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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my daughter change her name?

510 replies

katherine1983 · 14/08/2021 16:09

My daughter wants to change her name to Rose, however I believe she should keep her birth name until the age of 18. I’m aware she can change it without my permission as she’s 16 however I’m hoping she wouldn’t as she knows I’m unhappy with it. It was the name I chose for her and I do believe her reasoning for wanting to change her name (too masculine) is wrong. Shes been using Rose as her name with some of her school friends and her online friends for over a year.

OP posts:
Tessabelle74 · 15/08/2021 17:53

Her name, her choice. I understand your reluctance as choosing a name takes so long with lots of thought for most of us, but it's just a name and changes nothing in reality.

ElleMac44 · 15/08/2021 17:53

It's not a big deal in the great scheme of things, maybe she could keep her original name as her middle name.

changedusername2021 · 15/08/2021 17:56

I know of a Rosie Jo real name Rosemary Joanna. It goes well.

Original poster
katherine1983 · 15/08/2021 17:57

She’s already picked her middle name; Josephine. Kody didn’t stand a chance as her middle as she had already chosen both her first and middle
before telling me. I understand she doesn’t like it and she’s made her choice so I won’t ask her to reconsider

OP posts:
LipstickLou · 15/08/2021 18:00

You know a name is just words. My daughter wants to be called a male name. If that was just that it would d be OK with me. Her aunt, granny, great granny etc. have the same name, I have three versions of my name in use daily. Family, work and friends. She is having a tattoo the week after next for her 18th, i don't agree, I won't pay for it but her father and I wont stop her. She will be an adult. Life is too short and precious to worry about a name or a piecing or tattoo. My daughter had a terrible school life, i am just glad she is here. Call your daughter Father Christmas if it makes her happy. Tis just a name.

Oldtiredfedup · 15/08/2021 18:00

YABVU - one of the many reasons I have no contact with my mother: she INSISTED on the whole family calling me by the shortened version of my name - even when I was an adult.

AlexaShutUp · 15/08/2021 18:05

@katherine1983

She’s already picked her middle name; Josephine. Kody didn’t stand a chance as her middle as she had already chosen both her first and middle before telling me. I understand she doesn’t like it and she’s made her choice so I won’t ask her to reconsider
Well done, OP. I get that it's hard to come to terms with the change. Regardless of whatever anyone on here might think of your taste in names, I'm sure you chose the name in good faith because you liked it. And it must be hard to get used to her being called something else when you lovingly chose something different for her.

She is the one who has to live with the name, though, so the most important thing is for her to be happy with it. Nobody else's view really matters. It's great that you are willing to set your personal feelings aside in order to respect and support her choice. She will appreciate it.

BRDouble · 15/08/2021 18:08

Why are people being so harsh? I get their points but OP chose this name for her beautiful baby girl and it’s completely understandable she’d be feeling a certain way about it being changed

OVienna · 15/08/2021 18:10

This is a perfectly reasonable request. "Kody" was a risky choice for a girl from the off. She will do it, regardless of your views on it. If you want to foster a good relationship with her into adulthood (and perhaps be privy to other discussions about big life choices), I'd support her.

Bard6817 · 15/08/2021 18:13

Some can handle a masculine name, some cant.

Let her be her.

Blackalice · 15/08/2021 18:28

My 13yo changed their name when they were 9. They had been called the new name since they were 6 at their request and we just made it legal at 9. It is their name and their business, not yours. I think you need to let go of the offence you feel about it and think of your relationship with them.

CharlieBear20 · 15/08/2021 18:30

Honestly I can see a lot of kids in the future doing the same. Like the poor baby I recently stumbled upon called...wait for it...'Carrot'. No lie. And he's ginger. Some parents just don't seem to think of the future consequences when naming a kid. Did you really not think Kody would be often mistaken as a boys name?

007Stocko · 15/08/2021 18:36

Whilst it makes some sense to wait until she has all her qualifications in the same name that means they would be in her old name going forward. An employer will generally only be interested in her higher qualifications and that would be easier if they were in her new name.

She will have proper paperwork to prove the name change so shouldn't be an issue, but simply talk to her about it and make sure she understands your thoughts, then let her make her own judgement call on it.

OnionsAreToxic · 15/08/2021 18:39

I used to know a family whose sons were called Kameron, Kai, and Kody.
I felt really sorry for them. Unsurprisingly, none have gone on to study at university.

AlexaShutUp · 15/08/2021 18:43

@OnionsAreToxic

I used to know a family whose sons were called Kameron, Kai, and Kody. I felt really sorry for them. Unsurprisingly, none have gone on to study at university.
Sorry, but that's just a silly snide comment which makes you look a bit stupid. I don't like those names either, they are not to my taste at all, but let's lose the snobbery ffs. Having worked in a university, I can assure you that there are plenty of students with names like that.
Halfwreckedbykids · 15/08/2021 18:44

I can see her reasoning. There's going to be a lot of kids doing it in the next 10 years.
Kody is a lovely name but for a boy and she's not a boy.
It's not a rejection of you but she's got a right to be happy.
Don't let this be the sword you fall on.
Wouldn't it be better to support her.
She's gone traditional with her choice and it's a lovely name...its not like she want to be called something outrageous

Iwantcauliflowercheese · 15/08/2021 18:53

My DD changed her name at 16. The school was super helpful. All her exam certificates, GCSE, AS, A levels, degrees and masters are all in her new name.

A girl I know has changed hers from a cutesy, very popular flower name to something more classic. She was bullied a lot for her original name.

AngryWhompingWillow · 15/08/2021 18:56

@katherine1983

She’s already picked her middle name; Josephine. Kody didn’t stand a chance as her middle as she had already chosen both her first and middle before telling me. I understand she doesn’t like it and she’s made her choice so I won’t ask her to reconsider
'Rose Josephine' sounds weird.

Rose is nice, and better than Kody though. Kody is defo a boys name IMO.

Mollymoostoo · 15/08/2021 18:56

She is not rejecting you as her mother by changing her name. She is just figuring out her own identity and as others have said, if she is already known as Rose, the chances are she won't change her mind again. I would suggest she waits till her passport expires so you avoide costs of renewal as all documents have to be changed.
In terms of qualifications being in the same name, bit of a silly reason as what if she got married and changed her name? She just needs to keep her proof of name change with the certificates. I changed my name about 12 years ago and send in my evidence of name change and marriage cert when I have to provide educational certs.

LipstickLou · 15/08/2021 18:58

Just to add something in for the generation xz they prefer non gender typical names.

I never judge a name when employing however I have a very competent employee with an exotic dancers first name! Shocked me as she is the opposite in personality and demeanour.

CallMeNutribullet · 15/08/2021 19:03

This is why you should think hard before giving your child a name that's "trendy"/unique/unusual. Your child's name belongs to them and they'll live with it forever.

The other day a woman on one of the witchy Facebook groups I'm on asked about calling her son Lucifer! About 500 people told her not to be a tit.

AngryWhompingWillow · 15/08/2021 19:04

@CallMeNutribullet

This is why you should think hard before giving your child a name that's "trendy"/unique/unusual. Your child's name belongs to them and they'll live with it forever.

The other day a woman on one of the witchy Facebook groups I'm on asked about calling her son Lucifer! About 500 people told her not to be a tit.

LUCIFER! That's the devil isn't it?! Shock
Halfwreckedbykids · 15/08/2021 19:04

Having read the ops posts...you sound lovely. Well done supporting her and get why it's hard for you...you rocked her to sleep saying kody and your fantastic to have come around.
Well done

Musmerian · 15/08/2021 19:07

@katherine1983

There’s no reason for Kody, I just liked it. I just think most people without knowing why she changed it would think she was trying to run from something.
I suspect she’s running from a clunky, ugly name. Rose Josephine is classy, classic and quite old fashioned so clearly your daughter prefers the message that sends out to people. I’d embrace it gracefully- in the grand scheme of things it’s not important.
AngryWhompingWillow · 15/08/2021 19:12

Where did you get the name Kody from @katherine1983