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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Buying flowers with no money?

273 replies

Kitten9 · 13/08/2021 07:29

Earlier this week one of my close friends confided her money struggles to me - she lost her job a couple of months ago and due to various factors has not had any income at all. She told me she had absolutely nothing and had maxed out all her credit cards, and was genuinely upset and crying about how she was going to feed her children and keep a roof over their heads. I didn’t get the impression that she was asking me for money, but I wanted to help and so I gave her £300 as a gift (I can afford it and don’t need or expect it back)

However yesterday I saw on Facebook that one of her other friends had posted a photo of a beautiful bunch of flowers, thanking my friend for sending them for absolutely no reason. I honestly can’t tell if I’m BU for being a little annoyed - the flowers didn’t look cheap, and I would have expected her to prioritise her bills and savings if she was in such dire straits. I suppose I feel as though I’ve been a little duped and that her situation isn’t as bad as I was lead to believe.

Fully prepared to be told that I’m a miserable hag!

OP posts:
Sunshinedrops85 · 19/08/2021 06:48

Just to say:

Bloom & Wild have a referral scheme where you get £10 for every person who uses your link before they purchase. I've actually sent lots of free flowers this way as the credit builds up. They also send a lot of discounts too like 15-20% off the price if you sign up for their emails.

Freddies flowers will let you send flowers for free to someone and you get 50% off your next box.

But I 've also felt the same way before given money to help someone only to find that they weren't as bad off as they seemed and I did a full shop for them.

Sunshinedrops85 · 19/08/2021 06:50

Also when you do send discounted/ free flowers there's nothing in the box to say the price! So whilst it might look expensive it might not be. Why not just ask her directly?

Bagamoyo1 · 19/08/2021 06:51

@RedHelenB

Maybe she was fed up of being the taker all the time and wanted to be the giver?
By taking from someone to do it!
illuyankas · 19/08/2021 06:58

Do people buy flowers for friends for no reason? Maybe they have a reason to send/receive flowers that you don't know.

GreenTortoise · 19/08/2021 06:58

Just say you're unable to help as you've just given her £300.

joystir59 · 19/08/2021 07:02

She didn't ask you for money. So why do you care about her buying flowers for someone?

GoWalkabout · 19/08/2021 07:03

Just say, I think you need to look at budgeting to cover your bills before other spending.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/08/2021 07:05

“Hi friend what happened to the £300?”
Then screen shot over a pic of the flowers

ApolloandDaphne · 19/08/2021 07:05

Be clear with her that the previous gift of money was a one off thing. Do not give her any more.

Raindancer411 · 19/08/2021 07:12

I would message back say sorry, I just gave you £300, that should have helped towards it.

Antsinyourpanta · 19/08/2021 07:12

My friends DD is like that, begging to her mum and dad because she cant pay her bills and then (precovid) having a weekend away and going to a christmas market.

Alarae · 19/08/2021 07:13

I agree with previous posters and simply respond "sorry, that £300 was all I had spare to give" and leave it at that.

UnsuitableHat · 19/08/2021 07:14

The gift was really kind of you- and definitely a one off I reckon! Your friend sounds chaotic with money and needs to find ways of dealing with it herself.

UnsuitableHat · 19/08/2021 07:15

Oh, missed update. A straight no to the loan. Suggest CAB or similar?

bevelino · 19/08/2021 07:15

OP, just say no. The balance of your friendship has changed. She is using you; and you clearly resent her money grabbing ways.

Bananarice · 19/08/2021 07:17

Are you certain that those flowers weren't regifted? Someone else gave it to her and because she didn't have money she gave her gift away.

If you single and have no money, going on dates for free food is deceptive but effective. Some men would also bring flowers. This method also gives people the chance to ask questions instead of being ask questions themselves. It nice meeting new people who aren't just turning you down for a job.

MagnoliaBeige · 19/08/2021 07:18

You need to nip this in the bud (pun not intended!) if you want to preserve the friendship - “Sorry, the £300 was a gift but I’m not in a position to offer ongoing financial help. I’d definitely call the council though and see what they suggest to pay it off”

Sleepingdogs12 · 19/08/2021 07:23

Something similar happened to us , I never looked at those people in the same way . Why advertise the fact you've made that choice even if there is an explanation.

FigureOfSpeeh · 19/08/2021 07:29

If you give it as a gift once you handed it over you had no say how it was spent. I do understand why you feel annoyed though

We also don’t know why she got someone flowers - was it just a birthday or has something happened and they really needed cheering up ?

CabbagesGreen · 19/08/2021 07:29

Say you're struggling yourself after giving her that £300?

CarbsAreNotMyFriend · 19/08/2021 07:34

She's asked you for MORE money??? Absolutely not. You say no, sorry I have stretched myself to give you the £300 and I'm unable to give you anymore.

Sad to say, but she doesn't sound like a good friend. Time to keep your distance x

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/08/2021 07:38

Crikey. She has no shame and is clearly a chaotic character. You don’t solve money problems with money.

I don’t think it will help to admonish her for the flowers. I’d just say you’ve had some unexpected bills and don’t have any more money to spare and offer to signpost her toward debt advice.

diddl · 19/08/2021 07:38

@Kitten9

I suppose I should have seen this coming… I’ve just woken up to a message from her asking to borrow money to pay her council tax bill. Sigh.
Wow!

I couldn't keep someone like this as a friend tbh.

FigureOfSpeeh · 19/08/2021 07:42

@Kitten9

I suppose I should have seen this coming… I’ve just woken up to a message from her asking to borrow money to pay her council tax bill. Sigh.
The council can re configure her payments of she can’t pay a month they did it for me once and just made the rest of the years monthly payments a bit higher to incorporate the missing payment
Terhou · 19/08/2021 07:45

@joystir59

She didn't ask you for money. So why do you care about her buying flowers for someone?
If you read OP's messages, she was going to let that go. The issue now is that friend has predictably come back for more.