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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my daughter change her name?

510 replies

katherine1983 · 14/08/2021 16:09

My daughter wants to change her name to Rose, however I believe she should keep her birth name until the age of 18. I’m aware she can change it without my permission as she’s 16 however I’m hoping she wouldn’t as she knows I’m unhappy with it. It was the name I chose for her and I do believe her reasoning for wanting to change her name (too masculine) is wrong. Shes been using Rose as her name with some of her school friends and her online friends for over a year.

OP posts:
speakout · 14/08/2021 17:08

OP it will be far easier for her to change it now than in future years.
If she waits it will be even more complicated- Univerity, bank accounts, ccredit cards, rent or mortgage agreements, driving licence- the lst goes on.
I think she is wise to change it before adult life gets complicated.

Jossbow · 14/08/2021 17:09

Would she compromise , and in order to keep things like Certificates & Such in a name with will go through life with her, to perhaps

Kody-Rose, know as Rose.

Would perhaps help tie things like birth cert to such as driving licence in the future simply

Tanfastic · 14/08/2021 17:09

If she had a more common name I could maybe understand you being a bit miffed she'd want to change it but now you've told us her name I can fully understand why she wants to change it.

My dh changed his name at 16 to a really common man's name as he was christened a very unusual name which was ridiculous and he got the piss taken out of him all throughout his school years. He still gets called it by close family ,members which always makes me chuckle a bit tbh.

chaosmaker · 14/08/2021 17:09

Rose is a beautiful name and you are VVVVVU not to let her change it now. It doesn't matter if you are hurt or whatever. It is the name she wants and is already using. You should be supporting her, not worrying about the awful name you want her to keep.

P91a · 14/08/2021 17:10

She's been using it since 13/14 so I think Yabu, this is not a whim that could change. I think you should support the name change and not make her wait, she's using it anyway so why not get it done officially.

Original poster
katherine1983 · 14/08/2021 17:10

I think one of the reasons her dad is so supportive is due to Rose being used multiple times on his side of the family in different forms. If it were another name I think he’d disagree. She’s hell bent that she’s changing it as she’s looking for people to sign her deed poll.

OP posts:
mogtheexcellent · 14/08/2021 17:10

No ownder she wants to change it - you clearly picked the wrong name. If you pick an 'out there' name you cant expect child to like it.

Let her change it. Rose is lovely and she can always change it back.

ViciousJackdaw · 14/08/2021 17:11

I don't blame her. I know I shouldn't think like this but Kody sounds like a troublemakers name. Rose is very nice though, I've never met a nasty Rose, they've all been good eggs.

Whatever she wants to call herself, the most important thing here is her happiness. I wish Rose all the best in this new chapter of her life.

KurtWilde · 14/08/2021 17:11

It's her name, not yours. She's the one who has to live with it, introduce herself etc. I changed mine at 16 because it's mine to change.

BeenThruMoreThanALilBit · 14/08/2021 17:13

She’ll have bank accounts, passport, driving licence, IDs, NHS records, employer references etc starting to accumulate soon.

I would make her wait until she’s 17 so that she’s absolutely sure she wants to change it, and also that she wants to change it to Rose, then help her with the paperwork. Be open about all this. It’s only a year in what will hopefully be a very long life.

FuckingFlumps · 14/08/2021 17:13

@katherine1983

I think one of the reasons her dad is so supportive is due to Rose being used multiple times on his side of the family in different forms. If it were another name I think he’d disagree. She’s hell bent that she’s changing it as she’s looking for people to sign her deed poll.
Or maybe he has realised its her decision and trying to put his foot down is not going to stop her proceeding, it's only going to sully their relationship.
Original poster
katherine1983 · 14/08/2021 17:13

She’s also not going to use Kody as a mn as she’s decided she wants to use her dads mums name Josephine as a middle. I wouldn’t mind her changing the middle of her name but the first just seems off.

OP posts:
lannistunut · 14/08/2021 17:16

I think YABU, let her change it.

2021V2 · 14/08/2021 17:17

Do it now. It will be easier -as her name on her A level certificates etc and GCSE certificate can be changed quickly -and ask for them to be reprinted.

The age limit is 16 not 18 -so she can do it herself.

My youngest will turn 16 in January their surname is mine and my ex husbands -husband is refusing to let them drop his surname. Child wants to do it -I said wait until January and then do it by deed poll -done -then we will inform school so GCSEs certificates etc are in the right name.

thedancingbear · 14/08/2021 17:17

Cody/Kody is a boy's name. it just is.

YABU

TheGenealogist · 14/08/2021 17:18

@katherine1983

For those asking too, her name is Kody.
Let the girl change her name.

Cody is a boy's name. Kody is a misspelling. Rose is much much nicer.

SionnachRua · 14/08/2021 17:19

But why does it matter whether changing her first name seems off to you? It's her name. I get that it feels like a rejection of your choice - well, it is - but she's a human being, not a doll. She's entitled to make her own choices.

EveningOverRooftops · 14/08/2021 17:19

You’re being controlling.

I changed my name at 16 and still use it.

There’s multiple reasons why I did

LookItsMeAgain · 14/08/2021 17:20

Do you mind me asking why you picked Kody as her name to begin with?

Lindy2 · 14/08/2021 17:20

I'm with you OP.

My daughter is 13 and wants to change her name. We've also said no until she is 18. She has her friends using her different name although we still use the name we gave her.

I know there's a lot of people who think this should be the child's choice and I've had people tell me to embrace her new identity. However, we aren't at all sure she's making these decisions for the right reasons. She's trying to reinvent herself to escape from some recent problems she's had. A new name doesn't solve the problem. She also has ADHD and therefore is very impulsive. She makes decisions with absolutely no thinking through at all.

13 is simply too young in our opinion. I think I'd feel the same at 16.

18 is the age of legal responsibility for a reason. Before that children don't have the maturity to really appreciate the full implications of what they're doing. For exactly the same reasons we'd also say no to tattoos or body piercings before age 18.

SallyDontTouchThatPie · 14/08/2021 17:21

My first name is not the same as my birth certificate and was changed by deed poll with my parents' blessing. They completely understood the reasons that I wanted to change it. They and my siblings called by my chosen name from day one, it was difficult for a couple of months where they would slip up and correct themselves.

You know why your daughter doesn't like her name, Kody is typically a boy's name. Start calling your daughter Rose. She has been using it for a while. Let her change it now. That way any certificates for her education can be put into her new name.

If she has just sat her GCSEs then there may be time to get her certificate name changed as they haven't been issued yet.

To feel like your name doesn't fit you or you dislike it is an awful feeling. Her Dad is supportive and you are the one who is not. This could cause a huge rift between you because you are the one preventing her changing it.

SixesAndEights · 14/08/2021 17:21

If she can change it without your permission then you can hardly not allow it.

If she loves Rose Josephine I can see why she dislikes the name you chose.

Regularsizedrudy · 14/08/2021 17:22

Why did you call her Kody?

Original poster
katherine1983 · 14/08/2021 17:22

There’s no reason for Kody, I just liked it. I just think most people without knowing why she changed it would think she was trying to run from something.

OP posts:
guessmyusername · 14/08/2021 17:23

Before my dd was born my dh wanted to name her Cody. No particular reason, he just liked it. When I looked it up in a baby names book I discovered that one of the meanings was cushion. It was then a "no" from me as I didn't want her to be sat on.

You chose her name at the time for your reasons, now she wants to change it, let her.

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