Treated like an alcoholic by midwife?

[MyMabel]

Anyone else been in this situation?

Ok our telephone consultation appointment I was asked how much I drink prior to finding out I was pregnant - I said (honestly) I had about one or two gins every night, the occasion glass or two of wine instead. Couldn’t tell them in units as I have no idea.

I was never drunk, never drank until DP was home as we have a toddler DD so wanted to make sure if anything happened one of us can drive, plus I wouldn’t drink while solely responsible for her. - again, never drunk or even dizzy. Just a glass or two while watching telly before bed. I suppose with COVID and all I was just bored?

Anyway, was asked if I drank since finding out- said no, because I haven’t.

Come to my face to face appointment; Midwife explains that due to my alcohol intake before being pregnant I’ve been referred to speak to someone. I was in a bit of shock to ask questions and just said ok. But after I left I felt mortally embarrassed and now a bit worried they think I’ve got a drinking problem?!

Maybe I’m not BU in the sense that they could perhaps help someone who struggled with alcohol by doing this routinely.. but AIBU to think I really don’t need to speak to someone regarding what I drank in the evenings?

Did I really drink THAT much too much? I get it was too much and probably not healthy for my body.. but I don’t think it’s that bad?!

@FelicityPike

Yeah that’s a bit much. Sorry.

Is it fuck. My dad has had 3 pints every single night of my life and I’m 42 and he is as fit as a butchers dog.

I would think though not unusual it IS more than is a healthy intake of alcohol. You told the truth (good) and are shocked to discover it's considered an issue by the guidelines the midwife follows. She doesn't make this stuff up.

Hopefully this will give you pause for thought about your alcohol intake. Which is the right thing for you to hear.

When I was pg with dd (she's 22) my obstetrician said "you know if you usually have a stiff g&t, bearing in mind this is a high risk pregnancy and if it helps with stress, you carry on my dear - it will do no harm". It did no harm.

I stopped paying attention to midwives when I realised they all contradicted each other and were incapable of recording what they were told accurately and couldn't tell the position of the baby in labour

Did you measure the spirits though? Home measures are usually on the generous side.

I agree with pp who say the English have an odd relationship with booze, we’re a hard drinking nation who think it’s normal but it’s not and it does impact your health. There’s a direct link to breast cancer from alcohol.

One of our relatives drank heavily, stopped one day with no ill effects but that doesn’t mean they weren’t an alcoholic. They had no choice about drinking before a massive health scare made them think they were about to die.

I used to work alongside a Wellbeing organisation and they had an alcohol advisor for people who drank above 14 but below 30 units a week. They were consistenly under-referred to, under occupied and bored.

As it's not a problem till its a problem iyswim, no clients wanted to talk to him really.

op said it wasn't always every night. and it's not happening now. (is it just me or have midwives been overstretching their mark recently?)

I'd politely refuse the referral if I were you.

I found out very late that I was pregnant, the first question a midwife asked was about alcohol. I was honest and said I'd had a few very big nights on red wine. She said not too worry they are more concerned with consistent drinking like more than 4 evenings a week. I think from what you said you would for into this, your body is dependent on it even if you don't realise.

You've told the midwife you drink 2 glasses of gin or wine every night. That's a lot and she would have been wrong not to act. There is usually a drug and alcohol liaison midwife who supports women that drink a lot; she'll be kind, non-judgemental and will refer you back to the community midwife if she determines you weren't drinking as much as was first thought, and have stopped completely since you found out you were pregnant. Don't worry about it.

it is probably just a tick boxing exercise.
and you have stopped now so it seems pointless but it has given you food for thought for once the lo arrives.

I suspect you are right, and it’s the fact you told her you drink every night that was the red flag. A couple of single gins is within the limits.

you do know that although she may have to refer you, you can refuse to go?

Drinking every day isn't great op. Sadly our culture has completely normalised alcohol. Sounds like they are just being cautious.

Hi 25mls gin is 1 unit. I don’t know anyone who pours 25ml measure at home. Often 2 to 3 times that so if you had 2 x 50mls per night that’s 4 units x 7 = 28 which is double recommended amount and she will have assumed you have under reported plus a risk when you are not having a couple of alcohol free days per week.

I was quite heartened to read that this triggered a discussion with you about alcohol and offer of support. That’s a good response from NHS.

she probably doubled the amount in her estimation
and to admit to drinking every night is pushing it a bit, the guidelines are to have alcohol free nights.

If they were genuine measures, 1 -2 per night would be 7-14 a week, so drinking right up to the maximum recommended intake. However, studies have demonstrated that most home measures are at least double, therefore at a minimum your were drinking the maximum recommended intake every week, possibly even double it (28 units) which is a worrying amount for anyone.

Well done for stopping straight away given how much your were consuming, but I think accessing the support and being open minded would be good for you so that you don't slip down this slope again after you baby is born.

Does no one have measures at home 🙄 we do, so when we pour a double it is a standard 50ml pub double. Love how certain posters are saying just because you make a gin at home you’re pouring in a quarter of a bottle of Bombay sapphire without realising it

does your partner drink every night op?

So you are feeling bad and come to MN for advice on alcohol consumption? YABU!

No, it is not too much, a couple of glasses of wine or gin and tonic? You've stopped now because you're pregnant.

Just go along, nod and smile and reafirm that of course you're not dinking now... what a waste of time!

Seems OTT to me. It's not like you are drinking now pregnant.

You could just say "No thank you". I would.

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

On MN you're an alcoholic if you have anything more than a thimble full of Sherry at Christmas. But IMO a couple of glasses of wine a night is absolutely fine.

However there are sadly many people who DO have alcohol issues and it's a chance to capture that and offer support as it may be the only opportunity a professional like a midwife can get to say they'll support an alcoholic. Don't worry too much - it's designed to help you not hinder you. Good luck OP!

^ this

Oh For Gods Sake, most people lie about it.
It sound perfectly normal to me and a habit, one you can change.

To be fair most people lie about how much they drink. Like they downplay it. So to her you might be drinking more than that. It'll just be a routine trying to catch people so they don't fall through the net

it is a touchy subject

You said every night, they thought you meant every night. They aren't mind readers that you actually meant 3 nights/fortnight.

Maybe, be glad they are attentive to finding women who really are alkies?

If you can't get the week without 90% of it having alcohol I'd personally class you as a functioning alcoholic

@MyMabel

I say every night but that’s probably a slight exaggeration; it was regular, but not every single night without fail- I mean I didn’t make it a nightly ritual. Maybe one week every night, then 2/3 nights the next.

But that isn’t what you said to the me and it isn’t what you wrote in your initial post. Maybe alcohol is affecting your memory!!!!!!