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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Treated like an alcoholic by midwife?

736 replies

MyMabel · 14/08/2021 17:45

Anyone else been in this situation?

Ok our telephone consultation appointment I was asked how much I drink prior to finding out I was pregnant - I said (honestly) I had about one or two gins every night, the occasion glass or two of wine instead. Couldn’t tell them in units as I have no idea.

I was never drunk, never drank until DP was home as we have a toddler DD so wanted to make sure if anything happened one of us can drive, plus I wouldn’t drink while solely responsible for her. - again, never drunk or even dizzy. Just a glass or two while watching telly before bed. I suppose with COVID and all I was just bored?

Anyway, was asked if I drank since finding out- said no, because I haven’t.

Come to my face to face appointment; Midwife explains that due to my alcohol intake before being pregnant I’ve been referred to speak to someone. I was in a bit of shock to ask questions and just said ok. But after I left I felt mortally embarrassed and now a bit worried they think I’ve got a drinking problem?!

Maybe I’m not BU in the sense that they could perhaps help someone who struggled with alcohol by doing this routinely.. but AIBU to think I really don’t need to speak to someone regarding what I drank in the evenings?

Did I really drink THAT much too much? I get it was too much and probably not healthy for my body.. but I don’t think it’s that bad?!

OP posts:
Peachee · 14/08/2021 18:56

Utter bollocks! My parents drank every night.. my mom one or two glasses of wine and my dad a couple of beers to relax and they are not alcoholics. What a crock of sh*t!

Charlotte2020 · 14/08/2021 18:56

I'll honest, I lied to my midwife! I'd normally drink similar to you, never felt drunk and drank with DH- didn't just come home and reach for booze. I said about 6units a week- I just didn't want to be told off! BlushHalo

Original poster
MyMabel · 14/08/2021 18:57

Mix of views here which is fair enough but it’s nice to know I’m not being totally unreasonable and there are people that agree!

OP posts:
Nocutenamesleft · 14/08/2021 18:58

It’s quite a lot. People tend to under exaggerate it too. So if you were. Which you’ve now backtracked and said you were exaggerating.

Blood tests can show blood alcohol levels. So I wouldn’t lie and say you’re teetotal. Something to do with certain bio markers. I mean there’s the obvious PEth levels. But there’s also other levels that can tell over longer periods. Blood cell size is a good one along with other testing

I’d have an honest talk with whomever they’ve referred you too. It might help your case.

IceLace100 · 14/08/2021 18:59

I think people tend to think there are 2 categories of people when it comes to alcohol:

  1. Sensible normal people who mostly drink a normal small amount and
  1. Full blown alcoholics.

In fact there is a whole group of people who fall somewhere in between.

For example, at uni I was defo a problem binge drinker. I wouldn't say I was an alcoholic because I wasn't physically dependant. Doesn't mean it wasn't problem drinking.

OP, you probably fall somewhere in the middle too (but much closer to "normal" than my uni binges!)

Where this is the case it's kind of tricky for the NHS to know what to do. They probably work on a "when in doubt refer" basis.

Blue4YOU · 14/08/2021 18:59

All one ever sees on here is preachy stuff about alcohol consumption or defending it.
I drink.
Had absolutely no problem not drinking if TTC (but also only managed to get pregnant when I wasn’t TTC and had a few more than I should have).
Everyone has their own reasons for drinking too much - and it’s usually habit - but I’m failing to see how it’s a sensible approach to try to get the OP to stop drinking… when she already has!
It would be different if she said she’d always drank, every night, all her life rather than during lockdown I got bored and drank more than I would but I wasn’t massively overshooting the 14 units per week…
Op go, or not, to the referral but honestly there’s nothing that can be done about what went before.
You sound like a very aware and sensible person, who told the truth about your alcohol consumption prior to pregnancy, you aren’t drinking now. All good

AlexandraQueen · 14/08/2021 19:00

Fairly certain most people underestimate when talking about alcohol consumption so 1 to 2 drinks a night would actually mean 3 or 4 drinks a night for most people, therefore probably alcoholic level.

beigebrownblue · 14/08/2021 19:02

Presumably you have a right to say 'yes' or 'no thankyou' to interventions you don't believe are warranted.

I didn't touch a drop of alcohol when I was pregnant, but do enjoy my wine sometimes.

I would say 'no thankyou' I think. You would be surprised perhaps if you have never been pregnant before how many tests or interventions are offered when they carry inherent risks and really you do need to take charge and decide for yourself which ones are useful, wise and helpful.

If you are confident that you can be teetotal in pregnancy, why would you need it? Wouldn't you rather spend that few hours going for a massage instead, or a swim even?

MurielSpriggs · 14/08/2021 19:03

@Nocutenamesleft

It’s quite a lot. People tend to under exaggerate it too. So if you were. Which you’ve now backtracked and said you were exaggerating.

Blood tests can show blood alcohol levels. So I wouldn’t lie and say you’re teetotal. Something to do with certain bio markers. I mean there’s the obvious PEth levels. But there’s also other levels that can tell over longer periods. Blood cell size is a good one along with other testing

I’d have an honest talk with whomever they’ve referred you too. It might help your case.

I’d have an honest talk with whomever they’ve referred you too. It might help your case.

What case? She's not up on a charge in the magistrates' court and having to come clean and throw herself on the mercy of the judge! It's none of their fucking business!

museumum · 14/08/2021 19:05

I use a single measure for my g&t. So if I said I have 1-2 each night that literally is 7-14 units a week. Definitely not a problem amount. Strictly measured for calorie reasons.
I think the problem is you showed in your answer to the MW that you don’t have good awareness of units. You could be drinking twice the amount I do and with your vague answer she has to err on the side of caution.

Blossomtoes · 14/08/2021 19:06

@x2boys

I wouldnt ask this question on mumsnet, half a glass s of wine /week would make you a raging alcoholic according to mumsnet.
This.

The problem might be that you were truthful. Because of the current puritanical attitude towards alcohol just about everyone halves the amount they actually drink when a HCP asks them. I definitely used to be economical with the truth when asked how many cigarettes I smoked.

FuckMeGentlyWithAChainsaw · 14/08/2021 19:06

I’m assuming it’s because it’s above recommended levels/there’s a threshold that you’ve crossed where the midwife is meant to make some kind of referral?

For the record I don’t think what you're describing is unusual but I too got in the habit of drinking (but not getting drunk) every evening during lockdown and decided to cut right back- I actually stopped completely for several months- because I decided I was drinking too often. Try not to be embarrassed I’m sure you’re not the only mum to be in this situation.

LocalHobo · 14/08/2021 19:09

You were more honest than me.

Away wae yer misogynist anti-woman nonsense.
This ^

ancientgran · 14/08/2021 19:09

@AlexandraQueen

Fairly certain most people underestimate when talking about alcohol consumption so 1 to 2 drinks a night would actually mean 3 or 4 drinks a night for most people, therefore probably alcoholic level.
I think this is true. I've sat and watched friends/family drink, I was sober as I don't drink. People would tell me they only had 2 or 3 and I'd assure them they had actually had 5 or 6. Generally people wouldn't accept that.

Hard for medical people to know exactly.

theThreeofWeevils · 14/08/2021 19:12

It might help your case

What 'case'? There is no 'case', ffs. 'I sentence you to 9 months + hard labour' Grin

So much sanctimonious claptrap.

Upwherethebirdsfly · 14/08/2021 19:12

Crikey - I’m surprised by responses to this. I rarely drink (2 / 3 drinks per month) but, whilst appreciating 2 gins a night is too much for your liver and above guidelines, I know plenty of people who do drink that much. Surprised how many people seem outraged. I would have thought a supportive conversation with the midwife was much better than an anxiety approving referral to someone else. Especially in the current climate with addiction services being utterly maxed. Take it as your wake-up and think through what you need to do not to go back to that after the birth of your baby, then move on. Politely decline the referral if you would rather not discuss it.

Soverymuchfruit · 14/08/2021 19:13

I think that will work out as too many units. Can you try to view the appointment you have scheduled as a passive opportunity to find out a bit more about healthy amounts and why the unit limits are what they are?

CutePanda · 14/08/2021 19:14

It’s not normal to drink alcohol every night. You’ve built a tolerance which is why you “don’t feel drunk.” Especially as you’re eyeballing measurements of gin.

toocold54 · 14/08/2021 19:19

Drinking 2 gins every night is way over the recommended amount and as you said it was regularly it may have come across like you are dependent on it.

If I wasn’t watching my calories/sugar intake I would 100% happily have 2 gins a night and not have an alcohol dependency issue. But they are just doing their job making sure you have the right support if you need it.

toocold54 · 14/08/2021 19:20

Fairly certain most people underestimate when talking about alcohol consumption so 1 to 2 drinks a night would actually mean 3 or 4 drinks a night for most people, therefore probably alcoholic level.

I completely agree!
When I go to a bar I’m always shocked how small the units are and I know I put at least double that in at hole.

veeeeh · 14/08/2021 19:21

Women have all these rules to obey don't they? I realise the rationale behind the MW finding out about drinking habits, but are the male of the species put through the same wringer I wonder? The OP does not drink now that she is pregnant.

The men will also be raising a child where they are married or in a relationship surely. But no.... women can't do anything wrong or else. I am sick of the judgment of women during pregnancy.

Pallisers · 14/08/2021 19:22

I thought all health professionals mentally doubled whatever alcohol intake is reported to them.

SquirryTheSquirrel · 14/08/2021 19:23

Probably an urban myth but I was once told HCPs routinely assume you are underestimating the amount you drink.

B1rthis · 14/08/2021 19:23

Did your midwife gain your consent before making the referral?
Did she explain what details she forwarded of YOURS or just that you're a raving alcoholic in her medical opinion?
Did you clarify who else she shared your details with? For example your DD is under the age of 6 so a health visiting team may receive a copy of the referral about you.
Do they feel that your child that you're carying for is at risk of neglect and want to look into removal/social care interventions at birth?
These would be the best questions to be asking as you've declared that you drink spirits daily.

MurielSpriggs · 14/08/2021 19:26

Women have all these rules to obey don't they?

To be fair men have "rules" about alcohol too. I suspect men are more likely to disregard interfering busybodies though!