Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my daughter change her name?

510 replies

katherine1983 · 14/08/2021 16:09

My daughter wants to change her name to Rose, however I believe she should keep her birth name until the age of 18. I’m aware she can change it without my permission as she’s 16 however I’m hoping she wouldn’t as she knows I’m unhappy with it. It was the name I chose for her and I do believe her reasoning for wanting to change her name (too masculine) is wrong. Shes been using Rose as her name with some of her school friends and her online friends for over a year.

OP posts:
Pemba · 14/08/2021 17:35

Sorry but you did a bad job with naming her in the first place. A faddy boys' name, plus a weird spelling too.

It's her life. Let her fix your mistake.

PattyPan · 14/08/2021 17:35

@gogohm

Let her it's her life. And I hope some of the many posters suggesting weird and masculine names for daughters to be are reading this. Wacky doesn't always go down with the recipient
This! I was semi with you about the qualifications point OP but if my name was Kody I wouldn’t want to wait either. Don’t give your kids weird names, people.
alexdgr8 · 14/08/2021 17:36

when i registered for the o-levels i made a conscious decision to change my name slightly. i was 15. didn't consult or inform anyone. just did it.
was aware that my name would go down on any certs like that.
so that's it. ever since. various certs, and everything official.

don't fret OP. rose will grow on you. get her a big box of them, chocs, to shew no ill feeling.

Original poster
katherine1983 · 14/08/2021 17:36

Her father doesn’t like Kody much either, I think he’s rather pleased as Rose goes better with their last name. I do understand that I can’t stop her as she can change it without parents permission and Ill have to accept it. I hope i’ll still be able to call her Kody but if not i’ll try with her new name.

OP posts:
grapewine · 14/08/2021 17:36

You need to get over it. She has told you why.

She has said that some people assume her to be male when they are first meeting her, same with some school staff asking for a boy when needing her for things.

This must have been so bloody annoying.

TheGoodEnoughWife · 14/08/2021 17:37

Let her change it. This is not the hill to die on.

And for those suggesting it isn't possible before 18, my daughter changed her surname (dropped one of the double barrel parts - which counts as fully 'changing') when she was around 15, instead of deed poll you use a 'Change of Name Deed' - this has been everything she has needed and she is now 21 and has her passport, driving license, etc in her new name. We used a solicitor and we have this deed as proof of the name change.

SilverOtter · 14/08/2021 17:37

I think you should respect her choices.

I changed my name at the start of high school (only to go by my middle name so not a complete change!). My mum refused to call me by my 'new' name for many years and it did cause friction between us at the time.

BlueJag · 14/08/2021 17:37

I can see that her original name is super cute and original but ultimately she isn't identifying with it.
I'll find it difficult but I'll support her. Maybe talk to her about you wanting to still address her by her original name?
I'm sure your heart it's bleeding but it's her choice.

Movinghouseatlast · 14/08/2021 17:37

To be fair she is running from a pretty awful name and I think most people would get that.

My friend also had an awful name. She changed it. Everyone knew it was because the name she had been given was awful.

MajesticWhine · 14/08/2021 17:38

OP, support your daughter's choice.

Whinge · 14/08/2021 17:38

@katherine1983

She’s also not going to use Kody as a mn as she’s decided she wants to use her dads mums name Josephine as a middle. I wouldn’t mind her changing the middle of her name but the first just seems off.
Why does it seem off?

Your posts make it clear you resent the fact she doesn't like the name you chose. Rather than making it all about you, why not think about how she feels. No one suddenly decides to change their name on a whim, and her reasons for changing it make a lot more sense than your lack of reasons why you think she shouldnt make the change. It's clear she's been going by Rose for some time now, so is unlikely to change her mind. Perhaps you should support her rather than opposing a decision you have no say in.

bloodywhitecat · 14/08/2021 17:40

I knew a Jan-Yves, as soon as he was old enough he changed his name (much to his father's disgust), the fact that his dad was so against his name cha damaged their relationship forever.

happydays2345 · 14/08/2021 17:41

Kody is a horrifying name

Original poster
katherine1983 · 14/08/2021 17:41

I do feel bad about people thinking she’s a boy at first. Especially with some of them being her teachers. I just hope she’s happy with her choice once she has changed it, wouldn't want her to stress over a second change. She does seem happy with the name Rose.

OP posts:
KurtWilde · 14/08/2021 17:43

Why would she let you still call her kody? That won't be her name anymore.

lunar1 · 14/08/2021 17:43

Why would you continue to call her Kody if she is so adamant she wants to change it.

Honestly I cringe every time someone wants to give their child a stupid spelling, I was lumbered with one too and I wish I was as independent as your daughter and changed mine too.

ChavDiningHalls · 14/08/2021 17:44

@mklanch

could she not pick kaydee instead? very similar but more feminine ?
Just no.

Rose is a nice name.

godmum56 · 14/08/2021 17:45

I mean how are you going to stop her?

SleepingStandingUp · 14/08/2021 17:45

You're seeing this as a personal rejection op.

"I picked Kody and you're rejecting it which means you're rejecting me!"

She's not, shes just brave enough to say what lots of people think and to do something about it

PostMenWithACat · 14/08/2021 17:45

I wish her well op. Better to do it ASAP before things like driving licenses, bank accounts, etc have to be changed.

GreenBiro · 14/08/2021 17:46

Rose….

Pros…

Definitely a feminine name
Family connections
She likes it
Much more conventional
Doesn’t result in mistaken identity
No physical or mental harm arising

Cons
You don’t like it
It hurts that she doesn’t like the name you gave her

If this was the other way around I’d be with you OP.

But I think YABU.

Bimblybomeyelash · 14/08/2021 17:46

If she wants to change her name then that is her choice. Many many people decide on their own nicknames as they get older. Eg someone called Katherine by their parents may go by Kate or Kat or Katie or Kitty to their friends. But I guess Kody doesn’t really have any nicknames so If your child really dislikes it then it’s fair enough to Choose something totally different. And I don’t mean to offend you OP, but I think that many people would prefer Rose to Kody. Rose is a popular name, but also a pretty neutral one. Kody is unusual and not exactly a classic.

godmum56 · 14/08/2021 17:47

@katherine1983

Her father doesn’t like Kody much either, I think he’s rather pleased as Rose goes better with their last name. I do understand that I can’t stop her as she can change it without parents permission and Ill have to accept it. I hope i’ll still be able to call her Kody but if not i’ll try with her new name.
do, do not do there is no "try"
acolderwar · 14/08/2021 17:47

If I had been allowed by my mum to change my name when I was 16 I definitely would have. I would later have berated her for letting me go ahead and change my name, after inevitably going off it. I also would have had loads of shit tattoos that I would have hated after a year or so, and wouldn't have done A levels, saved any money and just generally would have made loads of choices I would live to regret.

TheGenealogist · 14/08/2021 17:48

@mklanch

could she not pick kaydee instead? very similar but more feminine ?
Kaydee is equally awful.

She has decided that she wants to be Rose. Kody, not Kaydee, not Kayleigh, not Kay-anything. ROSE.

Swipe left for the next trending thread