worrying about whether he was "asking for it" from women and how he had better cover up because we can't control ourselves? None

If a young boy went out in those shorts, I expect most people would assume that he had forgotten to put his trousers on.

100%
EmmaJR1 · 16/08/2021 09:23

Your husband thinks your child is "asking for trouble" because she's wearing shorts?

He's a fucking pig. Does he look at other children and sexualise them? Dies he think women in general should only wear shapeless sacks?

God this attitude makes me so angry!

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