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Original poster

Wills related are we being unreasonable to leave our house to just one DD

317 replies

fortifiedwithtea · 13/08/2021 08:23

We are mid fifties still have not made our wills. We have 2 daughters. However I have been open with the eldest girl that the house is to be left to her younger sister.

Our DD1 love her to bits but she’s not the easiest of character. I would describe her as highly strung And suffers with anxiety But doesn’t take any medication. She has been with her partner 4 years, he lives with us too. She has one more year of uni. Afterwards she is likely to move to another part of the Country and will most likely have an extremely well paid career.

However, DD2 has a learning disability and is dx with bi polar. She is unlikely to be able to live independently without support. Her greatest fear is that in the future she will be homeless. She has no qualifications and will struggle to get a job or keep it frankly as she has disorganised thinking.

I have reassured DD2 that she will never be without a home. Dd1 has told her quite bitterly in the past that she doesn’t need to worry as shes getting the house.

I went out with DD1 the other night and death came up in conversation because I am not well and I not likely to reach the great age of my own mum who is still going strong at 84.

I am an only child. Assuming my mum doesn’t ever need to go into a home, I will inherit her house. I told DD1 that if I inherited my mum’s house I would pass that on to DD1 and Dd2 would get our family home.

Dd2 said she understood my wishes but didn’t think it was fair.

I want to be open about wills with dd1 because of my experience with my Dad. He was the youngest of 3 . His eldest sister died young. She was also widowed at the time of her passing leaving an only son. His other sister is still alive at 94 and has lived in a nursing home for the past 4 years.My Dad assumed I would inherit the grandparents home and with that assumption put in his will that if my mum and him died at the same time their house could not be sold until DD2 was 25 and then the estate would be split 3 equal ways.

Lesson from that never assume an inheritance!

I was quite shocked at my Dad’s will. He passed when DD2 was only 5. I could have been liable to upkeep a house I could not sell for 20 years! As my mum survived him his entire estate went to her. She then made a new will that everything should go to me..

How can I fairly financially protect my girls?

What if I die within the next few years and my DH gets a new wife? What then?

OP posts:
StarryStarrySocks · 13/08/2021 08:26

A better plan would be to sell both houses and split the money between your 2 daughters. Your DD2 could buy a flat or something, she doesn't need the family home.

nimbuscloud · 13/08/2021 08:28

It will all be irrelevant if you don’t make a will ASAP.

nimbuscloud · 13/08/2021 08:28

And die intestate.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 13/08/2021 08:29

The thing about wills is that they are the very last thing you say to your loved ones. Forget the romantic deathbed scene - your will is your final way of telling them how you feel.

In this case you will be saying “DD2 is my priority.”

Northernlurker · 13/08/2021 08:29

Your will needs to protect your share of the home for the girls. That's very standard. So dh can still live in it but he can't leave your half to any floozie who takes his eye Grin

I would say share equally too but I can see it's hard when one is so vulnerable. You also need to think about who will support dd2. It's not fair to leave that responsibility to dd1 but no cash.

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/08/2021 08:31

Can’t you sympathise with how DD1 feels? They’ll have different struggles throughout their lives but they’re both equally your children.

What if you do this and after you’ve died DD2 wins millions in the lottery but DD1 gets hit by a bus and can never work again, her partner leaves her and she’s on disability benefits for the rest of her life?

NeverMetANiceOne · 13/08/2021 08:32

I feel very sorry for your DD1.

LawnFever · 13/08/2021 08:32

@StarryStarrySocks

A better plan would be to sell both houses and split the money between your 2 daughters. Your DD2 could buy a flat or something, she doesn't need the family home.
Agreed, the family home will in any case be too much for DD2 to manage, even if she inherited it with no mortgage to pay the financial and necessary upkeep of a house still needs money and effort.

Selling both, splitting so she can buy a more suitable flat is a better, and fairer option.

Stoolpigeon21 · 13/08/2021 08:33

@NeverMetANiceOne

I feel very sorry for your DD1.
^This
LizziesTwin · 13/08/2021 08:33

If dd2 is unlikely to be able to support herself she will not receive as much help from social services if she has a large inheritance. She might not need the financial help but may easily need other support. How severe is her learning difference? Does she understand about not sending nude selfies of herself etc?

Mamamamasaurus · 13/08/2021 08:34

Surely it would be fairer to leave equal shares - be that cash, property or the proceeds from selling property?

To be honest, I'm a bit baffled that you've reached this age and not made a will, given the fact that your daughter will likely never live independently.

BlueLobelia · 13/08/2021 08:34

@StarryStarrySocks

A better plan would be to sell both houses and split the money between your 2 daughters. Your DD2 could buy a flat or something, she doesn't need the family home.
This.

I used to work in probate and favouring one child over the other (no matter what 'good reasons' you think you have) is a guaranteed way to absolutely destroy the relaitonship between your children-= and to destory the relationshio you will have with your DD1 considering you TOLD her blatantly of your favouritism.

You are just setting up for decades of pain and hurt.

GoodnightGrandma · 13/08/2021 08:35

You should split it equally between both.
You should not assume what DD1 will earn.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/08/2021 08:35

So dd2 gets the house, then what? Can she keep up running a family home? Will her benefits be sufficient to afford to run a larger-than-necessary home? Is dd1 expected to provide a level of care for her sister?

I'd look at how much the house is worth currently and what DD2 would need for a small and manageable flat. How much would that leave? Could you then split that?

Ultimately if dd2 is vulnerable then she does need an extra level of protection thab dd2, treating them equally doesn't mean treating them the same

StarDrawers · 13/08/2021 08:36

Speak to a solicitor. And I'd personally make the will to sell the family home, to buy DD2 a flat and then can give some cash to DD1. If DD2 is unlikely to ever be independent you are doing the right thing. It's not the same as if they were both able to look after themselves 100%

Ukholidaysaregreat · 13/08/2021 08:37

You need to split both inheritances fairly. It's the best way.

BlueLobelia · 13/08/2021 08:37

Oh and ass for your other questions about you DH maybe getting a new wife- go and talk to a professional who has seen and can advise on every possible scenario known to humankind.

(By professional I do NOT mean a will writing service, but a proper probate solicitor. GOD the number of times we had to mop up messes and partial intestacies created by will writing services who employed untrained people who had no fucking clue as to what they were doing had to be seen to be belived).

StarDrawers · 13/08/2021 08:37

I'd sort it out ASAP though

Aposterhasnoname · 13/08/2021 08:38

@NeverMetANiceOne

I feel very sorry for your DD1.
This.

My DHs mother split her house unequally between her three sons. 1/6 to the eldest, 3/6 to the middle son, and 2/6 to DH. My DH ended up giving 1/6 to his eldest brother and none of them ever spoke to each other again.

Hadalifeonce · 13/08/2021 08:38

I have a special needs brother, who has always lived with my parents. My sister and are, aren't rich, but we are OK financially. We both told our mum to leave the house to our bother as we have no need of it. She told us we are all her children, and wouldn't dream of not treating us equally, whatever the circumstances, because circumstances change.

MiddleParking · 13/08/2021 08:39

Yes, you’d be unreasonable to do this. I think it’s really odd and unpleasant to use the fact that she’s a ‘difficult character’ and has anxiety as context here. And you’re making huge assumptions about the future - your DD1 being a high earner, your mum not having to go into a care home and you inheriting her house to pass on. If you’ve told your eldest daughter you intend to do this I’m really surprised she still speaks to you at all. I wouldn’t.

Wjevtvha · 13/08/2021 08:41

I don’t really understand why you would do that and not just leave it equally between your DDs as surely that’s fairer and your DD2 could buy a small mortgage free home that she could afford the upkeep on.
Why would you not think that your DH would do the same?

Thehouseofmarvels · 13/08/2021 08:41

Would it not be better to help your daughter who has learning difficulties move into sheltered acomodation? I know a person who has learning difficulties and she has thrived from being independent from her mum whilst recieving support. You could have your assets sold and put her half into a trust administered by your other daughter. I know of a will where trusts were used as one child had downs syndrome. If you give your daughter the house she may not cope with maintaining it if she has learning difficulties, and need support from her sister which could cause resentment if your parents house gets used for care funds.

Shellfishblastard · 13/08/2021 08:41

I have a sister too and this would have made me sad and probably quite resentful.

I’m not sure the circumstances of DD2’s disabilities and what impact they have had on your lives - but would I be right to assume that DD2 has required a lot of support from you and because of this she has had to be your priority? Not a criticism at all, but I do wonder if DD1 looks at the situation and sees that you’ve always prioritised her little sister and will continue to do so when you die.

I think the easiest option as others have said would be to split all assets equally and ensure that DD2 has the support required to find a home when you pass away.

Cattitudes · 13/08/2021 08:41

I would be splitting each inheritance equally between the children because saying dd1 can have your mother's home and dd2 yours might mean dd2 gets nothing if your mother doesn't need care but you do.

If your mother did die first you could use the dd2 half to invest in a smaller buy to let property for dd2, the balance of which could be paid off with any inheritance from you.

Ultimately you can't guarantee that dd2 won't be homeless as she might not manage independent living and owning and maintaining her own property might be beyond her ability. Either way she might appreciate her sister's support which is more likely if she isn't alienated by an unequal will.