First time here eek

[pickle46]

Hello All
First time poster, what do I need to know about how Mumsnet works.
Any tips would be great
Thanks in advance to those who reply

Oh and mind your spelling and grammar. You will be pulled up on it, whether in Pedants or not. There is no such furniture item as a Chester Draws.

@DanielRicciardosSmile bloody Boswell! I think of Bos every time I go post office!

Do NOT start a breastfeeding thread. Ever.

Unless its 3am and you desperately need TikTok to fix it, in which case fire away.

Everybody name changes. All the time. But if you spot a familiar posting style (Xenia - we always know it's you...) odds are you are correct.

yes a lot of the threads are not real.

Ah, so now you’re not allowed to do anything in your garden anymore.

This includes:

A hot tub.
A trampoline.
Barbecue (especially not if you charge per head).
Leave your washing out overnight.
Let’s kids play out.
Never use front garden.

Smoking.

But what you must do:

Get a Ring doorbell.
Use matching pegs only.
Mow between the hours of 11am and 1pm.
Entertain elderly Korean ladies.

I haven't RTFT so I may get flamed! But before commenting always read the full thread in case u miss the OPs update and have already followed advice!

Don't leave your washing out overnight to get darked on...ooh the spider willies!

Any issues with DH make sure you get photo evidence/screen shots of any infidelity and get ducks in a row before confronting him. You may as well leave your relationship now anyway, you are either in an abusive relationship, your DH is too nice so gas lighting you or is having an EA (emotional affair) with woman down the road.

Your neighbours are probably CFs (cheeky fuckers)

You will see some posts where you will be excited for certain posters replies. Worraliberty and Anyfucker are my 2 faves!

People can be brutally unkind. Some make a hobby of it. It is dressed up as cruel to be kind hard hitting advice, but actually it's a bit of a power trip.

Treat everything you write as public information, because it is. MN owns the rights to all written and photographic content. That and the Daily Mail et al cut and paste to save on paying actual journalists to actual work.

MN is left wing. Don't vote Tory. If you do vote Tory lie about it. It is also very politically correct. You must say anything offensive about anyone, unless they are Tory. In which case it's fine to call them every name under the sun and eat their children.

Children are not children. They are dcs.

Welcome!

*must not!!!

@Sparklingbrook

means 'no comment' or 'I have never read such a load of old cobblers in my life and I'm not commenting further'.

To be properly passive aggressive use .

Thankyou so much. I have been on here for years and it got to the stage where I was too afraid to ask.

Penguin bollards will solve all parking issues.

If you're a single parent (like I am) then you will immediately be asked "And where's the father?"
You will be considered to have chosen to be a single parent, are a benefits scrounging low life and must not ever have another partner! If you do, you are a bad mother if you introduce them to your child/ren until you've been together at least 5 years.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Oh and mind your spelling and grammar. You will be pulled up on it, whether in Pedants or not. There is no such furniture item as a Chester Draws.

Yes, indeed. Other posters will either point out your mistakes, or will be desperately trying not to. Or will pretend they can't understand your post.

@MilesJuppIsMyBitch

I patioed him that is bloody brilliant 😂
Please could we refrain from talking about loo brushes BTW it's making me 🤮 on my phone 💀

A few more danger areas (do not touch these with a barge pole)

• transgenderism

• blm & related
• sahm vs whom
• center parcs
• school uniforms
• veganism
• mental health
• covid. Don't post about it in AIBU!

The language used is always emotive & exaggerated.

If someone politely asks for something, it gets quoted on MN that they "Demanded" it.

They weren't directed somewhere, they were "Ordered" to go

They weren't told something, they had it "Declared" to them

Other posters didn't kindly ask if the OP (or person in question) had ever been tested for a certain condition, they were "given an armchair diagnosis"

They weren't politely told something wasn't permitted, they were "Prevented" from doing/having it

Don't mention camping. Just don't. It's not 'done'

Only post on albu if it is something you want to know is aibu if not post on chat

If you post about a relatively minor or surmountable relationship issue, be prepared to be advised to divorce asap several times!

@NavigationCentral

The 10 Commandments of Mumsnet -

1. Thou shall not use a toilet brush.
2. Thou shall always Leave the Bastard.
3. Thou shall be sat here trembling and shaking.
4. Thou shall never say hun/xx/hubs.
5. Thou shall refer to the explanatory thread on sex and gender before posting anything about sex and gender.
6. Thou shall swear.
7. Thou shall have an undisclosed hobby or be with someone who has an undisclosed hobby.
8. Thou shall use every abbreviation in the Mumsnet dictionary whereby Spider is DSpider.
9. Thou shall Hope This Helps.

10. Failing these, thou shall fuck off to the far side of fuck.

👏👏👏👏

Brilliant!

You must wash your bra every day

@EvenRosesHaveThorns

You must wash your bra every day

But not anything else because if you do then Climate change is ALL your fault!

OMG I love you're thread! Nothing to add, PP have covered it pretty well

@OaxacaChihuahua

The rules of AIBU:

1. You are always being unreasonable. It doesn’t matter what the scenario is or how you’ve behaved, you’re being unreasonable.

1. Having a baby shower makes you Satan walking upon the Earth. In fact, any behaviour that even hints that you don’t think your baby is the most profoundly boring event ever to occur makes you a narcissist. Hoping for family to show even a passing interest? Who do you think you are, the Virgin Mary?

1. Any time you post about the amount of food you or your kids eat, it’s too much. Post that you subsist on nothing but 4 slivered almonds a day and someone will respond ‘gosh OP, almonds are so high in fat. Have you considered sucking on gravel instead, you fat lard?’

1. Hobbies are secret. The minute you say what a hobby is your entire mumsnet history is printed out and pasted on billboards across your hometown with a large photo of your face for reference.

laughed so hard I spat my tea out and woke the baby

surely this has to go in classics?

1. The teenagers post crap at night during the school holidays.

1. Expect this thread to be headline news in the daily mail tomorrow.

3.There's currently a thread in which someone is being encouraged to allow her neighbour to encroach on her land to save the hedgehogs.