Treated like an alcoholic by midwife?

[MyMabel]

Anyone else been in this situation?

Ok our telephone consultation appointment I was asked how much I drink prior to finding out I was pregnant - I said (honestly) I had about one or two gins every night, the occasion glass or two of wine instead. Couldn’t tell them in units as I have no idea.

I was never drunk, never drank until DP was home as we have a toddler DD so wanted to make sure if anything happened one of us can drive, plus I wouldn’t drink while solely responsible for her. - again, never drunk or even dizzy. Just a glass or two while watching telly before bed. I suppose with COVID and all I was just bored?

Anyway, was asked if I drank since finding out- said no, because I haven’t.

Come to my face to face appointment; Midwife explains that due to my alcohol intake before being pregnant I’ve been referred to speak to someone. I was in a bit of shock to ask questions and just said ok. But after I left I felt mortally embarrassed and now a bit worried they think I’ve got a drinking problem?!

Maybe I’m not BU in the sense that they could perhaps help someone who struggled with alcohol by doing this routinely.. but AIBU to think I really don’t need to speak to someone regarding what I drank in the evenings?

Did I really drink THAT much too much? I get it was too much and probably not healthy for my body.. but I don’t think it’s that bad?!

@BillieSpain

So you are feeling bad and come to MN for advice on alcohol consumption? YABU!

No, it is not too much, a couple of glasses of wine or gin and tonic? You've stopped now because you're pregnant.

Just go along, nod and smile and reafirm that of course you're not dinking now... what a waste of time!

This

Quite surprised any midwife has the capacity to do this tbh but there you go

I'm a specialist nurse in the drug and alcohol field. I would see someone like you and immediately refer you back out of service if you were happy with that and weren't struggling to stop and stay stopped. Don't worry OP, your midwife will have totted up your units (perhaps incorrectly, that happens a lot!) and some algorithm would have indicated you needed a referral. You can of course politely decline

None of their fucking business! (And I say this as someone who doesn't drink.)

I go through phases where I have a glass of wine a night for a week (my DH doesn't drink so when I open a bottle, I don't really want to waste it) and then maybe nothing for a few weeks, and then same again. I went five years without drinking (not for any particular reason, just planned to get pregnant and had DD and got out of the way of it a bit), but now I occasionally fancy a bottle of wine and spread it over a week or so.

I don't think drinking every day is an issue if it's a glass of wine or something with a meal or while cooking –only if you have issues giving it up (which seems unlikely with such a small volume of alcohol but who knows). My mum often had a glass of wine after work when I was a kid! There's a difference between 'can't get through the week without it' and 'can easily get through without it but why should I when I enjoy it?'

@AbsolutelyPatsy

it is a touchy subject

yup sure is. I'd be torn between telling her politely to mind her own beeswax as the drinking stopped months ago, and going along as a tick box. like I said though, if it's to a Wellbeing advisor they are probably desperate for referrals so the mw may have been told to push that particular service.

It sounds pretty normal if they are small glasses as less than 14 units a week. The trouble is that you didn't lie. If you don't drink during pregnancy so I would just refuse the referral.

It is probably a situation where they need to refer anyone who is drinking above the recommended unit allowance. That way they can catch anyone who might have a problem without having to make that judgement as to who has a problem or not themselves. It makes it more clear cut.

Itll have triggered a waening that she has had to act on. Drinking every night could be classed as deoendence, even at non binge levels. Dont panic , have the necessary conversation with the necessary person, and move on.

Let’s get this in perspective. 14 units a week is the recommended limit. So a small drink or two most days is likely within the limit.

It could quite easily be significantly over the limit if you pour generous measures, so you do need to be careful. But there’s nothing inherently terrible about having a drink most days.

I used to often have a G&T while making dinner and then a small glass of wine with the meal. They were genuinely small measures, it was more about the ritual than anything else. I very rarely drank significantly more than that so I think I was generally hovering around the recommended limit.

I don’t any more because I’ve now got health issues which are triggered by alcohol (amongst other things) but if it wasn’t for that I’d probably still be in a similar habit.

Also my 'home measures' are way smaller than bar measures!

The problem is that most people under evaluate how much they drink (or they automatically lie as @Belladonna12 said)

So someone who is drinking everyday two gins is more likely to drink 3 or 4. The ones who say it’s not everyday but more every other day are likely to drink everyday etc…

In that case, I don’t think it’s surprising that the MW referred you. Much better than she does than ignoring it and not offering support to so,done who might well struggle a lot and baby who ends up with FOS.

Mumsnet is not the place to talk about alcohol.

You get told you're drinking too much if you do anything more than lick a teaspoon of Christmas pudding...especially if you were born female...and if you have children...well, you're a raging alcoholic if you drive past an off licence with a window display.

A woman's body belongs to everyone but herself even on here, where you'd think other women would be too sick of that from personal experience but no, they do the same thing to other women.

Every single thread about booze goes exactly the same way.

On MN if you drink any alcohol at any time of the year you are straight away classed as an alcoholic unless sipping Prosecco with lunch every day!! Drinking alcohol every day in very small quantities is ok .I would be more concerned if you were binge drinking 3 times a week !

And before anyone assumes that I am a angry raging piss artist, I don't drink alcohol at all.

@sadperson16

Oh For Gods Sake, most people lie about it. It sound perfectly normal to me and a habit, one you can change.

Which pisses me off when I tell the truth and they ask 'Really?' because they're so used to people lying to them.

Yes, really.

'When did you last have a drink?'

Ummm, maybe March 2020? I think I might have had a couple of gins then. If it wasn't then, might have been January - oh, no, can't have been because I was ill around my birthday. Christmas 2019?'

'Oh. OK, then. Zero units, then'.

@PeterCorbeau

Also my 'home measures' are way smaller than bar measures!

I think you’re a rarity!

I was referred to a dietician because i had high sugar levels and confessed to having a hot chocolate with cream before my appointment. I was treating myself while my older kids were being looked after by someone else! Apparently this was enough to concern them (I was a healthy weight).

I nodded along, cancelled the appt and haven't had any issues in the 7 years since.

I do remember being embarrassed that they thought I couldn't manage my own diet though

@WhereHasAllTheYogurtGone

Mumsnet is not the place to talk about alcohol.

You get told you're drinking too much if you do anything more than lick a teaspoon of Christmas pudding...especially if you were born female...and if you have children...well, you're a raging alcoholic if you drive past an off licence with a window display.

A woman's body belongs to everyone but herself even on here, where you'd think other women would be too sick of that from personal experience but no, they do the same thing to other women.

Every single thread about booze goes exactly the same way.

No, it is completely normalised to be drinking a bottle of wine a night and told it isn't an issue. Drinking above recommended levels is positively encouraged on here, no one has said anything about never drinking at all, but yeah the tiresome licking of spoons, and thimbles is rolled out every time.

My DH practically never drinks and was challenged on it by doctors twice last year.

Just tell them you don’t consider one or two drinks a night any of their business. And anyway, were they gone measures? My home measures are measured with a measurer! They can’t force you to engage?

On MN you are an alcoholic if you have more than one glass of wine a week.

Spirits are an issue, but it doesn't sound ridiculously high to me, although above the same unit limit.

Anyway you are pregnant and you have stopped. She's being sanctimonious but that's par for the course for being pregnant - your sole purpose in life is to be an incubator for your baby and you are far too stupid to make your own decisions.

Don't fret OP. Just rise above the nonsense.

safe unit limit, not same

I think you’re a rarity!

Possibly! I don't like anything that tastes too alcoholic and I am terrible for leaving glasses half-full and wasting it. I always get a bit of a shock when I have a 'proper' measure nowadays

OP I was the same pre-pregnancy, would open a bottle of wine and have a glass with a meal, didn’t want to waste it so would drink the same bottle 3 nights on the bounce, then it was Friday, so I’d have a couple with DH, maybe a bottle, same for Sat.

Found out PG, stopped, have had the odd small glass of wine or a low alcohol cider here and there with no guilt or worry.

You can decline, you are your own woman. I wouldn’t tolerate a referral on that basis at all.

@WaterIsBest

Drinking 1 or 2 drinks every night would be classed as to much in the medical field

for a reason!