Ah, so that’s the secret of conflict free teen parenting - roll over, participate in them doing something you actively don’t like and then foot the bill. I see now where I went wrong.
I was obviously a rubbish parent by putting my foot down and refusing to pay for my 15 year old to go to Amsterdam with a bunch of mates for a cannabis fest. Clearly I should have handed the money over and driven him to the airport.
What a silly post. You seem to resent the fact that I don't get into battles with my teen. I'm sorry if that offends you, but you do what works for you and I'll carry on doing what works for me.
It isn't a question of "rolling over" at all. You're right that I didn't like the idea of the nose piercing, but when I reflected on it, I didn't have a rational reason as to why I objected. It was just a matter of personal preference, but I accept that I don't own my dd's body and I'm not going to impose my will on her for no good reason. I respect the fact that she is different from me. And yes, I did choose to foot the bill on that occasion because I wanted to signal my acceptance of her decision, but she certainly wasn't expecting that and she would have been just as appreciative of the fact that I went with her to support her. And I was equally appreciative of the fact that she sought my consent before having the piercing when she could have gone and got it done without even telling me. Mutual respect goes a long way.
Of course I say no to stuff when it's necessary. There's absolutely way that I'd have let a 15yo go to Amsterdam for a cannabis fest, because that would obviously be totally irresponsible, but frankly, my dd has enough common sense not to even ask about something like this because she knows that the answer would be no. She is sensible enough to be able to anticipate my concerns and rarely asks to do anything that I would consider too risky. Her friends and their parents mostly work on a similar basis.
DD and I have a clear understanding between us. I won't say no to stuff just because I don't like it, but if I have concerns about safety or similar, then she will accept my decision without argument. We do discuss and negotiate where there are differences of opinion, but she fully understands that my goal is not to control her or spoil her fun but rather to keep her safe. She is reasonable and so am I, we both trust each other to make sensible decisions.