Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s not unreasonable to be proud of your appearance?

205 replies

Delke · 12/08/2021 20:02

My brother and I were brought up to be proud of our appearance. Growing up we were always dressed in the latest designer gear and my mother paid hundreds for photo shoots of us. My brother grew up to go into modelling. I married young but always maintained great pride in my appearance. Fast forward to now, I’m a student nurse and for the first time in my life have encountered negativity just by posting photos on social media. Is it really so terrible to be proud of your appearance? I came off Facebook last week after numerous bitchy comments on my posts but I’ve rejoined today. However I dare not post anything as I’m so worried about the negativity and horrible comments!!

OP posts:
LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 12/08/2021 20:40

There is nothing wrong in taking pride in your appearance. At all. But something in your posts suggest you are vain and that is a very unattractive trait indeed. If that is so and your colleagues have got wind of it, then I can only imagine that they will mercilessly deride you for it. Vanity is a pretty horrible characteristic. Obviously not the worst there is. But fairly insufferable to have to put up with.

Hekatestorch · 12/08/2021 20:40

I accept them in the Millennial generation / they are but babies. But a 43 year old? Yeah, it’s unattractive vanity IMO.

I am 39 and a millennial. First time in ages I have been called a baby. Thank you Grin

thecatsthecats · 12/08/2021 20:41

I take pride in my appearance in the sense that I dress my version of nice, and for a photo on Facebook, I'd choose one that well represented what I tried to look like.

But I wouldn't dress up, pose or contort myself for the sake of obtaining a photo that made me look good. Especially not a trout pout, since they, um, don't.

Pride is an internal virtue that is important to self esteem. Conceit is an external one that assumes that people will value you for the things that you are proud of.

Saoirse82 · 12/08/2021 20:42

I think its mean of your colleagues to poke fun at you. They might be some jealousy there. However, I personally wouldn't post pics of just myself posing on FB, I rarely post anything on there anyway. One of my best friends must take 100 photos of herself a day and posts a lot of them (we are late 30s). Its a bit annoying when we're out together because inevitably whatever we're doing she wants us to pose for selfies I don't think there's anything 'wrong' with her wanting to post pics of herself, I suppose I've never given it a lot of thought and I would never take the piss put of her for doing it. Live and let live!

MotionActivatedDog · 12/08/2021 20:45

Growing up we were always dressed in the latest designer gear

So your parents paid a fortune to allow companies to advertise their products on their children’s bodies. Stupidity is a weird thing to be proud of.

Chunkymenrock · 12/08/2021 20:45

It all sounds very vain. If your Facebook posts are mostly "look at meeee!" then I'm not surprised you're having this reaction. There's far more to people than their appearance. No, you're not pasT it at 43 either.

nancydroo · 12/08/2021 20:46

Hekatestorch
Actually we at 39 are considered 'geriatric millennials' so not so babyish after all.

StoneofDestiny · 12/08/2021 20:46

43?

Crikey ...........

QueenBee52 · 12/08/2021 20:47

the comments must have been bad to come off FB..

it's the palace of vanity 😂

StrangeToSee · 12/08/2021 20:47

Just because I post pictures of myself. Example asking if I’m on commission for David Lloyd, calling me trout pout and taking the piss out of me. All nursing staff. I never had problems before

At 43 I think posting pictures of yourself posing or flaunting designer gear or pouting will attract negative comments. It’s usually women in their early 20s who do this. Sort of student culture.

Why not post natural looking photos of yourself having fun with your family? Obviously without filters or touched up lips/brows/exaggerated eye edits you can do with a lot of phones/editing apps.

If colleagues know what you look like in real life and you post photos that are clearly edited it is rather odd and can come across as shallow or conceited.

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2021 20:48

God the bitchy bitter comments on here, attacking her. Someone even commented she was uneducated, she’s a nurse so clearly not, and,,smug, conceited, shallow, and become invisible at 45? Bullshit horrible comments.

It says more about the posters than it does about the op when people want to rip her apart for daring to think she’s attractive or showing off because she is.

Op, as you can see from this thread preening and showing off brings out the worst in some people. Possibly being attractive and knowing it is even more difficult for some to accept.

Hekatestorch · 12/08/2021 20:49

@nancydroo

Hekatestorch Actually we at 39 are considered 'geriatric millennials' so not so babyish after all.
No...not having it. So I am a proper millennial and I am now clinging to the 'millienials are just babies' forever....no geriatric here!

I saw it on MN so it must be true!!!! 🤣

QueenBee52 · 12/08/2021 20:49

@Bluntness100

God the bitchy bitter comments on here, attacking her. Someone even commented she was uneducated, she’s a nurse so clearly not, and,,smug, conceited, shallow, and become invisible at 45? Bullshit horrible comments.

It says more about the posters than it does about the op when people want to rip her apart for daring to think she’s attractive or showing off because she is.

Op, as you can see from this thread preening and showing off brings out the worst in some people. Possibly being attractive and knowing it is even more difficult for some to accept.

Aahh Bluntness ... you've been guilty of this very trait yourself countless times 🤣

rottd · 12/08/2021 20:49

I came off Facebook last week after numerous bitchy comments on my posts but I’ve rejoined today

Why are your friends being horrible to you on fb? Are they like this in real life?

Growing up we were always dressed in the latest designer gear and my mother paid hundreds for photo shoots of us.

I don't understand the significance of designer gear, people can look good in it & people can look crap in it.

MotionActivatedDog · 12/08/2021 20:49

I don't know what 'on a commission at David Lloyd' means to be honest. I know what David Llyod is, just not you mean by a commission.

It means OP is posting so many photos of her at the gym she might as well be working for David Lloyd.

rottd · 12/08/2021 20:50

I like to look nice & love fashion but equally some wouldn't get my style. Not into selfies though.

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2021 20:51

Aahh Bluntness ... you've been guilty of this very trait yourself countless times

Nah not this, I don’t attack and insult people because they think they are attractive,

QueenBee52 · 12/08/2021 20:52

@Bluntness100

Aahh Bluntness ... you've been guilty of this very trait yourself countless times

Nah not this, I don’t attack and insult people because they think they are attractive,

yes you have 😳

BeatieBourke · 12/08/2021 20:52

I'm going to hazard a guess and say that maybe your new colleagues, who work in demanding jobs in understaffed, underfunded vital services, often with vulnerable people, in life life death situations where the truth of what really counts as a life well lived every day, think that posting endless selfies because you're 'proud' of your looks is a bit...vacuous?

I'm quite like the way I dress, I think my hair is pretty cool (naturally v curly), but I don't spend my time posing and posting the results on social media because I've got other shit to do. If your fb was full of photos of you laughing with friends unselfconciously and looking gorgeous in the process I'm sure you wouldn't get these comments. Living your life to get likes and compliments is a bit sad.

If you want these people to take you seriously, either limit your profile or lay off the selfies.

5128gap · 12/08/2021 20:53

There's nothing wrong with being happy with your own appearance. It's a pity more women don't have that sort of self confidence. However if you're posting pouty posing selfies it might look a bit daft to your colleagues as its more a young generation thing. And even then, a lot of people think its daft, as the poses always look a bit contrived. Nothing wrong with it, but a lot of people do poke fun at it. If you enjoy it just ignore them.

nancydroo · 12/08/2021 20:54

Hekatestorch

😂 Okay well if you are then so am I, last few months of the decade we get to be whatever we want and geriatric is not it!

Blue4YOU · 12/08/2021 20:55

Op - are you a journalist as well as a nurse?

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2021 20:57

yes you have

Have you mixed me up with another poster? I’ve never name changed so you can search my posting history and find an example ? I genuinely can’t think when I’ve done that, do be aware I’ve twice had someone impersonate me on here.

rottd · 12/08/2021 20:57

It says more about the posters than it does about the op when people want to rip her apart for daring to think she’s attractive or showing off because she is.

Bloody hell @Bluntness100 what do you think your posts say about you?! 😆 Although you seem to have mellowed a bit admittedly.

newnortherner111 · 12/08/2021 20:58

Taking care and pride in your appearance is good. Boasting about it not so, and there is a fine line.

Though negative comments do not surprise me, given that in the UK style went out in about 2008. I notice the greater care and pride straight away when I visit France, Italy, and even that bastion of high fashion, Belgium.