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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be fed up with how utterly messy (and gross) DH is

198 replies

Thesmellofsunshine · 12/08/2021 17:43

I am genuinely considering asking him to move out because I just cannot take anymore...
I clean up more after DH than I do 2 toddlers. And not “normal” tidying up either
We have a sofa which generally looks nice if not being slept on every night by a 17 stone man who is too lazy to walk to bed. And when not having food dropped al over it by a mid thirties man whilst the children eat at the table. Every single morning I have to come down and twist the cushion covers back around from him being slumped on it and reshape them.
I also regularly find he has wiped his snot on things like walls, doors, the side of the sofa, under the table etc. Occasionally he will just blow his snot onto the floor for me to step in on my way past.
Similar to a lot of men he often spends a long time shitting in the toilet. Then leaves it for me to clean.

It’s the fact that I’m pretty much spending my life sorting out part of the sofa that I have repeatedly asked him not to sleep on as he is slowly destroying it, part of the sofa that only he sits on (the comfiest bit, the chaise bit on the corner).

The fact that I’m cleaning bogies off of my home when my children dont even do that.

The fact that I’m cleaning poo that’s not mine and often don’t see it until it’s dried so I have to scrub it, whereas I’ve explained to him that if he throws a bit of bleach down the toilet and shuts the lid it will likely slide off.

Very fed up and feeling like my otherwise good relationship is failing because of this disgusting man.

Yes, he has always been like this but I guess I have run out of breath in telling him not to do these things

OP posts:
DeRigueurMortis · 12/08/2021 20:28

Anyone else think "burn the sofa" will become a new MN classic phrase???

NotWanting · 12/08/2021 20:41

I wouldn't like, respect or be sexully attracted to a man like this. So yes this would be the end of the relationship.

uktrippin · 12/08/2021 20:42

That's absolutely disgusting. I wouldn't live with that no way.

toocold54 · 12/08/2021 20:45

I actually think he’s not happy in this relationship either which is why he acts so vile.
I think you’ll both wish you broke up sooner once you realise how much better off you are apart.

Surprisedpikachu · 12/08/2021 20:47

Does he acknowledge in any way that the vast, vast, majority of people do not behave in the way he does? You don’t see people snotting in shops or gyms or cinemas for a reason. I’d rather trip over a dolly than step in snot any day

blubberball · 12/08/2021 20:47

Hope you can get rid and have a clean, happy home for you and your dc. He sounds toxic in every way, and it will be a relief when he's gone from the home.

My ex was pretty gross. He wouldn't shower after working in a warehouse all night, even when I asked him to because our dc were newborn. It was so satisfying when I chucked his manky gaming chair in the dump, and saw it crushed. Only sorry he wasn't sitting in it at the time (joking).

Nameandgamechange123 · 12/08/2021 20:50

🤢He must go.

SquatBetty · 12/08/2021 20:59

Fucking hell, the snot thing! What is wrong with him??? Get rid, he is VILE.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/08/2021 21:03

@Thesmellofsunshine

Wasn’t expecting so many replies.. just a rant really Grin. Thank you. It helps to know you all feel the same about this kind of stuff. Would any of you actually end a relationship over this if it was otherwise good? He’s v affectionate and loves me and the kids well. It’s just the pure disgust at his habits I can’t cope with. I just keep imagining a life where it’s just me and the kids and I only have to do small normal bits of housework every day
I don't understand how you go to the falling in love bit with someone who blows their snot onto the floor and leaves it, doesn't wash properly and expects you to literally clean his shit up.

Did you only live together once you were married or pregnant? Did you feel trapped into staying?

nancydroo · 12/08/2021 21:04

Strangely it was the snot on the floor that got me. The floor!!??
He must have great conversation to put up with that so long.
YANBU
I have no suggestion but how can a man like this move out of a house when he can't even go up the stairs
You'd have to find the place pay his bills and then clean his house and bring him meals and you would have to do it as your DC would be staying with him part time abs you'd want them to be in a clean environment.

Branleuse · 12/08/2021 21:06

thats so gross. eww

overwork · 12/08/2021 21:16

Dear god. I've honestly never heard of anything like this, and I don't think anyone could accuse my family / OH of being clean and tidy. But they're not filthy and unhygienic. I can't see how you can get anywhere with this because he obviously doesn't see how awful he is. You asked if people would genuinely leave over this? Personally, yes. Like a shot.

Yesitsbess · 12/08/2021 21:40

I do housekeeping as part of my job. I have never encountered a bogey anywhere. And I work in several properties.

I think your updates are very uplifting.

Enjoy sofa shopping once Fungus the Bogeyman has departed. Please let us know what you order Smile

messybun101 · 12/08/2021 21:52

Oh god vom!!
Please will you keep us updated on your new clean fresh house and sofa when he leaves? Start window shopping now and buy yourself something you love that will be looked after. You at least deserve a sofa (if not a medal) for putting up with this

MiaRoma · 12/08/2021 21:57

If this is true then I am very sad that you have so little respect for yourself and your children

Why would you live like this?

nanbread · 12/08/2021 21:59

I think I have relatively low standards but this is fucking gross.

Letthelightoflove · 12/08/2021 22:01

Well done OP. Please keep coming back for support

pippapoo62 · 12/08/2021 22:17

Either this thread is one big joke or someone who has too much time on their hands is a troll . I don't believe this at all .

Bananalanacake · 12/08/2021 22:30

I hope he brushes his teeth at least once a day.

velvethaze · 12/08/2021 22:39

He sounds disgusting.

DeRigueurMortis · 12/08/2021 22:41

@pippapoo62

Either this thread is one big joke or someone who has too much time on their hands is a troll . I don't believe this at all .

It's possible, but if you think so then just report the thread.

Unfortunately, I'm sad to say I can believe it.

Not because I've ever put up with this in a partner, but having worked in a male dominated industry, I've seen some really vile unsanitary behaviour and as a snr mgr had to go as far as disciplinary action.

One memorable issue was a man who repeatedly farted in his office chair to the point it stank even when he wasn't there. No issues such as IBS. Expected his co-workers to find his farts funny and live in his bottom fog.

Another who refused (cba) to wash his mugs and thought it was ok to have 20 filthy mould filled mugs scattered on his desk.

Then the one that wouldn't wash. Wore the same clothes for 2 weeks plus. Yes, the same clothes. Not washed as you could see the stains accumulate. He stank. The air around him stank. You could tell which meeting rooms he'd been in for an hour after he had left it.

Oh and the complaints from the cleaners about the men's toilets....I'm just not going to go there because I don't want to re-live the memories.....

Cheeseplantboots · 12/08/2021 22:44

Wtf! You clean the toilet after he’s shit? That’s absolutely vile and so Is the bogey thing - sorry but he’s disgusting.

Bloodypunkrockers · 12/08/2021 22:55

There seems to be plenty men out there just like this
OP I don't know how you could touch this man

He sounds beyond vile

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