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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone ever had or been to an ‘alternative’ wedding?

203 replies

Angelaanaconda10 · 12/08/2021 19:02

Been to 4 in the past 5 years, each one was in a grand stately home/hall type setting, lot of money had clearly been spent. Traditional sit down meal, followed by the first dance, speeches, cutting the cake etc. Long, elegant white dress with a train(trail?)

They were all lovely, clearly very well thought-out and fancy. I hope this doesn’t offend people but it’s not the sort of wedding I would want. I can’t really speak for my partner but I’m not interested in tradition, even in having a white dress. I don’t have the money for such a wedding either and I have zero interest in spending years planning and stressing over every detail like I’ve seen friends do.
I don’t even have enough female close friends I could have as bridesmaids.

Has anyone got stories to share about weddings?

OP posts:
RoseAddict · 12/08/2021 19:39

Registry office followed by a pot luck supper in a church hall where everyone brought a dish to share. Was lovely.

imaginethemdragons · 12/08/2021 19:41

A Friday afternoon. Registry office.

Didn’t tell anyone other than my auntie til the week before.

I hired a frock, plain but nice. Got a little posie from a local florist.
Hired a cute little dress for my little niece and a posie for her too. All less than £200.

Told some people the week before, the place was bloody packed!
Met them all in our local pub afterwards for a drink.
That was that.
Nice, simple, cheap and cheeky as we had no money and frankly, I’m way to lazy to be arsed with faff.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 12/08/2021 19:41

I went to a lovely outdoor wedding.
Only the bride had forgotten to tell half the guests it was outdoor and it was rather chilly. (I hVe no idea if the groom told people it was outdoors, we were friends of the bride. She also forgot to tell DH he was in the wedding party until the day before... shes lovely but flakey)

AOwlAOwlAOwl · 12/08/2021 19:42

Been to two 'festival'/camping type ones. One where the couple did a register office the day before, hired a campsite and a mini-arena type tent, lights, soundsystem, haybales, blankets, a couple of food stalls and a rotating mixture of friends/family providing music. We all brought drinks and food to share. Great fun, especially for kids. The owner of the campsite piled them all in his trailer and took them round the field in the evening to give parents a break from the rampaging.

The other was at a glamping type venue with a proper bar and catering, but still had friends doing the music, everyone camped. There was a nice central area with wooden gazebos, benches, logs, tables for everyone to gather around which were decorated. The bride and groom got married at the venue - it was lovely. There were fireworks and a big fire in the evening.

They were both the two best weddings I've been to (aside from my own).

OVienna · 12/08/2021 19:45

This whole thing started with poor Lady Di, I am convinced. Everyone being a "princess" for the day, trying to host an event which in reality bears no/linited resemblance to their real lives. It's hard not to get sucked in tho.

I dont lnow anyone who really did 'scaled down', all of that said. Hope my daughters do!!!

dancealittleclosertome · 12/08/2021 19:47

I had a register office, with four people attending - I wore white jeans and a white t-shirt - then took picnic out to local lake to meet another 10 or 15 friends for the evening. Changed into blue jeans and fleece top for that part. Smile

I couldn't have coped with a 'big day' and all the fussing over flowers and favours etc.

AOwlAOwlAOwl · 12/08/2021 19:47

@Proudpeacock

It is actually the wedding anniversary of some friends of mine today. Facebook reminded me so I was just looking at the pictures. It was a lovely wedding with about 50 people.

They had to do the legal bit at a register office with 2 friends but their actual wedding was officiated by a humanist celebrant in an organic cafe on a Saturday evening. The bride wore a long teal dress rather than white. No attendants. They wrote their own vows. A friend who is a cellist played but the couple also played some music including on a theremin. Details of the rest of the evening are a little hazy but I think there was a band and food (just a buffet).

It was so clearly "them" but didn't feel odd to anyone not sharing their passion for music. Usual mix of family and friends and just a lovely evening.

I was at that wedding! Unless there is more than one couple matching this description. Possible I suppose.

If I said origami cranes....?

PopcornMuncher · 12/08/2021 19:49

I knew someone who had a beach wedding with a buffet in the pub next to the beach. It was perfect for her. But it is weather dependent

habibihabibi · 12/08/2021 19:50

Friends very casual 5pm ceremony in the beautiful garden of her parents . It was on a midsummer's night with all the guest at picnic tables. Children and dogs running around. Picnic platters of meats, cheese , bread and salads brought to each table. Dessert platters .Tons of wine and beer, band and lots of lots of fairy lights. So pretty and lovely.

Echobelly · 12/08/2021 19:53

One of my favourite weddings was a registry do of two mates who are anarchists, bride wore black trousers and blouse and eventually her mum managed to convince her to wear a black hairband with a few feathers on it, groom in jeans, shirt and baseball cap. Did a handfasting at the rough East End pub afterwards, which was in a bit of a mess due to there being a big fight the night before!

Our wedding wasn't that alternative, but I will say that although I'd never thought much about weddings before it looked like I might be getting married, I did know I wasn't marrying in white or a big dress. Mainly as I can't move nicely in big dresses and also I always spill things and am a messy eater. I similarly didn't really have obvious people to be bridesmaids and as I was in fact wearing a blue bridesmaid dress and not a big white bridal dress it wouldn't really make sense. Niece (3 at the time) was flowergirl though, although I was realistic about it and said she wouldn't have to do it if she wasn't in the mood on the day - luckily she was, though!

ZenNudist · 12/08/2021 19:54

I've been to as many alternative weddings as traditional. Do what you want. Just make it nice for guests. Anything goes now.

notanothertakeaway · 12/08/2021 19:55

It's a badge of honour on MN to have the smallest / no fuss wedding

Entirely up to you how you mark the day. Whatever you do will be lovely, providedit works for the guests ie don't be too self indulgent

jiskoot · 12/08/2021 19:55

I got married at a local RHS garden and had a hog roast with a band in a barn at our farm. Ferried everyone to the ceremony and back in a vintage coach. No speeches. No first dance. Just very relaxed and just a good time all round, just how we wanted it.

Proudpeacock · 12/08/2021 19:56

@AOwlAOwlAOwl you are correct. I did immediately think it was a bit outing as soon as I posted. The cranes were a lovely touch. We ended up taking one string of them home as they match the colour of our living room (Dulux Proud Peacock).

Givemebackmylilo · 12/08/2021 19:56

Best wedding I've been to was in an old barn with a BBQ and hog roast afterwards

2bazookas · 12/08/2021 19:58

I went to a lovely one held outdoors in the brides parents garden. The bride wore a pretty green dress she made herself. The bride and groom wrote their own vows and it was conducted by a Minister who was a family friend. Food was home made in a hired marquee set up in the next door field.

I was also married by a family friend, the local Registrar in his office. I wore my favourite shocking pink mini dress (which all present had seen many times before) . DH wore a suit with hippy psychedelic shirt. Family only; followed by nice lunch in country hotel, sunny perfect day. Then DH and I drove home to where we lived together and had a party in the pub with all our friends. It was a lovely day.

        Do what you want. It's the marriage that matters, not the wedding .
LakieLady · 12/08/2021 19:59

A pagan friend had a handfasting ceremony at the Long Man of Wilmington. sussexpast.co.uk/attraction/the-long-man-of-wilmington/

The reception was at a nearby farm. There was a bonfire, a hog roast, fire works, fire eaters, barrels of beer, live music, and loads of people camped.

The bride wore an emerald green dress and had a garland of wildflowers in her hair, and looked wonderful.

It was a bloody fantastic day.

notanothertakeaway · 12/08/2021 19:59

A friend of mine had about 6 bridesmaids, all wearing a £30 dress from Debenhams. I thought it was nice to include them all, and it was a simple dress that they would wear again

And she invited any little girl who wanted to be a bridesmaid, in their favourite party dress. Very cute. They loved it

saywhatwhatnow · 12/08/2021 20:00

@DeathByWalkies wasn't near Swindon by any chance?

AOwlAOwlAOwl · 12/08/2021 20:05

[quote Proudpeacock]@AOwlAOwlAOwl you are correct. I did immediately think it was a bit outing as soon as I posted. The cranes were a lovely touch. We ended up taking one string of them home as they match the colour of our living room (Dulux Proud Peacock).[/quote]
It was great wasn't it. I especially loved the ceremony and the speeches, very touching and funny. As soon as I read your post I did a mental facepalm that I'd forgotten their anniversary, I deactivated facebook over lockdown as it was just too depressing. So thank you for the reminder!

DuesToTheDirt · 12/08/2021 20:07

I've been to a handfasting in a field. The couple have been married for many years (traditional wedding, which I also went to), so I'm not sure whether you'd count it as a wedding as such.

You can apparently choose to be joined for a year and a day, a lifetime, or all eternity. They chose all eternity. DH and I looked at each other like Shock!

Bookaholic73 · 12/08/2021 20:11

DH and I got married last year.
At the local registry office (which we drove in our own car to) and only 4 people were invited.

Then we had about 15 people over for an afternoon tea and buffet at our place.

No wedding dress, no fancy stuff. We loved it so much. I hate weddings and all the faff!

Sewaccidentprone · 12/08/2021 20:13

Less than 20 guests, married at a lovely big posh house, then reception at local community centre (converted Victorian school room).

Local florist did my small bouquet, 3 buttonholes and a couple of small floral arrangements for the tables. We had veg soup, sausage and mash and fruit with ice cream. Pil supplied wine and rented glasses.

I wore long skirt from Debenhams sale and lace top from Monsoon sale and did my own makeup.

Think it cost around £2500 around 20 yrs ago.

missymousey · 12/08/2021 20:15

Went to one in a hall, where guests were asked to bring a dish to share instead of a wedding present - it was the most enormous feast imaginable. Invitation said to wear what you most enjoy wearing so there was every outfit from jeans to ballgowns to fancy dress costumes. Bride and groom both musical so they and their friends were the band.

Iknowtheanswer · 12/08/2021 20:16

Friends were married in a very old hotel, latest time in the day possible. It was a dark and foggy midwinter day, almost dark. We all crowded into a room, standing, to hear their vows, and then had the run of the hotel, cheese, pate and red wine. It was fabulous.

I've also been to a civil ceremony where they hired out an huge house, and again we all ate, drank and fell asleep where we wanted for the whole weekend.