To think it’s not unreasonable to be proud of your appearance?

[Delke]

My brother and I were brought up to be proud of our appearance. Growing up we were always dressed in the latest designer gear and my mother paid hundreds for photo shoots of us. My brother grew up to go into modelling. I married young but always maintained great pride in my appearance. Fast forward to now, I’m a student nurse and for the first time in my life have encountered negativity just by posting photos on social media. Is it really so terrible to be proud of your appearance? I came off Facebook last week after numerous bitchy comments on my posts but I’ve rejoined today. However I dare not post anything as I’m so worried about the negativity and horrible comments!!

I thought the trout pout was a teenager thing.

Nothing wrong with taking pride in your appearance and wanting to make the most of yourself. Nothing wrong with taking an interest in fashion, makeup etc if that's your sort of thing.

But it does sound as if you have been brought up to value your appearance to a disproportionate extent. It's not the most important thing about you. It's not the only thing you should value about yourself but it does sound as if your DM encouraged that attitude.

I think designer clothes are a ridiculous waste of money for children; no point in spending a fortune on things that they will grow out of plus children who are dressed in very expensive clothes sometimes worry about getting them dirty or torn (because of constantly being told to be careful by adults) so can't enjoy messy or outdoor activities. Spending 100s on photoshoots sounds a bit daft too.

Taking pride in your appearance is not an issue, but to me that means looking after yourself, staying in good shape, being well groomed and neatly dressed, etc.

But ‘being proud’ of your appearance as you describe sounds somehow more shallow. There’s also just something really cringey about posting selfie’s on social media, because that’s less about your own pride in your appearance and more about wanting other people to admire you.

I think to most people, probably especially those in the medical profession, there are more important things in life than what you look like.

Unfriend those who are commenting.Keep private vs professional life separate.

@Delke

Just because I post pictures of myself. Example asking if I’m on commission for David Lloyd, calling me trout pout and taking the piss out of me. All nursing staff. I never had problems before.

aahhh so they're laughing at your selfies ...

instead of... complimenting them ?

I’m gorgeous. Truly! I’m known in the family as ‘the good looking one’. It’s a burden 😉

I have never, would never, could never post a selfie and I’m the same age as you.

It shrieks of vanity and a desire for affirmation to me. I accept them in the Millennial generation / they are but babies. But a 43 year old? Yeah, it’s unattractive vanity IMO.

Taking pride in your appearance and being proud of the way you look are two different things.

some more like vanity ...

Are they just selfies tho OP or are they duck lips pouts woth filters aplenty like "young people" do? I wouldn't comment but i would eye roll at someone constantly posting pictures of themselves posing into the camera after their early 20s

OFGS some of the responses on here. I wonder if people realise it just makes them sound jealous. No of course your colleagues shouldn’t be making nasty comments about you on FB, no matter how you have chosen to pose in the photos, It’s petty and small minded. Just ignore them.

There is nothing wrong with taking pride in your appearance. Looking clean, well groomed and smart.

But your tastes are clearly different to others. For instance, designer clothing does not necessarily equate to looking good. In the words of Dolly Parton, it costs a lot of money to look cheap. Someone can still look smart in a primark suit. Alot of celebrities nowadays clearly make a lot of effort with their appearance, but frankly look shit because they've all had surgery to look the same and wear too much make up etc.

I'm 41 and I quite like how I look. But I'm not posting pictures of myself on social media because I don't need the external validation of other people to tell me I look good. There is nothing wrong with making the effort for yourself, but what do you honestly hope to achieve by putting pictures of yourself on social media?

Well its mean of them to make bitchy comments, bit I saw a grown woman (probably late 30's) posing and taking selfish in a restaurant while she sat at the table alone the other day. I felt embarrassed her.

Embarrassed for her

@Holly60

OFGS some of the responses on here. I wonder if people realise it just makes them sound jealous. No of course your colleagues shouldn’t be making nasty comments about you on FB, no matter how you have chosen to pose in the photos, It’s petty and small minded. Just ignore them.

AND there it is...

rolled out as per..

Jealousy 🤣😂

I think there's absolutely nothing wrong in taking pride in your appearance. To some people clothes, hair and makeup are just frivolous and pointless things, which is a fair enough opinion to have. But it should also be just as fair to think clothes, hair and makeup are important, and something one wants to invest time, effort and money in.

Essentially, you are free to do whatever you want to do. Some people will judge you either way you go, so you might as well go with what you want =)

I don't know what 'on a commission at David Lloyd' means to be honest. I know what David Llyod is, just not you mean by a commission.

But I get the impression that you are taking some rubbing because people don't think you have pride in your appearance. They think you are vain and have tendency to only post things on Facebook that suggest you are quite well to do. Or 'living you best life', people do find that cringey.

You seem to have pride that you dressed I expensive clothes as a child, I am going to guess alot of your photos include expensive items somewhere on there or expensive places etc.

It doesn't sound like you come across as having pride in your appearance

At the end of the day though, it's your FB. If people don't like it, they can unfollow. You can block the dicks. If it makes you happy it makes you happy. That should be enough.

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

Embarrassed for her

sounds like the colleagues were too 🌸

If you were genuinely happy with how you look, surely you wouldn't need the validation of people on social media?

Nobody should make horrible comments about your appearance, doesn't matter if you're beautiful or not. Anyone's entitled to post pictures of themselves on their own social media. If people comment negatively they're not your friends. I don't do pouty filtered pics (if look ridiculous) and don't really like having any pics of me on Facebook but I have friends that do, I usually think what's the point of posting a pic that doesn't look like you anyway because it's so heavily filtered and scroll on by. If I commented on it I'd expect them to de friend me because, well, it's a bit mean.

Honestly, anyone posting a load of photos of themselves on the internet makes me roll my eyes. Especially when it's like "Enjoying my gorgeous holiday!" and then it's just a photo of someone's face... great, I know what you look like, show me the view or the location or whatever. Ultimately, I feel it just says "Look at me, look at me" - and doing it in your ultra-expensive gym with a stupid pout (sorry, but nobody over the age of 16 should be posting pout selfies) is even more "look at me". So people probably think you're a bit self-involved and are taking the piss out of that. Would I post a comment to that effect on Facebook? No, so they're maybe BU there. But I'd certainly be thinking it.

Your upbringing sounds odd and a bit unhealthy, to me. There's nothing specific to be 'proud' of in having designer clothes - it just means you've spent a lot of money. There's nothing to be proud of having lots of photos you paid privately for of you looking conventionally attractive - that's just genetics. Were you encouraged to be proud of yourselves for being kind, or studying hard at school, or being a good friend?

Beauty's skin deep. And to me, someone who makes it clear they're proud of themselves for having the genetic fortune or money to be conventionally beautiful is saying they have very little else going for them. I'm not saying that's the case for you, but I think a lot of people would assume you were shallow because of it.

I cringe at adult women pouting and posing. I find it embarrassingly needy and I can’t understand how they don’t see how they are coming across.

Your colleagues are unkind. There is nothing wrong with having pride in your appearance. I reckon I'm not half bad when gussied up and I'm nearly 50. Most days I try and look presentable. But post photos for likes? No way. My friend does this for the 'gawjus hun' and its quite wearing. I just don't comment or like. I would never be mean.

If I'm spending my time posting selfie's on Facebook at your age, I'll be wondering where my life went. You should be enjoying life, not wasting time finding the perfect angle to make yourself look the best you can. I'm 27 and I can't even remember the last time I took a selfie, or any kind of photo of myself to be honest. I look after myself, I wear nice clothes, style my hair etc but I don't feel the need to show it off to Facebook.

I really, really don't get why you would be proud of something so irrelevant. I'd question why you place such a high value on the way you look. And I'd also surmise that if you're proud of your own looks, you place a judgement value on the looks of others. Which is a really bad measure of a person.