To think it’s not unreasonable to be proud of your appearance?

[Delke]

My brother and I were brought up to be proud of our appearance. Growing up we were always dressed in the latest designer gear and my mother paid hundreds for photo shoots of us. My brother grew up to go into modelling. I married young but always maintained great pride in my appearance. Fast forward to now, I’m a student nurse and for the first time in my life have encountered negativity just by posting photos on social media. Is it really so terrible to be proud of your appearance? I came off Facebook last week after numerous bitchy comments on my posts but I’ve rejoined today. However I dare not post anything as I’m so worried about the negativity and horrible comments!!

Any comments, OP?

If one of the comments is 'are you on commission for David Lloyd'

Chances are, op posts alot of selfies on the gym with either the logo in the background or takes the place when she posts her photo. People do that because they want people to know they go to the gym and its a fairly expensive one.

Some of the comments are that she never posts anything negative. And, tbf, it's her Facebook she doesn't have to post anything negative.

The problem is, if you constantly post gym selfies, selfies of you in expensive places or highlighting your designer gear, but people know you in RL and know you life is very different from what you post on FB. People will generally, roll their eyes and probably keep their distance. Or take the piss.

Also depends on the relationship between the people. Non if my close friends would get offended at the comments people have made to op. But that's because we know each other well enough to do it without offending. Could be these people do genuinely think they are having a joke that op would find funny.

Also, these people do seem to know op in RL so have a better gauge of her personality wether it's pride in her appearance or vanity. That will be probably, be Influencing their comments.

Pride, especially when it involves photos on facebook where posing is the only activity, is one of the deadly sins for good reason. Self respect, including being as clean, healthy and appropriately dressed as is possible in your circumstances, is admirable but not something you need to show off.

Being into 'the latest designer gear', and taking pride in your appearance are not the same thing, labels don't mean you have pride in yourself

I wouldn't comment on your pictures, but if you're one of those people whose Facebook page is just neverending selfies of you from a slightly different angle, I'd probably unfollow and/or think you were a little vacuous (judgy I know!).

Of course people shouldn't say mean things. I have a few friends who post selfies on fb clearly to try and get positive comments. It makes me cringe and I tend to feel sorry for them as they obviously lack confidence if they need to parade pictures of themselves in full slap with filters and angles. But I would never say anything negative and just scroll on by. I don't hand out likes for desperate pictures like that because it's sad and I don't want to encourage it, just like I don't automatically like people's pictures of their kids unless there's some reason like an achievement or a funny story.

It's shallow and pretty pathetic to post pictures of yourself on sm for other people's approval.

"I'm going to hazard a guess and say that maybe your new colleagues, who work in demanding jobs in understaffed, underfunded vital services, often with vulnerable people, in life life death situations where the truth of what really counts as a life well lived every day, think that posting endless selfies because you're 'proud' of your looks is a bit...vacuous?"

I agree with this. As a trainee nurse, surely appearance is the last thing on your mind. I work in a public service profession and one of things I like about it is that appearance is so unimportant. It's about doing your job well and professionally, being compassionate and caring. None of my colleagues post selfies on their social media. It would be considered self-indulgent.

Posting constant selfies is self absorbed and narcissistic. You're posting them because you want to get likes and people commenting how stunning you are, etc. You sound extremely insecure and not at all 'proud of your appearance'. Maybe work on your own self esteem instead of attacking others.

[quote Bluntness100]@EarringsandLipstick

How can you not understand? Did you not read the thread? The comments are about trout pout, shares in David Lloyd etc which indicates she’s posting selfies posing.[/quote]
I do get sick of your needlessly aggressive posts at times.

Your sentence didn't make ... sense, basically, hence my response.

Anyway. No. These are the comments she is getting. They are not indicative of a) what she is doing and b) her motivation for doing so.

That was just you making a typical leap.

She is posting selfies. People are making unwarranted nasty comments. If they don't like her image, they can ignore. No comment needed.
You are reading into OP's thought process based on 3 posts (at that point) which don't substantiate your points.

Did YOU read the thread? 🤔

There is absolutely no reason to post posed selfies (I'm assuming that these do not include anyone else or any sense of place other than the gym) other than to boast about your appearance. There just isn't.

That's not pride, it's vanity and boasting. Neither of which are appealing traits, and yes, people will mock you for it. It's not nice to do so publicly, but people will be rolling their eyes or laughing at you behind your back.

In some ways these fellow students have done you a favour. They've demonstrated what many people will have been thinking but were too polite to say. That gives you the opportunity to do things differently.

I'm afraid that your mum did you no favours with her attitude to your looks and appearance. I can see how you got to this point. But it's really no way to live and connect with people.

I'm proud of how I look, I'm in my 40s have carried three babies (the most recent one is only 1) and used to have a terrible lifestyle of binge drinking, smoking, eating too much etc.

About 7 years ago I decided to sort myself out and I got really fit, I run and lift weights about 5-6 days a week and am in pretty good shape considering the above. I'm proud of that and of the fact that I've changed my lifestyle for the better. Some of the results are visual obviously and I'm pleased with that.

The difference is that I never ever post photos of myself on social media. I don't need to and am not sure what the point would be? Is it validation you seek op? Compliments? It's not nice that people have been negative to you but you need to ask yourself what response you were looking for.

So yes, personally I see no problem in being proud of how you look, but that's not the same as posting loads of selfies at the gym or whatever is it?

I don’t think there is anything wrong with being confident about your looks but personally anyone over 15 posing and pouting I just find a bit cringey. Each to their own!

A relative recently put me off her Facebook for not liking her selfies often enough! She is in her 40s, v attractive but the posed selfies were coming thick and fast. Her, home alone and dressing up specifically for the pic, full make up and hair and staging the background (bottle champagne 2 glasses - she is single btw) and of course pouting. At one point they were daily. I was concerned that she put these up for validation and that I would not be actually helping by liking them and buying into this. Instead I always liked and put positive comments on any pics she put up that were not the posed pouty ones. Apparently this wasn’t enough for her.

What you put on social media is entirely your decision but I guess your new colleagues feel they are a bit fake. Like other posters have said maybe keep these type of posts for the friends/acquaintances that like that sort of thing.

Good luck with your nursing x

I think that is the thing, it’s something typical of teens through to early twenties latest. When you’re in your forties and still at it it is seen as a bit sad.and cringe. However that’s no reason to be mean. Generally people jist post an insincere compliment, roll their eyes and move on, it really should be if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all.

You put too more store in other peoples options of you. If you post something n any social media I am afraid you are leaving yourself open to both positive a d negative comments, I’m afraid they go hand in hand. If the negative stuff upsets you then either come off social media entirely or limit who sees your posts to those you know will only be nice ie your mum

Yeah my kids grew out of posting selfies in their late teens.

@TerraNovaTwo

Nothing wrong with being proud of how you look! If you're constantly spamming people's newsfeed with selfies, however, then they might rightly get annoyed by the barrage and question your motives. Vanity, etc. Still no need for bitchy comments though!

But if you are periodically posting selfies, maybe sometimes also with your DC or your pet or something and people are being bitchy about it, I reckon that you're probably quite attractive. Other women HATE a naturally pretty woman and or with a great body, even more so if you're a nice person. Tis the way

I am attractive and have a great body and I'm pretty nice as well, and women don't hate me. If I were to start posting selfies where I was posing and pouting they would probably laugh at me though. I wouldn't think it was because they were jealous I'd think it was because I was making a bit of a twat of myself.

I’m a decade older than the op and am generally considered attractive, if I started posting selfie’s in my gym gear and pouting, on social media, my friends and family, and colleagues would absolutely rip the piss out of me. If they started doing the same I’d rip the piss out of them, I’d start nicely and complimentary for the first few then be all “wtf is wrong with you then 😂”

However I don’t actually know anyone who does it over the age of 21 except one female friend.

She is very beautiful but her shots are not selfies, someone takes the pic and she is generally some where really interesting or doing something interesting. It’s a very different vibe. She also posts shots that are less than flattering, to say the least, so it’s also more honest, she is never posing or pouting in any of them.

@queenMab99
"Pride, especially when it involves photos on facebook where posing is the only activity, is one of the deadly sins for good reason"

Except it isn't. MN is a Godless place anyway in that respect, a lot of posters are consumed by their self righteousness. Be it on the subject of going to University, age at giving birth, income, how often they clean, daily deadly sins are committed. Pity you didn't pop up on the thread about the OP who was jealous of her friend in Council housing. The worse sin is to ignore the plight of the poor and needy. Many on here would love to live in a country without a welfare state.

Is this loads of stupid selfies? Its vain and not being proud of your appearance

I think you can be interested in style and fashion ( and therefore your appearance) without posting endless selfies. What do your social media accounts say about you? Are they full of shots of yourself? If yes then people are going to think you’re vacuous because you’re telling them you’re only interested in yourself. I wouldn’t post a negative comment but I would think it I’m afraid.

@EarringsandLipstick My use of the word uneducated in my previous post was perhaps misplaced. I originally intended to say vacuous but thought this might sound harsher so changed my wording. However, many people have said vacuous since my post and it is probably more accurate a description. Although I am not the only person to use the word uneducated or to say that they would judge this behaviour. Of course it is none of my business what others do but the Op asked for opinions and unfortunately many of us judge in others when we shouldn’t. Acting on that judgement would be dreadful but it is human nature to put together a picture of someone based on their actions, words or even appearance. I am honest about my judgements but do try to challenge them.
I think someone who fills their fb feed with overly posed selfies may be more interested in appearance than anything else and I would judge that negatively. I absolutely wouldn’t post mean comments on the photo but the OP was asking for opinions and I gave mine. Several people on this post have said they would judge negatively based on the Information in the OP.
I think it’s great to make an effort with your appearance but posting selfies with trout pout in your 40s Is just cringeworthy. Most people have grown out of this sort of peacocking by early 20’s at the latest. However, it sounds like the OP’s mum was just as shallow and self absorbed so no doubt she passed on some of her issues onto her daughter. If you grew up thinking that professional photo shoots and designer gear made you somehow better then of course that is going to colour your world view. I am sure that there is more to the OP than posing infront of her mirror but her fb feed isn’t going to reflect this. Maybe the people commenting on her feed, as horrid as they were, did the OP a favour as it has caused her to question how she is coming across.

Yeah posting a picture of you wearing something interesting or in an interesting place or a group selfie with your friends or kids is one thing (and should be done infrequently and possibly self-mockingly in any case) . Posting daily selfies of you pouting at the camera and saying "look at my gorgeous eyes" (which I have seen a grown woman doing) is just vacuous and laughable.

Animal filters and the like have no place in anyone's life over the age of 7 imo.

Animal filters and the like have no place in anyone's life over the age of 7 imo.

hahahaaa too true 😹

People get really, really angsty about what other people post on Facebook. I don't follow why it is they care so much.

Don't care what people look like.
Don't care, for the most part, what they post on their Facebook timelines. I've only unfriended people on occasion when they habitually post hate-filled or racist comments.
Don't care to see bullying or mocking other people on their own timelines: I'd unfriend someone I saw doing this, but not for posting selfies. I don't have much time for designer labels, but if others do, it isn't hurting me.

OP, I'd have a cull of your friends' list and just crack on.

Having read your updates you actually sound more insecure than proud. Posting lots of pictures of your workout doesn’t scream pride it’s more like you want outside validation. Coming out of the gym whether it’s the cheap one or an expensive posh one you should have a sense of inner pride that you ran a bit faster/swam a bit more/lifted more weights etc, your pride shouldn’t really be focused on how many likes your gym selfie gets.

Also, what you said about encouraging everyone by liking every selfie you see, it kind of implies that you’re looking for validation from others that you look good.

If I was you I’d work on feeling good about myself. If you feel genuine pride in yourself you don’t need likes and comments from others on social media.