Any whiff of bad behaviour in under 18s means they're not NT and have SEN.
Any whiff of bad behaviour in over 50s means they have dementia.
There is no such thing as an unforseen cost when it comes to raising children, you simply haven't budgeted properly. 8yo DS needs a robo-leg after a run in with a rogue tiger? You should have anticipated this EXACT THING and put money aside before you had DC.
Fruit is the instrument of Satan & should be partaken of even more sparingly than the alcohol you should never, ever drink.
No matter what weird and wonderful gynae condition you have, YABU NOT to use a mooncup.
No matter how awful your family, husband, in laws, you must be incredibly grateful for them being alive... other people have lost theirs and would give ANYTHING for one more second with their much nicer relatives, y'know.
Babies on MN only wear white babygros- you can buy the right sort at John Lewis. You can buy the right sort of everything at John Lewis.
Loos are just for looking at. You should only ever shit in your own loo. Not just as in, a loo within your own property but one especially put aside just for you to use- no sharing with DH or DC, and it must NEVER be an ensuite. Other people must never be allowed to use any loo on your property, from workmen doing months long renovations and putting in long days to your bran flake guzzling MiL staying from Australia for a month- they will only shit in them and ruin your home. So rude.
It's all in the detail. You suspect your Dd is bulimic - amongst other things, you keep finding Dairy Milk wrappers in her bed? Well she's BU to eat Cadburys at all since they changed the recipe and made it yucky.
Enjoying weddings is tacky. Enjoying your own wedding is attention seeking and tacky. Inviting more than 2 people to your own wedding is attention seeking, tacky and probably grabby- you did it for the presents, didn't you? Putting any thought or attention to detail into your wedding is actually on par with war crimes. Although you are allowed a cathedral length veil to commit them in.
Cat threads need photos and parking threads need diagrams. Or else.
Don't forget to head tilt and tinkly laugh when telling people their plans don't work for you, did they mean to be so rude and suggesting they off-fuck to the far side of fuck off cunty chops. If that fails just say "no". It's a complete sentence y'know. If that fails log it with 101 or get an ambulance. Now!
Get used to the sound of popping. MNers pop a lot- pop in, pop out, pop round, pop by, pop the kettle on, pop it in the oven- although the more violent cooks chuck or bung things in there. Low calorie things, obvs. If you're over a size 8, you've forfeited the right to ever eat again.