First time here eek

[pickle46]

Hello All
First time poster, what do I need to know about how Mumsnet works.
Any tips would be great
Thanks in advance to those who reply

Where do I look for the guess my age threads? No, I won't be starting a thread of my own.

Under NO circumstances EVER are you to leave your washing on the line overnight and write a thread about it either.

I used to think meant "that takes the biscuit" but I was told that was wring so now I think people use it to call someone an arsehole, because the Jammy dodger looks like one

@Looubylou

Where do I look for the guess my age threads? No, I won't be starting a thread of my own.

In MNHQs deleted threads file generally.

Always always include a diagram whenever possible

@suckingonchillidogs

Always always include a diagram whenever possible

Yes, even if the scenario is so simple a 4 year old could understand it apparently. As I learned to my cost last week questioning why one was required.

I always thought meant "eat a biscuit and shut up"

Never call anyone “hun”.
Never conflate sex and gender.

The politician who was unable to name his favourite was Gordon Brown.

I'm fairly sure the biscuit means 'no comment' and has existed since Gordon Brown did an MN Q&A when he was Prime Minister and weirdly refused to comment on which biscuit he liked best.

I have been here for a really long time!! 🙈🙈

read all the classics: t-rexing in Asda, cutted up pear, yoni, EKL, lemon drizzle cake etc

don't call your child Swan, LTB, use proper swearwords instead of lame fck & cnt, no twigs & pebbley shit, RTFT, no coats hung near toilet, dress your son in pink, no chalk drawings on pavements by kid, no loo brush, no washing up bowls, hot tubs are chavy sex pools, your roast chicken must last forever, strangers going to funerals are fine, no poo threads, no trolling, you only drink gin now, don't ask what handbag to buy with spare £2500, don't start an AIBU thread if you are BU, learn to use all the acronyms properly, no kids at weddings, prep for next Christmas starts on Boxing Day.

oh and don't be a spoonyfucker

Never say hun
Never say hubby
If you offer a virtual hug, make sure to prefix it with the word 'unmumsnetty'
Washing left outside at night gets darked on and your neighbours will think you're trashy
Children can do no right
Children can do no wrong
The majority of mumsnet dog owners are elite and perfect
Dogs can do no wrong
Dogs can do no right
Leave the bastard

A teacher will be along any minute to tell you how many hours they work and how much harder their job is than anyone else’s.

@TipseyTorvey

You can't just smile at a funny post, you must spit your tea all over your phone and be crying with laughter.

@TipseyTorvey

yes, as a rookie.
but you must progress to PMSL and ROFL asap

There's at least one health care professional on every single thread even if it's about mushroom risptto
Picky bits
Mentioning Christmas before December is blasphemous outside the designated Christmas section

The crying with laughter should be enough to wake the baby obviously.

@Looubylou

Where do I look for the guess my age threads? No, I won't be starting a thread of my own.

Google "Mumsnet How Old Do I Look"? There are a few still not deleted

If you ever lose faith in humanity look up Woolly Hugs and admire the beautiful blankets that have been made to support bereaved MNers.

Someone loadswill be along to bash teachers for something the minority do.

The rules of AIBU:

1. You are always being unreasonable. It doesn’t matter what the scenario is or how you’ve behaved, you’re being unreasonable.

1. Having a baby shower makes you Satan walking upon the Earth. In fact, any behaviour that even hints that you don’t think your baby is the most profoundly boring event ever to occur makes you a narcissist. Hoping for family to show even a passing interest? Who do you think you are, the Virgin Mary?

1. Any time you post about the amount of food you or your kids eat, it’s too much. Post that you subsist on nothing but 4 slivered almonds a day and someone will respond ‘gosh OP, almonds are so high in fat. Have you considered sucking on gravel instead, you fat lard?’

1. Hobbies are secret. The minute you say what a hobby is your entire mumsnet history is printed out and pasted on billboards across your hometown with a large photo of your face for reference.

Oh dear
I don't like gin
I own a washing up bowl
My kids like their screens a bit too much
And my Husband is a nice man.
Is there no hope for me?

If you change name just say something about penis beaker to increase your credibility.

@pickle46

Oh dear I don't like gin I own a washing up bowl My kids like their screens a bit too much And my Husband is a nice man. Is there no hope for me?

Ah I'm the same, you'll be fine. Although I don't have a toilet brush...

@pickle46

Oh dear I don't like gin I own a washing up bowl My kids like their screens a bit too much And my Husband is a nice man. Is there no hope for me?

you are fucked better name change and start again

There's a MN swap shop where you can trade in lazy partners/ rude teenagers / teething babies for a good book.

@PlanarJaner

If you change name just say something about penis beaker to increase your credibility.

that's the worst advice. PB was a nightmare and pulled in a lot of tourists & trolls.