Page 6 | To think it’s not unreasonable to be proud of your appearance?

Budsaway · 13/08/2021 01:08

Nobody should post mean things under people's selfies. They should keep those thoughts to themselves.

I think though that you are either a selfie person or you are not and to people like me who aren't it is difficult to understand why people post many identical pictures of themselves eye fucking their phones. I keep it to myself though and throw the selfie taker a like because if it makes them feel good then why not.

hesterstanhope · 13/08/2021 03:21

Is your profile under your own name and open to the public? As a health professional it’s generally frowned on to have an account like this.
The unfortunate truth is that some patients get slightly confused about boundaries particularly when good looking people are kind to them and perform intimate care when they’re at a vulnerable stage. Add to that boredom and extra phone time when in hospital and you have a problem.

milkyaqua · 13/08/2021 03:36

It is nice, and ultimately good for one's health and overall wellbeing, to 'take pride' in one's appearance. But what you are describing in your family situation growing up is more vanity than pride, and by posting your FB selfies, rather than just feeling good in yourself and maintaining your looks in the way that appeals to you, you are displaying vanity and the sort of pride that has negative connotations. People are mean to make those comments, though.

Torvean · 13/08/2021 03:46

@YellowandGreenToBeSeen

I’m gorgeous. Truly! I’m known in the family as ‘the good looking one’. It’s a burden 😉

I have never, would never, could never post a selfie and I’m the same age as you.

It shrieks of vanity and a desire for affirmation to me. I accept them in the Millennial generation / they are but babies. But a 43 year old? Yeah, it’s unattractive vanity IMO.

Millennial are old enough they're from 1981- 1996.

So aged 25-40. It's gen Y that know nothing else.

I'm early 40s as are most of my friends. If any if us took selfies with a trout pout we'd absolutely destroy them.

Bluntness100 · 13/08/2021 06:39

Actually I’d agree with the pp who raises a very good point. There’s different types of pride in ones appearance.

Pride in your appearance can be a very good and healthy thing. It’s not the case If you take pride in your appearance you can’t take pride in anything else Ie children achievements etc, you can take pride in many things at once,,,the sort of pride here is about taking care of yourself, being clean, well groomed, healthy, fit, well dressed, feeling good about yourself, any manner of things, and these are a huge positive.

The taking pride in your appearance that’s a negative is when it translates to vanity, showing off, being shallow, taking photos and messing with them and trying to get compliments from people, posing and pouting etc, that’s when it turns to a negative, not just for others but for the person doing it.

Op I think thr issue is your pride in yout appearance is the latter from what you’ve posted. It’s not about you feeling great and secure in youtself, it’s not about candid shots of you, alone, with others doing fun things, it’s about you posing and pouting for likes. That’s bad enough when it’s a young adult but does become quite negative when it’s someone in their forties.

EarringsandLipstick · 13/08/2021 06:45

And your beauty will fade at around 45. You will then become invisible and then what will you?

What a stupid comment.

You can be beautiful at any age. And that old-fashioned misogynistic idea that you stop being attractive at a pre-determined age in your 40s? Not enough 🙄

AND you don't become 'invisible' based on your looks, regardless. People are more than their appearance, and their visibility, if that's even desirable, can come from many factors.

EarringsandLipstick · 13/08/2021 06:46

The comments here. 😡

OP keep posting your photos, it's your FB account. It may not be everyone's choice, but that's ok.

Limit your FB friends, block the bitchy-comments-people. They aren't worth knowing.

EarringsandLipstick · 13/08/2021 06:49

It’s not about you feeling great and secure in youtself, it’s not about candid shots of you, alone, with others doing fun things, it’s about you posing and pouting for likes. That’s bad enough when it’s a young adult but does become quite negative when it’s someone in their forties.

OP posted 3 times.

In none of those posts did she indicate any of this.

Yes, she posts selfies. However she doesn't talk about her motivation, other than she's happy with her appearance. She never said she's 'posing & pouting for likes', what horrible comment. She just doesn't like nasty judgmental comments that she's getting for the first time in her history of posting photos.

Bluntness100 · 13/08/2021 06:52

I think the comments she Receives does absolutely indicate that.

EdgeOfACoin · 13/08/2021 06:55

I don't understand why someone would be proud of wearing designer clothes? It just means you've spent lots of money on clothes - so...?

EssexLioness · 13/08/2021 06:58

OP I am the same age as you and I absolutely agree it is important to take pride in one’s appearance. However, this does not translate to designer gear and taking endless selfies of me posing in weird positions. I think it’s more about being clean and tidy and wearing clothes I feel good in that suit me… I do wear minimal make up and style my hair if leaving the house (I know these things are personal choice and no judgement against those who don’t wear make up).
I can’t believe anyone my age would be posing with trout pout and posting on social media. I also think heavy filters (eg cat ears) are weird and juvenile. Fine to go through a silly phase when you’re a youngster as we all need to learn and it is very much on trend for that age group. I would never post a comment but if I saw this on fb I would definitely think you were uneducated, shallow and desperate for attention.
I think your perception of what is normal (ie constant selfies etc) may be a bit skewed though OP as your upbringing sounds really odd to me. I think the odd selfie eg with your kids or pets can look nice and if you are pretty that will still show through in a more natural way. Most people our age would be more focused on taking pics in enjoyable situations eg lunch out with friends, day out with family, holidays etc. The difference for me would be in the overly posed photos. Maybe move towards more natural looking shots and see if the comments stop. Although the if anyone was rude enough to insult you on ur fb page I would be tempted to delete them

Youarestillintherunning · 13/08/2021 06:59

@Bluntness100 are you okay? You've said 3 opposing opinions on this one post? I'm starting to think that someone is impersonating you again 😅

EarringsandLipstick · 13/08/2021 07:04

if I saw this on fb I would definitely think you were uneducated, shallow and desperate for attention.

And you'd be as judgemental AF.

I'm a similar age to you & OP. I'm quite happy with my appearance, mostly, and do make an effort. I don't post selfies like OP describes, it's just not me. I agree most people in their 40s don't.

However, it's none of my business what others do. I can't believe you'd make such a harsh judgment on someone (that they were uneducated 😳) based on a photo they posted. You should take a look at yourself & your prejudices

EarringsandLipstick · 13/08/2021 07:06

@Bluntness100

I think the comments she Receives does absolutely indicate that.

What? I don't understand what you're trying to say.

She has been getting nasty comments. She doesn't like those. Understandably.

copernicium · 13/08/2021 07:09

Nursing is the bitchiest profession around.

TheAverageUser · 13/08/2021 07:15

People shouldn't be mean. It's hard to tell without seeing the photos you're uploading but if you're putting up a photo with only you in it posing then the only purpose is to say 'look how pretty i am' which is vacuous and silly, particularly in your 40's in my opinion.

TheKeatingFive · 13/08/2021 07:21

If you’re just posting selfie’s without any commentary and they’re randomly posting mean comments then they don’t sound like nice people. There’s no call for that.

It would be different if you are clearly fishing for likes or saying something antagonistic.

Bluntness100 · 13/08/2021 07:25

@EarringsandLipstick

How can you not understand? Did you not read the thread? The comments are about trout pout, shares in David Lloyd etc which indicates she’s posting selfies posing.

BlueLobelia · 13/08/2021 07:34

Op- there is NOTHINg wrong with taking pride in your appearance.

But from what you desrobe, it makes me feel that looking good is the most important thing about you- and I am wondering if your mother's obsession made you feel the only way you could gain acceptance and possibly love from her was by fitting her mold of what was physically acceptable? hence looking for validation online from others.

Personally I wish I had taken more pride in my appearance and need to make it more of a habit, so good on you. But how you look is not the most important thing about you, and I hope that you know inside you are worth more than just being judged by others.

TableFlowerss · 13/08/2021 07:35

@Pieceofpurplesky

OP I have a friend like you - she is always posting in her designer gym gear (those TikTok leggings) and commenting on her fabulous workout. The it will be cocktails in a swanky pub in a new designer dress. Then one with her kids in head to toe designer wear on a family 'adventure' (walk to the rest of us).

I would never comment negatively and these people are not your friends. I do know, however, it's all a sham. She is broke and everything goes on credit (thousands in debt). She is really unhappy with her life and really insecure.
People know that social media is not real - delete these people and concentrate on your real friends

This is so true. I know similar people that share their ‘amazing’ life all over SM, yet behind the scenes is a very different story that they’ve told me.

SM is often the life you want to portray. Often this is far fetched from reality….

Polkadots2021 · 13/08/2021 07:35

@Delke

My brother and I were brought up to be proud of our appearance. Growing up we were always dressed in the latest designer gear and my mother paid hundreds for photo shoots of us. My brother grew up to go into modelling. I married young but always maintained great pride in my appearance. Fast forward to now, I’m a student nurse and for the first time in my life have encountered negativity just by posting photos on social media. Is it really so terrible to be proud of your appearance? I came off Facebook last week after numerous bitchy comments on my posts but I’ve rejoined today. However I dare not post anything as I’m so worried about the negativity and horrible comments!!

OP fgs post what you like, you do you. Social media is a cesspit where people love a pile on and always find something to criticise (exactly why I've never used it). If you really have to use it, remember that you're needlessly opening yourself up to random criticisms by trolls (sadly). I favour WhatsApp private groups with my actual mates. If it's upsetting you just cancel your account. At the end of the day it's just an app that can be deleted.

sHREDDIES19 · 13/08/2021 07:36

It seems you’ve grown up in an environment where a lot of emphasis was placed on appearance and that’s certainly influenced how you view yourself and the importance of looks. I personally hate selfies, but obviously accept they’re a part of our culture and here to stay. But to me it’s just so shallow, look at me, I look awesome! It’s cringed especially when you’re old enough to in theory not care what you look like. By all means, it’s good to take care of yourself but as others have said, British people don’t take too kindly to vanity on blatant display. It’s crass.

TheGoogleMum · 13/08/2021 07:39

If a colleague of mine in her 40s posted pictures on social media that had poses that could be described as 'trout pout' I'd probably take the piss too. Not if it was just a normal pic though? Depends how over the top posed i think

vivainsomnia · 13/08/2021 07:40

To be being proud of one's appearance means being proud of efforts and investment you've put in to have a healthy body and mind, not how much you've spent on designer clothes, the extra highlashes, the fake or worse proper tan, or whatever else cheap mean to appear better.

I also think that this sort of pride is private, not to show to the world. You should do it for yourself because it makes you feel better, not to get admiration.

CaptSkippy · 13/08/2021 07:49

You are not unreasonable to take pride in your appearance and to create a certain style for yourself.

However, you are unreasonable if your definition of "taking pride" consists mostsly of designer brands, selfies and modelling. That's just being vain and showing off. I'd say it's the opposite of pride if it required other people's approval.

You are even more unreasonable to expect others to like your style and your selfies. If you post selfies on social media you can't just expect only the people who like these selfies to respond. Some will like them and some will not. You don't get to pick and choose other people's opinions, especially not when your deliberately put yourself on display to be judged.

Saying that, I am fully aware that we women are always on display and are always judged for our appearance. The best way to deal with this, imo, is to wear what you actually love whether other people like it or not.