I have seen a very ugly side to my 'friend'

[Notmoresugar]

I would be very interested to hear how you wise and knowing ladies would deal with a friend who did this to your child (DS in my case) when you're on a short stay with her and her DS and under her roof:

Shreaking at my DS at full volume to do some heavy lifting for her (relating to her work) when he was already working for her. Her DS was doing nothing and just standing around on his phone.

Shreaking at my DS but kindly telling her DS to exit a venue at a different entrance (not relevant but they were going in the right direction anyway).

Both of our DS's were doing a sport that could hurt them if they weren't wearing appropriate clothing. Her DS had thick layers on, yet she kept telling me (3 possibly 4 times) that my DS would be ok with a thin top on.

My DS sleeping (badly) on the floor for 5 nights in her DS's room and her not asking her DS to let him have the bed for not even 1 night.

There are a few other things that I haven't mentioned.

'Friend' is under immense pressure with work and living with very difficult parents, albeit a very large house with space and land etc.

We have been friends for 15 years and this has completely put me off her, so much so that I am considering ending our relationship.

Am I being unreasonable and what would you do or say to someone like this if you were in my position. I was completely taken off-guard as it came from out of nowhere. I was a couple of hundred miles away from home and under her roof?

My DS is very laid back and fine about it, but I am not happy that she chose my DS as her personal whipping boy/scape goat.

I would never treat her DS or any of my DS's friends so badly.

Her DS goes to a private school and I know she wouldn't speak to any of her DS's school mates like that ever.

So over to you and thank you for your comments good or bad - they are all welcome and sorry it was so long!

This has made you see her in a different light entirely. Shrieking at your family is not on, I think you should let her drift out of your life and certainly not stay again.

I quite understand as I was in a similar position and was too shocked to say anything. Wouldnt hapoen again thou. Stress can be nasty so perhaps let it go as a one off incident......but if it happens again...depends of course whether you can trust and forget.

Time to end this friendship - if you can't trust her to take care of your child and she's verbally nasty to you, what on earth keeps you in this friendship I wonder. She is abusive no question

@Carboncheque

I wouldn’t waste any more time or energy thinking about that ‘friend’.

Instead, why not talk to your son about how neither of you will be going back there again and how he didn’t deserve to be treated that way. Acknowledge that you know you find it difficult to deal with conflict and tell him you’re going to work on it. You both deserve to be treated with respect and people who don’t treat you with respect don’t deserve your time and attention.

This.

I just can't get past the spelling of shrieking as SHREAKING. Annoying

My dd and I stayed with a friend for a weekend and she behaved irrationally, misremembered what we had arranged etc. We stayed till the Sunday afternoon as arranged but I broke up the friendship after that experience. I think she may have been going through the menopause but I wasn’t prepared to risk further episodes with her.

@Allusernamesalreadyused

I just can't get past the spelling of shrieking as SHREAKING. Annoying

We all noticed it - you were rude enough to point it out. Proud?

It’s a bit strange not being able to get past a spelling error ..

Especially when it’s clear @Allusernamesalreadyused did actually understand that it was supposed to be shrieking. It’s not like it rendered the rest of the post incomprehensible.

I always think the mark of true intelligence is social awareness and grace. Pointing out someone else’s spelling or grammar mistake doesn’t make you appear intelligent - quite the opposite.

I’d have nothing to do with this woman again. Don’t give yourself a hard time about not addressing her behaviour at the time, it’s difficult when you’re staying with someone and would have created an even worse atmosphere. You are being assertive, you are deciding not to see her anymore.

I always think the mark of true intelligence is social awareness and grace. Pointing out someone else’s spelling or grammar mistake doesn’t make you appear intelligent - quite the opposite.

And yet on MN it seems to be perfectly acceptable to jump on people's housekeeping, cleaning, driving, cooking, whatever. And God help you if you confuse "sex" and "gender".

Leave early and explain to her very calmly why you are doing so. She was totally disrespectful to you and your son. Irrespective of stressed or not stressed, you don’t treat people like that, and tellingly, she doesn’t treat her own son like that.
If she has the balls to speak you like that, you should have the balls to stand up for yourself. Don’t be uncomfortable to speak up. You are not doing anything wrong and have every right to do so. Don’t be a door mat.

If it was stress - surely she would bite son's head off too? I know when I'm stressed I will snap at my kids but be very careful not to snap at others. Mainly because it takes so much effort not to snap that it's usually the ones that know how to do things that you get snippy with, which is usually your own.

So to be snapping at you and your son is odd. I would have to pull her up on it to be honest. Snapping at an adult is one thing but going for a kid is another.