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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Treated like an alcoholic by midwife?

736 replies

MyMabel · 14/08/2021 17:45

Anyone else been in this situation?

Ok our telephone consultation appointment I was asked how much I drink prior to finding out I was pregnant - I said (honestly) I had about one or two gins every night, the occasion glass or two of wine instead. Couldn’t tell them in units as I have no idea.

I was never drunk, never drank until DP was home as we have a toddler DD so wanted to make sure if anything happened one of us can drive, plus I wouldn’t drink while solely responsible for her. - again, never drunk or even dizzy. Just a glass or two while watching telly before bed. I suppose with COVID and all I was just bored?

Anyway, was asked if I drank since finding out- said no, because I haven’t.

Come to my face to face appointment; Midwife explains that due to my alcohol intake before being pregnant I’ve been referred to speak to someone. I was in a bit of shock to ask questions and just said ok. But after I left I felt mortally embarrassed and now a bit worried they think I’ve got a drinking problem?!

Maybe I’m not BU in the sense that they could perhaps help someone who struggled with alcohol by doing this routinely.. but AIBU to think I really don’t need to speak to someone regarding what I drank in the evenings?

Did I really drink THAT much too much? I get it was too much and probably not healthy for my body.. but I don’t think it’s that bad?!

OP posts:
Roundearth · 14/08/2021 17:47

Well drinking every night isn't normal is it. its well above recommended amounts

Fernando072020 · 14/08/2021 17:48

I do personally think 2 glasses of gin every night is a bit much but maybe that's because I don't really drink myself.

I'm sure it's just a safeguarding issues and something they have to do. When you go and clarify that you're not drinking now you're pregnant etc it should all be fine I'd assume

MyDcAreMarvel · 14/08/2021 17:49

Yes you did drink too much , however you have stopped for your baby so that’s positive.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 14/08/2021 17:49

On MN you're an alcoholic if you have anything more than a thimble full of Sherry at Christmas. But IMO a couple of glasses of wine a night is absolutely fine.

However there are sadly many people who DO have alcohol issues and it's a chance to capture that and offer support as it may be the only opportunity a professional like a midwife can get to say they'll support an alcoholic. Don't worry too much - it's designed to help you not hinder you. Good luck OP!

WaterIsBest · 14/08/2021 17:49

Drinking 1 or 2 drinks every night would be classed as to much in the medical field

Comedycook · 14/08/2021 17:49

That does seem a bit ott and I'm teetotal. I wonder if it's because you drank every day? Maybe that's a red flag which triggers intervention?

Lumpwoody · 14/08/2021 17:49

2 home measures of gin every night of the week is probably above the recommended amount?

PurpleFlower1983 · 14/08/2021 17:50

I like a drink too but that’s well above the recommended limits. I suppose they are concerned that you may be dependent.

SunbathingDragon · 14/08/2021 17:50

I think it sounds like you were drinking a lot and must have had quite a tolerance to have never felt drunk on it. Would looking at it as support to make sure you aren’t drinking similar levels once the baby is born help?

Mybalconyiscracking · 14/08/2021 17:50

Two glasses every night is too much, you know that.

FOJN · 14/08/2021 17:50

Did she tell you who you were being referred to and for what purpose?
I doubt attending an appointment with whoever you've been referred to is compulsory so you could just decline if you don't want to go.

NeverMetANiceOne · 14/08/2021 17:50

One or two drinks every night is a lot. Do you have any dry days a week?

dementedpixie · 14/08/2021 17:50

It's probably because you said you had a drink every night. Makes it sound like you were relying on it and maybe they think you will find it hard to not drink while pregnant. Depending on the size of your measures e.g. single or double you could have been having 28 units over the week which is double what is recommended.

oscarandelliesdad · 14/08/2021 17:50

Seems like overreach to me. Yes it was above recommended amounts but you were being very sensible and have given up no bother since discovering you were pregnant. Congratulations Flowers

Original poster
MyMabel · 14/08/2021 17:50

I say every night but that’s probably a slight exaggeration; it was regular, but not every single night without fail- I mean I didn’t make it a nightly ritual.
Maybe one week every night, then 2/3 nights the next.

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 14/08/2021 17:51

The fact that you stopped no problem means you have no problem 🤷🏻
I don't drink every night but all together i might drink same amount of units like you each week. Depends on size of the gin too.

ChilliWillies · 14/08/2021 17:51

Two glasses a night (especially home measures) is way over weekly drinking guidelines, and as it’s habitual, that’s triggered a referral. However, the fact you’ve given up completely without an issue demonstrates you don’t have a dependency, so should be fine when you speak to referral team.
I developed a dependency on only two glasses of wine a night, and quit alcohol for good 18 months ago, so it’s not unreasonable to expect you could have also developed one.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 14/08/2021 17:51

Jesus I only drink occasionally and certainly wouldn't feel drunk off 2 glasses of gin or wine!

FelicityPike · 14/08/2021 17:51

Yeah that’s a bit much. Sorry.

PurpleFlower1983 · 14/08/2021 17:52

My husband drinks almost every night and faced similar questions when we almost had to go down the infertility route for our DD, he’s cut down since but it’s crept back up with lockdown.

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 14/08/2021 17:52

I imagine it was the every night thing that raised concerns as well as the quantity. Alcohol free days each week are very much recommended.

oklets · 14/08/2021 17:52

I think it's probably the drinking every night that raised a flag. Even in relatively small amounts that's unhealthy though arguably much better than binge drinking. They may also think you are under reporting how much you're drinking. It certainly doesn't sound like you have a problem, you just got into bad habits in lockdown like a lot of people. Once you explain you are not currently drinking, I'm sure it'll be fine.

Confused102 · 14/08/2021 17:53

That is quite a bit every single night, but you have stopped. Maybe she just wants to make certain that you are aware of the dangers, not in a patronizing way.

Recessed · 14/08/2021 17:53

I'd be mortified too but as above it's probably because you said you drank every day? The quantities are obviously fine but drinking every single day suggests dependency which isn't great. Do you literally mean every single day?

Orf1abc · 14/08/2021 17:54

Home measures tend to be a fair bit more than a proper single measure, on that basis you were drinking twice the recommended amount for a female. There's no judgment in making a referral, it's more about making sure you're coping OK.