Wills related are we being unreasonable to leave our house to just one DD

[fortifiedwithtea]

We are mid fifties still have not made our wills. We have 2 daughters. However I have been open with the eldest girl that the house is to be left to her younger sister.

Our DD1 love her to bits but she’s not the easiest of character. I would describe her as highly strung And suffers with anxiety But doesn’t take any medication. She has been with her partner 4 years, he lives with us too. She has one more year of uni. Afterwards she is likely to move to another part of the Country and will most likely have an extremely well paid career.

However, DD2 has a learning disability and is dx with bi polar. She is unlikely to be able to live independently without support. Her greatest fear is that in the future she will be homeless. She has no qualifications and will struggle to get a job or keep it frankly as she has disorganised thinking.

I have reassured DD2 that she will never be without a home. Dd1 has told her quite bitterly in the past that she doesn’t need to worry as shes getting the house.

I went out with DD1 the other night and death came up in conversation because I am not well and I not likely to reach the great age of my own mum who is still going strong at 84.

I am an only child. Assuming my mum doesn’t ever need to go into a home, I will inherit her house. I told DD1 that if I inherited my mum’s house I would pass that on to DD1 and Dd2 would get our family home.

Dd2 said she understood my wishes but didn’t think it was fair.

I want to be open about wills with dd1 because of my experience with my Dad. He was the youngest of 3 . His eldest sister died young. She was also widowed at the time of her passing leaving an only son. His other sister is still alive at 94 and has lived in a nursing home for the past 4 years.My Dad assumed I would inherit the grandparents home and with that assumption put in his will that if my mum and him died at the same time their house could not be sold until DD2 was 25 and then the estate would be split 3 equal ways.

Lesson from that never assume an inheritance!

I was quite shocked at my Dad’s will. He passed when DD2 was only 5. I could have been liable to upkeep a house I could not sell for 20 years! As my mum survived him his entire estate went to her. She then made a new will that everything should go to me..

How can I fairly financially protect my girls?

What if I die within the next few years and my DH gets a new wife? What then?

And put the money in a trust fund for DD2

@fortifiedwithtea

You say DD2 has an EHCP. Is there provision in it for preparing for adulthood and independent living?

If not there needs to be.

www.ipsea.org.uk/annual-reviews-in-year-9-and-beyond

I am sorry to hear about your relationship OP.
You really do need proper legal and IHT planning advice.

Do be aware that financial advisors and solicitors are not inheritance /estate planning experts.
I have been investigating these issues for a couple of years now and it is complicated. You need to start right now doing some reading/online research.
My gut feeling is maybe investigate divorce first.
If your husband remarries it sounds as if he could divert everything to his new wife and your DC could be left with nothing. This exact scenario happens so frequently, mostly due to ignorance, but in many cases deliberately.
I am so sorry you are in this awful situation.

I would be so upset if I was your eldest daughter. In life ANYTHING can happen. She could have an accident and be made disabled tomorrow.

@Ellie56 thank you so much for the link.

Yes DD2 does have an EHCP but not a good one. It should have been reviewed last summer. But due to COVID wasn’t done until November via zoom. It took 6 months before the SEN school sent us a written copy and it was suddenly urgent that it was signed and returned so they could send it on to LEA (?) As far as I recall the long term plan wasn’t that far in the future. The goal was for a transition to future education with SEN provision. Which is what will happen she has a place at college for extended learning, basically doing maths and english functional skills.

That doesn't sound as though there is nearly enough provision. What about things like personal care, employability skills, and independent living skills like learning to cook, wash and iron, manage money, travel independently etc etc?

I’m quite shocked at these responses.

I’m not owed anything, anything at all, by my mother. I have suggested that she leaves her home to my remaining sibling (the other is dead) due to his health problems affecting his earning.

I’m 43. If I hadn’t managed to set myself up financially by now, having all the advantages of good health, a good brain and free university education, it wouldn’t be up to anyone to rescue me.

My ‘last memory’ of my father isn’t his will, and it won’t be my last memory of my mother either. Who on earth thinks like this.

I’m incredibly lucky to have had the success I’ve had, and I’d be a truly terrible person to resent my brother receiving more help giving how much more he needs it.

Fuck me there are some cold selfish arseholes. God forbid that adults capable of providing for themselves do so.

I feel sorry for DD1

Surely it would make more sense to sell up the properties and split the profit?

If DD2 will never be independent, how could she manage to pay for home upkeep?

And sounds like DD1 will be responsible for her to an extent, but will not necessarily have the financial means to support her.

None of us are 'owed' anything by our parents but my god if a parent does decide to leave their estate to their children it's truly shocking that they would be anything other than equitable.

@MissTrip82

I’m quite shocked at these responses.

I’m not owed anything, anything at all, by my mother. I have suggested that she leaves her home to my remaining sibling (the other is dead) due to his health problems affecting his earning.

I’m 43. If I hadn’t managed to set myself up financially by now, having all the advantages of good health, a good brain and free university education, it wouldn’t be up to anyone to rescue me.

My ‘last memory’ of my father isn’t his will, and it won’t be my last memory of my mother either. Who on earth thinks like this.

I’m incredibly lucky to have had the success I’ve had, and I’d be a truly terrible person to resent my brother receiving more help giving how much more he needs it.

Fuck me there are some cold selfish arseholes. God forbid that adults capable of providing for themselves do so.

That's not what majority are saying though, they are giving advice on how it's not just as simple as leaving dd2 the house, there's issues re running the household management etc and how unfair it would be to expect this of dd1 and that dd1s MH difficulties is being ignored.

Haven't RTFT so sorry if this has been mentioned, but having an estate might cause issues for your dd2 wrt social care. I have a similar issue as my dc2 also has disabilities that will make full time work impossible. I'm leaving dc2's 'portion' to be managed by dc1, who I trust wholeheartedly will do as I instruct.

long shot but i am a specialist in this and can help but you need to be in the west yorkshire are?

@MissTrip82,have you ever been on the receiving end of this?
What if 2 people have all the advantages you mention in life and one makes a go of it,the other makes bad choices.
The second is then given everything on a plate after a bit of skillful mind games.

It's not about money,houses,entitlement. Its about your own flesh and blood basically not valuing you.

Also @MissTrip82,you have made a choice.You have made a suggestion. You have not woken up one day to a fait accompli

Exactly, @sadperson16. There's also nothing stopping someone from gifting part or all of their inheritance to a sibling if they want to. That's very different from the parent deciding to split their will in favour of one child over others.

Also as many people have pointed out, in the case of a severely disabled child who requires a high level of care, there may be other funding sources to support them which would be far better than an unmanageable family home. Most cases, though, are likely to be far more nuanced than one child being in dire need and the other siblings being totally fine and financially sorted. More often it's the case that the siblings will have varied financial, work and family situations which are down to a whole range of reasons: maybe partly luck but also down to hard work and carefully considered choices. And that's quite aside from the fact that what is the case today isn't necessarily true next week or next year. People become ill/ lose their job/ have a family breakup. What happens then if that sibling is left high and dry while their sibling who was deemed more in need has inherited all the assets?

@Tomselleckhaskindeyes - wills and trusts ? I'm in West Yorkshire and need help.

Not wills and trusts but learning disabilities. Do you want to private message me where you are and i can go from there.