To think that the parent at home with the baby should do night feeds..

[bluevelvets]

When other parent is working outside home from six am to four pm but then said parent takes over completely until bedtime ?

If you're working from 6 am i assume you're up by 5ish so if there was a feed around then id expect you to do it. But id expect the SAHP to do any feeds from your bedtime.
Weekends are different, id give you the first lie in so I'd get up woth baby and you could have the second.

@TheRabbitStoleMyHat totally agree. My DS1 as a baby, would only sleep being pushed in the buggy so I walked every day for up to 4 hours come rain or shine. And now my DS2 will only sleep on me sitting up so my poor DS1 gets a lot of screen time

You don't seem to be factoring in that the SAHP has to look after the baby from 6am - 4pm which is comparable to a full time job.

If you'd struggle as the "working" parent after doing all the night feeds alone, then the SAHP would also struggle. Night feeds should be evenly distributed so each adult is able to function during the day.

I think you're a team and should talk it through and decide together.
My husband worked long hours out of the house, I stayed at home. I did all the night feeds for both my children. This was however necessary as they were both breastfed! I weirdly also enjoyed those peaceful hours and managed to read loads of books....
We both worked hard through that phase, I saw that as my contribution I suppose. Every family is very different and should do what suits them. Working together.

Night feeds should be done by the sahp when the other parent has work the next day but there is no reason why the other parent can't help out on their days off.

I did every night feed for 4 children. I was off and my DH has a job that isn’t safe/morally acceptable to do tired, same reason he would never be hungover for work.

Families can make their own decisions. One size doesn’t fit all.

I agree, I think that the stay at home parent should take the vast majority if not all night feeds. Yes being at home isn't easy, but it's not mentally taxing like work.

@FTEngineerM

Being outside the home is a break in itself..

Don't be ridiculous, I don't often see the people who work from home spending mornings in Costa, soft-play centres etc.. I've done both, been a SAHM when the chiilden were very small and worked full time later so I have some experience.

The least knackered person should tend to the baby.

@findahouse21

Yes being at home isn't easy, but it's not mentally taxing like work.

Are you serious??

@gerbo

I think you're a team and should talk it through and decide together. My husband worked long hours out of the house, I stayed at home. I did all the night feeds for both my children. This was however necessary as they were both breastfed! I weirdly also enjoyed those peaceful hours and managed to read loads of books.... We both worked hard through that phase, I saw that as my contribution I suppose. Every family is very different and should do what suits them. Working together.

So glad to see that someone else enjoyed the night feeds! I would wake myself a few minutes before the baby, make coffee, put World Service on, find my latest book and have a very pleasant hour with her. I do know that it depends on the baby, I never did this carrying around all day though so they were quite content to be put down while I did other things.

I bf, so did all the night feeds for over a year each time. It was tiring on mat leave, but at least I could do a lot of sitting round the next day. Doing night feeds when back in work was a killer. Work, where you barely get to sit down and you're on the go constantly, was definitely NOT a break.

I suppose it depends what job you do, but I agree with findahouse21, being at home was definitely not mentally taxing. Boring as fuck, but not mentally taxing.

I did all night time feeds for both of mine, willingly.
Dh used to get up and do first morning feed/breakfast and try to put baby back down so I could have a lie in.
Do whatever works and is agreeable to both of you.

I am the one at home and do all the night wakings. Then I get lay ins at the weekend.

When I was on mat leave I did the night feeds in the week because I could rest in the day, DH would watch him so I could go to bed early (8-11iah) before next feed and would get up at 6:30 ish in the morning and have him until 8 when he needed to go to work, so it meant I had good chunks of sleep even though I was getting up in the night. At weekends we both did it, but i bf and found pumping a pain in the arse so there's not much DH could do of there was no expressed milk to give. He's do nappy change and settling though if I was especially tired or take him out for a few hours on a Saturday morning so I could have a lie in/bath etc

The parent who will be home all day the next day should do the night feeds, as they can catch up on sleep in the day if they want.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

That's a good one. When you have a baby who sleeps only on you and screams when put down, I'd love to know how you achieve this

@FTEngineerM

Being outside the home is a break in itself..

Riiiiight!!

Having one baby at home was far easier for me than being ‘out of the home’ teaching a class of reception children! That certainly wasn’t any form of a break.

No

The parent that stays at home during the day can have naps throughout the day. The one going out to work can’t. Seems logical and fair the stay at home parent does the night feeds.

I probably did more of the nights but dh certainly did his share plus half of all parenting whilst at home. He works long hours but did every aspect of parenting

[quote Rabbitheadlights]@findahouse21

Yes being at home isn't easy, but it's not mentally taxing like work.

Are you serious??[/quote]

No not mentally taxing at all to keep track of all feeds, nappies, naps, housework, baby's medication if they need it, baby's medical appointments, making sure baby has all the clothes they need, toys for sensory stimulation appropriate to their age of development, enough social interaction (but not too much as they will become overtired and scream the place down)...... yeah. Not mentally taxing at all. Not to mention emotionally taxing and quite possibly the loneliest place on the planet some days on your own with a screaming baby who can't be consoled and you have no family or support network.

It's a fucking breeze. What on earth was I thinking finding this hard.

I agree that whilst being at home can be tiring and repetitive it isn't mentally strenuous. I used to do the job DH does so I know how emotionally, psychologically and intellectually exhausting it can be and how much he needs his wits about him or his safety could be in jeopardy. I could just make a cup of tea and watch a Christmas film if I was tired (winter baby). When both at home care should be shared

You do what works for you. I had a chilled baby and was breastfeeding so I did all night stuff, but DH took her first thing for a couple of hours before starting work and when he finished too, plus lie ins at weekend. I didn't see the point in both of us being knackered and I did manage to nap during the day, so it worked for us. But again, very easy baby who was a good sleeper. If I'd have needed help overnight then he would have given it no questions asked.

@gerbo

I think you're a team and should talk it through and decide together. My husband worked long hours out of the house, I stayed at home. I did all the night feeds for both my children. This was however necessary as they were both breastfed! I weirdly also enjoyed those peaceful hours and managed to read loads of books.... We both worked hard through that phase, I saw that as my contribution I suppose. Every family is very different and should do what suits them. Working together.

I enjoyed the night feeds too! There was something nice about her feeding while it was dark and quiet and cosy. I'd listen to a podcast or read. But I think I enjoyed them because I knew I could catch up on the missed sleep at some point!