Treated like an alcoholic by midwife?

[MyMabel]

Anyone else been in this situation?

Ok our telephone consultation appointment I was asked how much I drink prior to finding out I was pregnant - I said (honestly) I had about one or two gins every night, the occasion glass or two of wine instead. Couldn’t tell them in units as I have no idea.

I was never drunk, never drank until DP was home as we have a toddler DD so wanted to make sure if anything happened one of us can drive, plus I wouldn’t drink while solely responsible for her. - again, never drunk or even dizzy. Just a glass or two while watching telly before bed. I suppose with COVID and all I was just bored?

Anyway, was asked if I drank since finding out- said no, because I haven’t.

Come to my face to face appointment; Midwife explains that due to my alcohol intake before being pregnant I’ve been referred to speak to someone. I was in a bit of shock to ask questions and just said ok. But after I left I felt mortally embarrassed and now a bit worried they think I’ve got a drinking problem?!

Maybe I’m not BU in the sense that they could perhaps help someone who struggled with alcohol by doing this routinely.. but AIBU to think I really don’t need to speak to someone regarding what I drank in the evenings?

Did I really drink THAT much too much? I get it was too much and probably not healthy for my body.. but I don’t think it’s that bad?!

I had this. I was honest about how much I drank before finding out I was pregnant (which was a lot) and the midwife asked me if I wanted help giving up. I firmly declined as I drank nothing from finding out I was pregnant until the week before DS was born (a glass of champagne) and didn’t need help. She was a bit put out but it really would have been a waste of resources.

On MN you're an alcoholic if you have anything more than a thimble full of Sherry at Christmas. But IMO a couple of glasses of wine a night is absolutely fine.

Not this again, it is too much, though some posters think a bottle of wine a day is fine. No wonder our relationship with alcohol is so bad.

I wouldnt ask this question on mumsnet, half a glass s of wine /week would make you a raging alcoholic according to mumsnet.

I think there must be some formal threshold and it's not diwn to individual discretion. E.g. anything mir than 3x a week gets a referral.

My 2 DS are late teens now but just after I had them and was at home for a few weeks the midwife came round. She was surprised I was drinking a glass of white wine with lunch. To me it was nothing - it was only recently that I'd left work where a glass or 2 with clients at lunchtime was nothing out of the ordinary. Her issue seemed to be the time of day (not the amount). She referred me to the GP who then wanted to speak to me. I explained that to me there was nothing wrong with it, before being pregnant I'd worked a lot in France and 2-3 glasses of red with lunch wasn't unusual on some days. I felt they were uneasy about it, but ultimately they did nothing.

Of course you were drinking to much! Being referred to someone sounds over the top though.

PS strange thing is now that I haven't drunk any alcohol for 3 years as it's a migraine trigger for me.

Don’t think there’s anything wrong with drinking a glass or two. Ignore your midwife.

This is why I always lie about my alcohol intake. I have the occasional glass of wine. I tell HCP I’m teetotal. If you tell your GP or MW you drink any amount of alcohol they automatically think you are lying and treat you as if you have a problem. I would be very interested to hear what “this someone” has to say. The MW had probably lost your trust now and you probably won’t be candid with her in the future.

It will be because you were drinking over 14 units a week, which are the low risk guidelines, it will probably be automatic referral and I'm sure all will be fine once you tell them you've stopped.

To me I'd say anymore then 1 night a week drinking is too much. I would accept a glass or 2 every Friday or Saturday for example or even both if not getting drunk but no more than those 2 nights unless special occasions

You weren’t treated like an alcoholic. You were treated like a patient who met the NHS criteria for being referred to speak to someone about your alcohol consumption based on your own disclosure.

It’s weird on here, so many people get defensive about alcohol intake - there are posts on here already. Drinking every night or almost every night doesn’t mean alcoholic, no but it’s not good or healthy. It’s not normal for most people either. So I think it was the fact you said every night that maybe triggered off the referral to speak to someone. I wouldn’t worry about it OP, you’ve stopped drinking, you know you don’t have a problem. You don’t have to engage with any medical appointments that you don’t want either.

Would you have driven having had two gins? As that would put you over the limit.

I imagine it's because you said daily.

She probably has a tick box and drinking every day is a trigger. A pub measure of gin is 1 unit a 125ml glass of wine is 1.5 so that’s at least 14 units a week with gin, more if wine and let’s face it who pours pub measures at home?

Women are recommended no more than 14 a week, that’s why your answers have raised a concern.

It was too much, but not enough to justify NHS funds on any kind of intervention, especially if you've stopped now, IMO. I do wonder sometimes at the priorities for NHS funding.

@MotionActivatedDog

You weren’t treated like an alcoholic. You were treated like a patient who met the NHS criteria for being referred to speak to someone about your alcohol consumption based on your own disclosure.

Exactly this, your alcohol consumption hit a trigger for referral, I very much doubt you've been referred into a service for alcoholics.

I think the problem is you were honest and a person with an actual alcohol problem would downgrade what they drank to a couple per night. It's nothing to worry about- speak to the person, explain it takes you at least a fortnight to drink a bottle of spirit and you stopped the minute you found out you were pregnant and you intend to stay sober and you'll get instantly dismissed

I do think drinking most nights, if not every night is a problem. If it's not making you drunk, why bother? Why not have a coke or juice instead?

See it as a wake up call that alcoholism is actually pretty easy to fall into and reduce the frequency you drink.

Alcoholics aren't a strange pedigree of person. They are normal people who increased their drinking and it became a problem for them

How strange! Two gins a night (if you measure them) is within the guidelines of 14 units a week. Overreach by the midwife I’d say.

@ExpressDelivery

It was too much, but not enough to justify NHS funds on any kind of intervention, especially if you've stopped now, IMO. I do wonder sometimes at the priorities for NHS funding.

If early intervention from the NHS stops people getting to the point where they need medical intervention surely that's a good thing? Saves more money in the long term and suffering for the alcoholic and their family.

An here we go, you’ll get slated on here for admitting you enjoy a drink or two of a night. Some posters live for threads like this.

I think the midwife was being OTT but when I had my first appointment, I said I enjoyed a bottle of wine or two on the weekend (which I very much did) and she put it down as 6 units a week

@Roundearth

Well drinking every night isn't normal is it. its well above recommended amounts

Quite normal in the UK, where this poster probably, given the demographics of the site, lives. Not normal for someone who knows she is pregnant, but the OP is very clear she stopped in these circumstances.

Away wae yer misogynist anti-woman nonsense.

I reckon I was drinking similar to what you described OP before I got pregnant. For me it was a treat, similar to how some people eat cake/chocolate etc. I had strict rules around not drinking anything until my toddler was in bed and not if I was ever looking after him solo. But we're talking anywhere from 1-4 units a night (2 on average) and a unit takes around 1 hour to process, so for those wondering how people can drink a couple of drinks every night without being drunk... That's how.

Admittedly I did know exactly how much I was drinking though cause I would always measure spirits with a shot tender.

However I was never asked about drinking prior to pregnancy. At booking I was just asked what my current alcohol consumption was. I gave up drinking as soon as I found out I was pregnant which was about 10DPO cause I was tracking. I didn't have any issue giving it up but I guess I can see why they'd auto refer cause not everyone will be in the same position. I wouldn't worry too much OP, just let them know you've stopped and that it's not been an issue stopping. I can't imagine them doing much about it, what can they do if you've already given up?