Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone ever had or been to an ‘alternative’ wedding?

203 replies

Angelaanaconda10 · 12/08/2021 19:02

Been to 4 in the past 5 years, each one was in a grand stately home/hall type setting, lot of money had clearly been spent. Traditional sit down meal, followed by the first dance, speeches, cutting the cake etc. Long, elegant white dress with a train(trail?)

They were all lovely, clearly very well thought-out and fancy. I hope this doesn’t offend people but it’s not the sort of wedding I would want. I can’t really speak for my partner but I’m not interested in tradition, even in having a white dress. I don’t have the money for such a wedding either and I have zero interest in spending years planning and stressing over every detail like I’ve seen friends do.
I don’t even have enough female close friends I could have as bridesmaids.

Has anyone got stories to share about weddings?

OP posts:
ellesbellesxxx · 06/01/2022 06:01

One of my friends had their legal ceremony in advance then had their wedding celebration and blessing in this really cool place with loads of yurts and woodlands. They asked guests to make the dinners (veggie lasagnes, salads etc)
They created the ceremony, friends did readings, a friend did a blessing… it was lovely!

ellesbellesxxx · 06/01/2022 06:03

Went to a humanist wedding celebration too and that was lovely

Longingforatikihut · 06/01/2022 06:21

My dream is small registry office ceremony then a picnic in the park under the local Victorian observation tower with nearest and dearest. Non-traditional dress in that it's only knee/calf length. Home in time for a reasonable bed time. I've coated it in my head to be less than £1500. Alas I have no one to marry and I doubt I would get all my own way.

Cactusmum · 06/01/2022 06:31

yep. Went to two weddings in a week quite a few years back, Garden wedding in Hawaii that was GORGEOUS! small chapel then dinner in restaurant overlooking the garden. Then the following week a New Age wedding on Bainbridge Island in Seattle in someones back yard next to a Yurt followed by a "bring a plate" lunch. Interesting week and both equally amazing. Oh the new age wedding had a Harpist.

MajesticElephant · 06/01/2022 06:41

We had our meal in a local restaurant (14 guests) as many of them had not met before. Then off to the registry office and home for 3pm. Having the meal first turned out to be the best idea as we could escape straight after the ceremony! Groom wore a work suit and I wore a knee length black and white lace dress. Guests mostly wore jeans and smart tops. Bliss!

Bumblefuzz · 06/01/2022 06:52

Name change for this post.

I re-married a couple of years ago. It was second time for both of us. We had a small (about 25) civil ceremony in museum/manor house that is owned by the council and registered for weddings. We then went home for afternoon tea (it was summer & have a fairly big garden) which we prepared ourselves. We hired a local cricket club and a DJ for an evening do and had some nice Waitrose salads delivered by Ocado, ordered pizza and samosas.

I wore petrol blue and my bridesmaids chose swing dresses with cats on them. I made mine and my bridesmaids bouquets myself.

FindingMeno · 06/01/2022 06:57

I don't understand massive weddings. What a waste of money.
I had no flowers, professional photos, bridesmaids, reception, cake, or honeymoon.
Down the registry office, half a dozen guests, then off to the pub.
People are ten bob millionaires when it comes to weddings and it's just not necessary.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 06/01/2022 07:03

I'm being a bridesmaid this year for a wedding in a field. Bridesmaids get to choose their own dresses and shoes. There's a burger van and camping afterwards.

110APiccadilly · 06/01/2022 07:08

I wouldn't call mine "alternative" but it wasn't what you described so maybe it was. Straightforward church service followed by a hog roast buffet-style in a church hall. We decorated the hall and church ourselves (with help from friends). I did wear white though.

110APiccadilly · 06/01/2022 07:13

@110APiccadilly

I wouldn't call mine "alternative" but it wasn't what you described so maybe it was. Straightforward church service followed by a hog roast buffet-style in a church hall. We decorated the hall and church ourselves (with help from friends). I did wear white though.
Oh, and we had card games on the tables at the reception, and a Brio corner for little ones (we ended up with a lot of little ones being invited and thought it was a bit unfair to expect them to stay sitting down with the grown ups for too long). Didn't do an evening reception at all.
hugr · 06/01/2022 07:17

I went to a fancy dress wedding in a cave

SallyWD · 06/01/2022 07:18

Me, my DH and 2 friends as witnesses at the registry office. Back to ours for take away afterwards. Just perfect for us.

greatape · 06/01/2022 07:20

Mine was a bit traditional (worn white dress, men wore fancy suits) but was basically very small - just close family, ceremony in a hotel as late in the day as we could have, we then went into garden for drinks whilst they reset the room, we had a fixed menu meal then into the hotel lounge area for drinks and chatting for the rest of the night.

No dancing, only very brief speech by my dad, no formality. I did a few wedding-y bits like flowers and a colour theme lite (yellow roses) but it cost under 5k and was sorted out in 3 weekends.

annlee3817 · 06/01/2022 07:28

Mine wasn't particularly alternative, but we had a quadruple roast which had lamb, beef, pork and chicken, served with salad and potatoes, followed by a massive dessert and sweetie buffet which people contributed to, everything else was pretty traditional though :) I do love alternative weddings though :)

ManicPixie · 06/01/2022 07:30

I wouldn’t want that kind of wedding either because of the planning and expense… and yet I do like attending them. Maybe that makes me a freeloader.

Luredbyapomegranate · 06/01/2022 07:54

Yep been to lots of cheap fun weddings over the years

  • Reception on the upper floor of a pub with a cheese cake (ie cake stand with cheeses), everyone walked from the registry office through the pub to the upstairs room, bride wore her mums wedding dress, food was just beer and sarnies
  • Reception in a local park with a cake table (some of the guests - about 50 of them - bought a home made cake as a present), bride wore some vintage floral 70s thing she bought of ebay for 40 quid. They laid on bubbly, retro snacks like scotch eggs and a cheese pineapple, that's it.
  • One with 10 people and the only reading was Hovis Presley I rely on you, they laid on dinner after.
  • One where they hired a coffee truck so you could buy a coffee and croissant before or after the church service, but no other reception or food
  • One where it was a dozen people at a registry office then we all went for afternoon tea in a teashop
  • One where a couple of people went to the registry office and then 40 or 50 guests came to a blessing and reception at a de-commissioned chapel, they laid on dinner and wine, but the food nothing fancy.

Not a bridesmaid in sight at any of these, and only two actual wedding dresses (both their mums), all the other brides just wore some dress they liked. (Actually one wedding I went to the bride wore a vintage white trouser suit and the groom a kilt - it was very chic - that was a bit bigger than these above, but not much.)

Do it how you want.

CanapeWader · 06/01/2022 08:08

@Angelaanaconda10 Come back OP and tell us your plans...

Pedalpushers · 06/01/2022 08:39

I find it odd that MN is so pro the pot luck wedding buffet. People on here recoil in horror at people paying for their own restaurant meals instead of the 'host' but have no issue with your guests having to cook and lug a pyrex over to your wedding instead of you doing the absolute basic of feeding people? I'm sorry but anything goes at weddings except not providing any food, it is the one thing that is commented on by anyone on MN or otherwise.

Anon2022 · 06/01/2022 08:54

Some great ideas here

We had a registry office and then a picninc . After, we went to a hotel where we had lovely swim / jacuzzi , followed by dinner together . It was great fun as everyone was very relaxed and together till afternoon tea the next day … not a big pressure event with entrances and taxis , first dances and formal speeches … our siblings read poems …our friends played the fiddle and we all chilled out . There were 10 guests plus us and we could afford to have a lovely time but not do something too pressured to be perfect

sweetbellyhigh · 06/01/2022 08:56

Oh my just do what you want! I've been to beach weddings, snow weddings, forest weddings, registry office and pub weddings. The church and hotel ones are the worst, so fecking boring 🥱

Just do a slightly bigger version of your favourite thing with your fave people.

BridStar · 06/01/2022 09:00

Found a registry office in a beautiful historic building. Took our own photos. 60 quid fee. Restaurant dinner.

No regrets. No debt. No waste.

Enko · 06/01/2022 09:36

My friend and his wife had a quick register office to make it official. Then they returned to the village they lived in had a ceremony done by their friend under a canopee on the village green and after they had a beer tent and everyone had brought food.

ANameChangeAgain · 06/01/2022 09:41

A cousin married by a beach and with an arranged chip van and an icecream van for catering. They had an event marquee to keep the wind off, but not a flashy one.

Anon2022 · 06/01/2022 11:57

I would say most people are happy to be part of your day and don’t need bells and whistles

As a guest - I find big formal impersonal events tricky to deal with … I love to be able to speak with the bride and groom and not just feel like I am on table 12 with randoms

Saying that - and this is not kind ( sorry ) - I have been to a couple of traditional Christian new age / Methodist / presebetyrian weddings where you get a big sermon , some hymns ( if lucky ) and tea and cake …. It doesn’t have to be a booze up to be fun, but it’s nice to have a sense of occasion. Of course - those weddings led to happy long marriages and lovely families… so who knows what the value is in a knees up

But it is fun !

EventOfTheSeason · 06/01/2022 12:05

I went to a wedding in a youth hostel once, to be fair it was a castle Grin everyone brought a dish and stayed over, it was really nice.
I also went to an evening do held in a ruined castle. It was very relaxed and someone had made mead which fit in with the theme of things pretty well.
Dh and I got married in lockdown with only two witnesses. Neither of us had an interest in a wedding really Blush so when our parents gave us their blessing we just got it done.