My partner just sent this text. AIBU for being angry?

[Lan2020]

A quick back story first. I'm 33 partner 51, have a toddler and lived together 2 years (together 4).

Partner never been any support for me. Moved house pregnant alone, watched me vomit in bed when I had a sickness bug with baby next to me and walked away, I do all housework, get up with child etc. Partner has back pain so I make allowances (even pick things up off floor for him), however he's staying with a family member and he's been doing hours of work around the house. I've been suffering with pain over the last 2 years but still do everything, because he always said he's worse than me. I basically messaged him (rightly or wrongly) and said I'd rather he didn't tell me about the things he's been doing because it upsets me that whilst I have been struggling, he's not helped me and that I assumed it's because he physically cant but now realise I'm a mug. He can help but chooses not to.

It's caused a huge arguement. I'm a horrible and nasty person. It's decended into him yet again bring up that he supports the family financially and I should be grateful, not horrible to him.
He does pay the rent and I pay the bills. The rent is substantially more but his hourly pay is 6 times what mine is. Furthermore, he was the one that insisted we had to have a huge house because he said " I would never live in anything less than a 4 bed".

I've offered to work more. Said I'd happily work full time and pay half but he would rather me home with child and he can earn more in an hour than I do in 6.

So after my text this evening he sent this ...

"the way you like the 50 and 60s era you think you'd be happy but you want me to be a total house husband also and pay for the home"

Im so mad! I don't want a house husband who pays for everything!! I do everything..I literally just said when I'm in pain I'd like a little help and I've offered to work more and pay half.

I'm so upset.

Jees, get rid. Your life will be so much better.

He is taking you for a mug and wants to keep you in your place.

I don’t even know where to start!

1. He is a dick
2. Why are you still with him?
3. Do you REALLY think he is ‘staying with a family member’?

What actions are you taking to leave?

You’ve posted about him several times recently, I think? What do you want to hear differently this time?

I was just thinking that, too.
The same thoughts and last time.
Why are you with him?

Ffs set a good example to your child and ditch this poor excuse for a partner and father.

"No I would like you to act like a reasonable human being who values his life partner and child clearly this is expecting too much perhaps if I were a "family member" I would get more support"

You’ve posted about this man a number of times before and repeatedly been advised this man is dreadful and you need to leave. You’re never going to have a satisfying relationship with him.

He's definitely with a relative. 100%

I know I've posted about him before and I know I'm an idiot.

I just wondered if I was justified in being upset with his message or was it my fault for calling him out on his inability to help me. He's been telling me how horrible nad nasty I am.

Of course he’s trying to turn it around on you. If he were to say ‘you’re right, I should be doing more around the house, caring for you, caring for our child..’ then he’d have to stop treating you like a servant. He’ll always have excuses. He’ll never change. He’ll never change no matter what you say to him. What are you going to do about that?

OP, I usually eye roll at the LTB nuts on MN but any man who wants cookies for paying his way and not leaving his family destitute needs to be dropped like a hot potato

He’s living the dream, got a woman 20 years his junior waiting on him and foot and doing all the child rearing and he doesn’t even have to lift a finger.

You have two choices it seems, you stay with a man who doesn’t respect you and he continues to make you miserable and cause you stress.

Or you make plans to leave him and carve out a new life with your child.

But only you can decide.

OP does he have any other children?

YABU to accept this as normal behaviour and continue to stay and procreate with him.

Is this the horrible part tome doctor? I remember the last thread, he's such a snob and just awful. Really joyless and honestly just go, it will be hard for few months but you can breathe and live your life.
It's not fair for your children to grow up like this, come on.
We will support you on here x

OP - you’re with a man who you know is useless and has been from the beginning. Having a child with him has tied you to him but it doesn’t mean you have to stay.

Don’t get distracted by text arguments - it’s not the heart of the matter.

The problem is he’s lazy and unsupportive and isn’t a full parent or partner.

You’ll be better off alone and you know it.

He sounds like a bellend TBH. Are you still with him just due to fear of the upheaval of what will happen when you split up?

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop that's how I feel. That I should be eternally grateful he is with me and pays bills. Basically after his divorce he lived with his dad for 10 years. It's their childhood home (huge house, nice area) and he wants us to live there. Its only 40 mins away from where we live bit not practical as it's near a big city and driving to work is around 1hr 30 mins, my eldest wouldn't see his dad so much (his dad is great and always been consistent) and would have to change school. My partner moving closer my way had no change in his life but he's obsessed with wanting to live at his family home (his mum has passed away and his dad lives abroad about 8 months a year).

He also has a 13 year old

Why focus on one text? It’s a completely pointless waste of time.

Either leave him or accept this is your life.

His age shows in his message. His mother was probably a house wife. Get rid.

He is a twat and he wasn't even born in the 50s, ffs.

What is expected of you as a stepmum?
BTW I asked as there was a very interesting thread on here a few days ago about older men who split from their first wives then look to find a nice naive compliant younger woman who ends up taking on the primary parenting role when their SC are round.

Do NOT move to that house. It won't make you happy. Is your current home in your name?

[quote Lan2020]@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop that's how I feel. That I should be eternally grateful he is with me and pays bills. Basically after his divorce he lived with his dad for 10 years. It's their childhood home (huge house, nice area) and he wants us to live there. Its only 40 mins away from where we live bit not practical as it's near a big city and driving to work is around 1hr 30 mins, my eldest wouldn't see his dad so much (his dad is great and always been consistent) and would have to change school. My partner moving closer my way had no change in his life but he's obsessed with wanting to live at his family home (his mum has passed away and his dad lives abroad about 8 months a year).

He also has a 13 year old[/quote]
It’s not fair on your son to have more difficulty seeing his dad. That should be a no brainer.

@Quitelikeacatslife yes it is. I know I'm an idiot. I do. I love him and am insecure. I want us to be a family but I know its a terrible answer.